I have to admit that she is formidable, the best that Labour have got by far. That day long ago when Hazel Blears walked into a local socialist revival meeting, when the small band of faithful were down on their knees, praying that socialism would once again be able to rear its ugly head, they must have thought that their hopes and prayers had been answered, when a young Hazel Blears walked through the door. They had never seen her like before. This was someone who could lie, decieve and blag her way out of a paper bag at will and with consummate ease. They had never seen such brazen lying and quick-witted deception. their prayers had been answered, they were sitting on a gold mine. With ten Hazel blears, they thought, the public would be bamboozled and browbeaten and their dreams of etrnal socialist dominion would be achieved. The Tories, those truthful, upright individuals, had nothing like this.
That's why they rolled her out on every TV programme and put her up against paxman and all comers. She defeated every one of them with ease and without breaking sweat. Often interviewers were left crumpled on the floor. The socialists were laughing up their sleeves, they thought they had found what had been sought for so long, the alchemists' elixir that could turn base metals into gold.
But as ever, the spinners and weavers aimed too high, they become drunk with ambition and they regarded the public with disdain. Why bother telling the truth to the public? just set Hazel on them, she could dispense with mere mundanities. They built their Millbank Tower of Babel higher and higher and didn't notice that the public had rumbled them. The foundations of their edifice were weak and as arrogant Icarus found, their dreams and schemes came tumbling down. They kept putting their leader, Humpty Dumpty, back on the wall, but it was inevitable that he would have a great fall.
The public sang Hallelujah and thought that they had seen the last of Hazel and all the rest of them. But no, she's back, and is even more formidable than before. God help us.