Page 2 | How to talk to my friend who is hyper emotional towards her country and she can't seem to understand why I am not a supporter of the country, despite me being born there...

Shotokan101 · 13/05/2025 22:46

Cut her off - she's clearly a nut job... and if she continues like this she's likely to end up red flagged by the security services....

hcee19 · 13/05/2025 22:49

If she loves India so much why does she want to be a resident if the usa? Very odd. Don't be bullied by her, you are entitled to say and feel how you like, she cannot control you with her thoughts and feelings. Tell her you must agree to disagree and no longer wish to talk about it....If she cannot agree to that, she is not the friend you think she is...l really hope you can sort it out, good luck.

MsAmerica · 14/05/2025 00:54

SugarPlumpFairyCakes · 13/05/2025 05:24

Perhaps Amy needs to go and live in India if she loves it so much?

Extreme feelings like this to me smack of insecurity and searching for an anchor in some kind of identity.

It's her view about India. I'd just not discuss it with her.

I, too, was thinking that someone should ask her why she's working so patiently to live elsewhere.

OP, no one is obliged to love their ancestral country, and it sounds as though you were polite and clear about your objections. It seems pointless to argue with someone who may either be uninformed or irrational, so you can just say politely that the two of you won't agree. But you could also hand her any articles from a British news outlet that support your views, and point out problems like the ill-treatment of women, poor literacy rate, etc.

Original poster

SadTexanChick · 14/05/2025 01:34

HAB75 · 13/05/2025 19:07

This may be down to her guilt. Some people who leave behind a country feel a lot of guilt. She may be reducing her guilt by jumping up and down about how great India is, so that she doesn't have to think about leaving behind an awful lot of poor people. If she pretends it is a nirvana, she doesn't have anything to feel guilty about.

I mean, that doesn't excuse any of this stuff that goes over the top. The Kashmir thing has been going on since when, 1947? It was frightening when it reached the news last week - I was alarmed because it is always anxiety-inducing when two nuclear countries get going at each other. But this has been going on for 80 years, and the majority of Kashmiri people want to be independent or Pakistani. Her jumping up and down about joining the army to defend India was 100% ridiculous.

Then, if I were in your shoes, I'd be genuinely put out by someone pretending 900 million compatriots are in the pink, when they are living in dire poverty, regardless of whether it was my country. Perhaps she just can't cope with such a mind-blowing figure, but it sounds like she is romanticising their strife away. I'd say that, in a daft way, she could be deflecting guilt at getting out for an easier life - that would explain the strength of her feeling. It happens everywhere - people in the UK pretend that the poverty line under which so many millions of children live is some sort of arbitrary figure, wilfully ignoring that it is a UN global measure. It is very hard for some people to accept.

If it goes on much longer, perhaps you might need to get ready to walk away. Guilt or not, it is always hard to deal with another's extreme views, whatever they might be. It is exhausting to have to think constantly about avoiding the triggers. But at least guilt might be an explanation for her over the top patriotism and negation of the facts. I don't know if that makes it easier or harder!

I told her that one of the only things that bothers me about India is the poverty level and how it saddens me to know so many millions can barely afford to eat one meal, but then you have millionaires and billionaires pretending like the poverty doesn't exist.

She literally told me there are no slums in India anymore, besides one in Mumbai or something. She's very delusional lol

OP posts:

Original poster

SadTexanChick · 14/05/2025 01:39

MsAmerica · 14/05/2025 00:54

I, too, was thinking that someone should ask her why she's working so patiently to live elsewhere.

OP, no one is obliged to love their ancestral country, and it sounds as though you were polite and clear about your objections. It seems pointless to argue with someone who may either be uninformed or irrational, so you can just say politely that the two of you won't agree. But you could also hand her any articles from a British news outlet that support your views, and point out problems like the ill-treatment of women, poor literacy rate, etc.

Show quote history

I have. She said its all propaganda being spread by media who is anti-India 😵‍💫

OP posts:

Tbrh · 14/05/2025 01:52

Omg these comments 🤣 Nothing wrong with having a bit of pride about where you're from. Why don't you just agree to disagree and close discussion on the subject. My BFF have opposing political views so it's a subject we avoid

Snakebite61 · 14/05/2025 10:45

SadTexanChick · 13/05/2025 04:39

A lil bit of context... we're both females in our early 30s. My friend, Amy, is an Indian citizen in the states waiting for her green card through marriage. She was born and raised in India, up until high school. She has a blind loyalty towards India. Like extremist level views.

I on the other hand have no such opinion about India. I was born in India but my parents moved overseas when I was 1.5 years old. I literally have no memory about India besides a childhood trip there where I was hot, miserable, and couldn't wait to be home.

So when I tell her that I don't see India in a positive light (because of the greed, corruption ,etc) she takes extreme offensive. I told her I don't see myself as an Indian, I only associate myself with my country that I grew up in, she's all up in arms. I told her I respect my Indian heritage and I really love the culture, but other than that, I don't relate to India at all. How is that my fault????

AM I THE CRAZY ONE HERE????

Some people just can't let go. I live in London but am from the north of England.
I don't go on about how great it is.
The way I see it, if it's that great, what are you doing here? It's offensive to your host country. Saying that, wild horses couldn't drag me to the USA now.

