My dd has entered the most glorious (IMO) stage of childhood where we've powered through the terrible twos and she is now existing in a state of laughter and wonder, starting to understand the fact this is a world of consequences and beginning to tentatively grasp ever more evolving narratives. The most compelling thing on her radar is Peppa Pig. That show is a thing of almost religious compulsion to her- a tantrum in her bed room can be instantly evaporated by her hearing the theme theme tune from downstairs. Even the suggestion it might be on is enough to give her pause and give me a chance to catch my breath.
Her cousin was round yesterday. My sis had to make an appointment and I was looking after him. We were sitting in the living room, my nephew glued to his phone, my daughter in front of the TV. Then Peppa Pig came on. Immediately my nephew started smirking. Then he was sniggering. Then he was doing his best not to laugh out loud. Of course, I knew the source of his amusement- my nephews nine, old enough to be aware there is a thing called sex and im sure the extra species sexual initiation practises of Cameron must of been all round the playground. But off course I couldn't acknowledge that I knew the source of his amusement and of course he could not come out and say what was suddenly so funny. But we both knew that each other knew. Thankfully the effort he put into containing his mirth distracted him from the fact that I was also amused(i hope)- if Im honest it was good to see him laugh as it made a nice change from his well honed sullenness and disdain.
And then the unthinkable happened. My daughter who would usually regard the slightest interruption to blessed Peppa Pig as worthy of foot-stomping, toys being thrown and incessant pleading was actually so intrigued by her cousins hysterics she forgot it was on and for the remainder of the show badgered her cousin in a constant interrogation to determine what caused this reaction. Eventually, as if urged by an imminent bowel movement, my nephew raced to the next room and exploded in laughter that lasted half an hour. I managed to compose myself and then distract my dd from this strange behaviour of her cousin. But the damage has been done. She knows now, when it comes to Peppa Pig, something is up. And there must be many toddlers around the country in similar positions. David Cameron I wonder how you can ever hold your head up high again. Please, just for laughs, during conference season say something about decency and protecting the young.