Sept 08 - No no no, ME do it!

[CappuccinoCarrie]

Shiny new thread for Christmas!

Becaroo My dp is a bit like that. He never knows what he wants to eat, or what the kids might like to eat. He doesn't eat breakfast so if he gets the kids up they waut for ages before eating. He is a nightmare for putting dirty clothes on top of a pile of clean clothes, I swear he doesn't know what a laundry bin is. He is really good with the dc's so I can't complain too much, but I do.

My cousin had her 2nd baby yesterday. a little boy, Joshua, 8lb 7oz and 10 days early. Can't wait to see him but they live in Hampshire so it will have to wait until they get married, we will be going for a week then and incorporating it into a holiday. when we went for the ds's christening it cost us around £300 for travel accommodation food and new clothes

sigh....another crappy day yesterday with dh.

He "forgot" to put tobys bag in the car when we went shopping (not something we normally do on a sat but needed to return something) and toby did a poo and therefore he had to sit in it all the way home. Why is it sooo hard for him?? Ended up shouting at him in front of the dc which isnt good.

Just so tired of being the one who has to remember to do everything. Toby is 2 fgs! Its not like he is a newborn and everything is new to him!

On the plus side went to see the SCD live tour at Notts arena last night with my mum and ds1...was FAB! ds1 was filmed and had his face up on the big screens by the side of the stage!!!

becaroo It's horrible always having to be the one who remembers things. Have you ever left your DH to get on with the dc's on his own? Or is he always forgetting stuff?

I took the DC's to our BIG sainsburys this morning and popped them in a double child seat trolley. They do look cute together when they aren't tearing around like maniacs, there was only a couple of biting / hair pulling incidents, both of them DD attacking DS .

Oh kagey, much sympathy! How pregnant are you again?
The physio can often help quite a bit, and they can provide support belts that I found helped somewhat too.
But really it boils down to only a bit of gentle walking (like 300 yards total) a day, and keeping your knees together as much as possible - so swiveling to get out of a car, falling from standing into bed, walking with tiny steps, etc.

On the plus side I didn't go out much for ages so saved lots of money!

Thanks NC I don't think I've cut down enough on walking around. I've been signed off work which must be helping a bit. I'm 31 weeks today. I'll speak to them about the support belt too - thanks again x

bookmarking and sympathising about H's/P's bec and co

Oh Bec

I would try the dropping him in the deep end approach, however I do know how difficult it is to let go as it will be the dc's who 'suffer', not dp. However, to put it in perspective the dc won't really suffer.

Sorry to hear about the SPD Kagey, from memory it was ponymum/fannypriceless who had SPD, but she's in NZ at the mo.

We had a weekend of DS in pants...and now he's firmly back in nappies for the next few months! He asked on Friday if he could wear Thomas pants, so we went to asda to choose some, and he chose some dinosaur sweets. We did the GF thing of putting him on the potty every 20mins for 5 mins, lots of praise and reading stories. But in 2 1/2 days he did absolutely nothing on it, not a drop! When he weed in his pants he did say "I'm doing a wee!" but by the time we got him to the potty it was too late. He only weed every few hours, so there weren't that many wet pants (and puddles) and he's obviously got bladder control, but clearly yet doesn't know when he's going to do a wee before it happens, can only tell me while its going on. He asked for Thomas pants again this morning and I said no it would be nappies because he didn't do any wees in the potty at the weekend, and we'd try pants again in a few weeks, there was no resistance to this and he's not mentioned it all morning, so clearly he's not ready.

kagey so sorry about the SPD. I found the support belt just moved the pain to down the front of the pubic bone. The best things that helped me, as has been said, were getting in and out of the car, and the bed, without opening your legs. Putting a plastic bag on the seat of the car helps, then lower yourself in backwards and swing both legs round at the same time (the plastic bag helps you spin easily!). Getting out of bed I would sit up, then swing both legs out together and put your feet firmly on the floor. It would take me a while before I felt my hips could take my weight but then it was ok. You won't be able to make your SPD better, but you can stop it getting worse. Not long to go now, although I expect it feels like ages for you!

Thanks for the sympathy ladies

I dont expect much I dont think....his "jobs" are; emtying the kitcehn bin (apparently I dont do it "properly"?), emptying the dishwasher in the mornings and putting the main bin out for the bin men once a week.

Is that too much? Am I expecting too much for him to spend time with the dc when he gets home from work/at weekends? He is off out with his friend all day next saturday "because he didnt get to go over xmas" NOT MY BLOODY FAULT!!! His "friend" regularly lets him down about meeting up but somehow its my fault it didnt happen???? WTF???