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 14/05/2025 10:49

DontMindMeJust · 13/05/2025 05:30

Maybe ask her why she's bothering waiting for a green card, why not just go and enlist in the army straight away

Do you think the army would want an untrained thirty something woman who lives abroad in a very different culture?

Probably think she was an ( incompetent) spy.

Clavinova · 14/05/2025 14:05

SadTexanChick · 13/05/2025 04:53

Like in her eyes, India is #1 no matter what. During this India vs Pakistan mini war situation, she was ready to go enlist in the Indian army🙄If I dare say something about the poverty or corruption or greed, its "Oh I am ignorant and misinformed" when actually India was the most corrupt country in the world just recently lol

Show quote history

Where did you read that India was 'the most corrupt country in the world'? India is ranked 96/180 in this well-known index on corruption - perceived as less corrupt than Ukraine, Turkey, Mexico, Pakistan, Egypt, Nigeria ...

https://www.transparency.org/en/cpi/2024

MsAmerica · 17/05/2025 02:13

SadTexanChick · 14/05/2025 01:39

I have. She said its all propaganda being spread by media who is anti-India 😵‍💫

Show quote history

Lol. She sounds like a Trump supporter in America.

Original poster

SadTexanChick · 17/05/2025 03:22

MsAmerica · 17/05/2025 02:13

Lol. She sounds like a Trump supporter in America.

Show quote history

She actually sounds like a liberal here in America who only watches CNN and MSNBC 🤣 She's a flaming liberal as well! Lol

OP posts:

MsAmerica · 18/05/2025 22:04

In my experience, both CNN and MSNBC use facts to back up their statements.

BeJollyNewt · 22/05/2025 18:40

HAB75 · 13/05/2025 19:07

This may be down to her guilt. Some people who leave behind a country feel a lot of guilt. She may be reducing her guilt by jumping up and down about how great India is, so that she doesn't have to think about leaving behind an awful lot of poor people. If she pretends it is a nirvana, she doesn't have anything to feel guilty about.

I mean, that doesn't excuse any of this stuff that goes over the top. The Kashmir thing has been going on since when, 1947? It was frightening when it reached the news last week - I was alarmed because it is always anxiety-inducing when two nuclear countries get going at each other. But this has been going on for 80 years, and the majority of Kashmiri people want to be independent or Pakistani. Her jumping up and down about joining the army to defend India was 100% ridiculous.

Then, if I were in your shoes, I'd be genuinely put out by someone pretending 900 million compatriots are in the pink, when they are living in dire poverty, regardless of whether it was my country. Perhaps she just can't cope with such a mind-blowing figure, but it sounds like she is romanticising their strife away. I'd say that, in a daft way, she could be deflecting guilt at getting out for an easier life - that would explain the strength of her feeling. It happens everywhere - people in the UK pretend that the poverty line under which so many millions of children live is some sort of arbitrary figure, wilfully ignoring that it is a UN global measure. It is very hard for some people to accept.

If it goes on much longer, perhaps you might need to get ready to walk away. Guilt or not, it is always hard to deal with another's extreme views, whatever they might be. It is exhausting to have to think constantly about avoiding the triggers. But at least guilt might be an explanation for her over the top patriotism and negation of the facts. I don't know if that makes it easier or harder!

@HAB75

You hit the nail. However OP can not comeout the rat race od the India's extreme religious nationalism as most people pretend or lean to them to avoid isolation , Just one extremeist in the group is enough everyone should shut or fallow.

many times they all sound like pakistan army + militants . worst part is Indians who are not Hindu try pleasing these groups to be safe.

BeJollyNewt · 22/05/2025 18:47

MsAmerica · 17/05/2025 02:13

Lol. She sounds like a Trump supporter in America.

Show quote history

All BJP's in/out India are hardcore Trumpists, you can safely call them Namaste Trump batch😂

I realised about them , once when a person who came to UK just 1 year before the called to all Hindus to vote against Labour for speaking for Kashmirwhen article 370 repealed in 2019 by the Indian government

The same people needed labour support for better immigration policy, once They get visa and move out of India , They wish only Trump should rule the world 😎

sonjadog · 22/05/2025 18:49

This is very common among immigrants and has to do with them negotiating and finding their identity in the new culture. It will probably calm down in a while as she feels more integrated and at home in the US. In the meantime, I would avoid conversations about this and if she starts, give a vague response and move the conversation onto something else.

BeJollyNewt · 22/05/2025 21:40

sonjadog · 22/05/2025 18:49

This is very common among immigrants and has to do with them negotiating and finding their identity in the new culture. It will probably calm down in a while as she feels more integrated and at home in the US. In the meantime, I would avoid conversations about this and if she starts, give a vague response and move the conversation onto something else.

@sonjadog

7 years later no change in them . worst part was the 1 year new immigrant ordering people who are already settlers or about to be. They think themselves to be instrumental for polarisation where ever they live/lived.

It sounds hilarious that you force to sort to vague response? when they are being themselves and 100 allowed to be like themselves , everyone else too right?

Why are you trying to tune the world to the comfort of extremists? yes they are happy if someone go vaguely or topic change but stick around them . That is very of them , and their tunes.

Anyway, I am now happy to avoid all Indian trumpist, nethanyahist, puthinist,

btw they all hate one country ,actually that is not Pakistan but China 😀