I do everything else in the house...which is fine as I am a SAHM but when he does this stuff it drives me FUCKING MENTAL sorry for the potty mouth but I could literally scream at times. I asked him to sort out some extra cover on the mortgage LAST JUNE and he informed me - very proudly I might add - that he has just phoned up about it!!!!!!!!!! AAAARRRGGHHHHH..

I am very tired at the mo - am still anaemic so back to Gp tomorrow - and have been battling along since mid nov with various illnesses - mine and the dc - and its taking it toll now

There are some things I just cant do myslef to do with the house/utilities as he is the account holder they will only talk to him. I would do it if I could!!!

AIBU??? Come on ladies. I can take it!!!!

I honestly feel like I have 3 kids - the constant having to check up on everything they do, you know? Have they eaten?, has ds1 had his meds?, what to dress them in, remembering hats, glvoes, scarves etc....sigh. Its bloody exhausting.

God, I'm moaning AGAIN arent I?????

..oh, and we had water pouring from the utility room ceiling last night too just to cap a great week

sigh.......

Hope you are all well??

carrie I am waiting til summer hols when he can run around pantless for a bit

lurking for news of the pacita labouring kind...

kagey I had spd, painful but manageable once I'd stopped trying to walk everywhere.

bec sorry DH is being rubbish...definitely sounds like he needs to regularly spend more time on his own with the DC's to learn from his own mistakes rather than yours. DH has a day a week with DS which I think has really helped him become really responsible for him. Also, I don't really feel bad about 'delegating' chores - some people just need to be told. People who fall into the 'delagatee' category are usually happy to do it, but would never think to do it of their own accord.

Can i also join the DP bashing brigade please?

(Sorry to Kagey btw. I have no clue what SPD feels like but imagine is pretty awful, especially with a toddler around) (Also wonders how FP is getting on in NZ)

Had a pretty awful weekend, with lots of snapping - culminating with DP saying we should call it a day and sell the house. :(
We made up in the end and he took it back.

Everything C did over the weekend seemed to annoy him - even the fact that she did 5 poos on the potty whilst I was in the shower (you go girl!) that he had to clean. His anger was bacause the last 3 were clearly 'tiddlers' and she could have sat there and pooed them all out together (FFS ). I pointed out that she was fab doing poos in the potty and that she is still only 6 weeks out of nappies, so give her a break.

There were lots of little incidents over the weekend when we rowed. probably half were my fault as he really doesn't see all that must be done but whilst I try to keep my temper and not swear (and god knows C can be so so so frustrating) he got angry so quickly and did swear alot. He also kept saying how tired he was (6am start, tough - deal with it). He then got cross that C kept coming to me. He thinks I'm soft but I am not, I just try not to sweat the small stuff. i do have boundaries and i rarely shout, so when i do, she takes notice!

We also had a row about smacking. I am 100% against it, no way. But he said 'I'll give you something to cry about' to C. He said he would not smack but used the phrase as a threat but then why make the threat in the first place?

Oh sorry, I'm going on and we did make it up by teatime last night (even got a bit of SWI in) but I just wish he could accept C for who she is. Apparently DSD (now 20) was never like this and always did what she was asked. (yeah right).

We had a bit of a talk and he admitted he's finding the work situation very stressful and so his patience limits are low. C is quite a challenging toddler most days (though her stubbornness and independence also mean she's a delight too). I just want him to view her as she is and not keep hoping for her to turn into something she won't. She's like me you see and so i think she'll be a handful forever as I still am at 38!

Just needed to get it off my chest. Sorry for hogging thread.

bec YANBU ok?!!
I do think you guys need a talk though, if that's possible? Just to find out where each other are coming from, and to explicitly spell out your desire for him to spend time with the DCs, if nothing else that'll free you up to get other things done (I only vacuum at weekends when DH has the kids!) I'm a SAHM too and take responsibility for the vast majority of day to day things around the house, but DH sorts stuff like insurance - the one-off jobs, and he's amazing at spending time with the DCs when he's at home. He does still do the tesco shop too coz I spend too much .

Becs I work FT yet DP has never ever got C's clothes ready in the morning and has put a wash on about 5 times.
He does do the majority of the cooking but tbh, I'd like to do that whilst he looks after c sometimes as cooking without distractions is lovely - me time almost.

Oh and no, YANBU. I think he does very little. How you resolve that is another matter. Am i the only one accused of nagging when i try to talk things through?

Sorry you've had a bad weekend mrsa, I'm very at the potty success though!! Its funny how you look back at things through rose tinted specs - I was talking to a mum at nursery today whose 5mo isn't sleeping, I remember that DD was really bad, but can't actually remember it iykwim. So I bet your DSD rebelled a lot before she became the model child, and he just can't remember it! But isn't it great that in 18 years all the bad bits will just be a faded memory?
Glad you were able to talk, hope things keep improving :)

We've decided to wait till at least April before potty training. Hopefully by then Lucy will sleep better in her pram so I won't have to sit with her on my knee all day.

MRSA I often say that DS was an easy sleeper but in reality I had to get in bed with him to help him get to sleep for over a year. You definitely remember things differently. It doesn't help that your dp has raised a seperate family as well so has not only his views of what to do but those foisted on him by his ex.

Bec and MrsA, you are both not being unreasonable at all. I think temper and threats need to really be kept in check with a little one. And Bec, you do a hell of a lot single handed, so yes, you deserve a hand.

My DP is absolutely lovely, but I DO need to remind him to do things. He is the one who is softer with DS and who is more likely to give in, but he spends time with him, and will offer to cook and clean when he sees me knackered (a lot these days, as I drag around my huge belly). It's just blokes seem to lack the planning ability, the attention to detail, and the forethought.

I would say talk, talk, talk. You need to let him know what you feel and what you'd like, and describe the ideal scenario in terms of housework sharing. Do so as an adult and without anger. I always find that being reasonable always produces a better result.

Digi I am touched that you lurk for my benefit. I so so so wish I could go into labour like NOW. My due date is tomorrow. My parents have come from Spain to look after Diego while I go into labour, but they can only stay until Saturday. So SHE MUST NOT BE LATE. Of course, I now have no contractions, no show, the lurgy is gone, and despite the lack of space, breathlessness, waddling and huge belly, i feel fine.

I have been for a mega long walk today and all I got was a pair of poxy Braxtons. Aren't second children supposed to be early??? Help!

bookmarking....

DS passed his peanut challenge at the hospital today. He is stuffed full of choc / peanut cookies. Still got kiwi and pine nut as much bigger dangers but its good to cross one off the list.

Hurrah for ds and his peanut challenge meglet

Get shagging Pacita, I think that's probably your best bet

Sorry to hear about the arguements MrsA, it sounds like you've resolved some things though.

well done mini meg Thats great news.

pacita ooohhh....thought you might be in labour!!! hmm...curry and sex to bring on labour...wonder who thought up that one!!!????

Thanks the for replies and sorry to hear you are going through similar mrsa I just hate feeling like this, you know? I dont want to turn into a naggy fish wife and yet it seems thats all I do at the moment is nag/moan/shout etc. Its very tiring!

mrsa C sounds so lovely and she is doing incredibly well with her potty training...It must be hard when your dh brings up his experience with his other dc. I am not sure how I would handle that tbh.

I think toddlers are very demanding/frustrating/difficult some of the time (well 80% of the time in Tobys case bless him!) and its tough being consistent/trying to instill a routine when your OH does not/will not/cannot pull their weight. I am glad you have made up but I am 100% with you on the smacking thing. If my dh ever smacked our boys I would hit him over the head with something blunt and then leave!!!!

I keep trying to tell myself that things wont always be this hard/difficult. They grow up and before you know it they wont want to know us!!!! Think dh and I need to spend some "quality" time together tbh....we are like ships that pass in the night some days

If he gets his bonus in March we are off to Venice!!!!!!!!!!!

...oh and pacita I hate to tell you that Toby was a week late and I was in labour for 4 days!!!!

......sorry!

Thank you once again ladies!! I am half hoping the next 9 weeks go really slowly as I am not looking forward to newborn sleep deprivation but also feeling this way is not nice either. Enough of me moaning though :)

Bec and MrsA sorry to hear about pesky partners. DH has his moments but currently is in my good books, helping out around the house.

Oh my god becaroo, was he your second???

I've not been on for such a long time that I can't possibly catch up!

I notice a couple of people mentioning that their DCs are hard work. Mine too, it is constant and I'm shattered, I can't wait for her to go to bed!! It doesn't help that she's been out of night vapours since boxing day but she can't go the night without a wee so she has to wake me up to take her. This means she now knows she's allowed to get out of bed at night which has meant a LOT of her getting up for no reason, she gets up repeatedly every night for upto an hour, tedious. On the plus side she has only had a couple of wet sheet incidents and that's always been when she's shattered.

She has also started doing all of her poos in her pants, I have NO idea why as she's been reliably trained since August and was fine until last week and she has now pood her pants every day for a week, but never wees herself.