How to explain death to a 6 year old

[wisteriawoman]

My DD's grandfather has died and she is devastated, yet she only met him once (last year). Has anyone got any suggestions on how to console her and how to support her.

(In case you're wondering why she only met this grandfather once it's because he lived in France and was the father of her natural father and she doesn't have a lot of regular contact with him).

Thanks in advance

Hello at my Papa's funeral this year we let his great grandchildren (ages between 15 and 8) write wee notes of love and wishes and attached them to hellium balloons and let them go just after the service, it was lovely, as the children felt they had a part in saying their good byes etc, and its nice because each note was their individual thoughts, and we still talk about it now, the two younger childrens balloon's got caught up in the same tree, while the others floated away, the two little one's were convinced their Papa was reading their notes, and needed to hold on to the balloons for a wee moment longer x

What a lovely idea, thank you for that suggestion. His funeral is tomorrow in France so maybe I'll get her to write something for him.

Can any one suggest any Bible readings or something that I can tell her about heaven. We've told her that he's gone to heaven-but out of earshot of my DH (her step father) who's a devout aetheist.

Hello, We chose to tell my nephew aged 3 that Papa had gone and he was now a star in the sky. It may sound a bit airy fairy but he chose to accept this and has easily moved on, but still talks very matter of factly about his Papa. Sorry I am not sure of any bible readings that may help. x

I think that if your husband is an atheist, it would be best toexplain that when people get very old they die. Everything that has a beginning and an end. And since we don't know what happens to us after we die, it is better not to make up stories to explain things.
As Christians we believe that the relationship we have built with Jesus Christ during our lifetime will continue after death, but if your daughter's grandfather was not a Christian, that of course would not be valid.
That is not to say that anything bad is happening to him, just that we don't know, that he is not with us any longer and that it is ok to be sad about that.

There are some good books for children to help with understanding the death of a friend or relative, badgers parting gift, waterbugs and dragonflies and always and forever are ones I read (just as stories and left him to ask questions and comment) with ds (6) when his friend died.

Well, you can say that we all have electricity in our bodies, which is true, and that this electricity that makes us think and do things like move our bodies. When we go to sleep for ever, the electricity then moves on to its next journey out of our bodies (when we die) - which is also kind of true - and it moves somewhere else to continue its work elsewhere.

Khalil Gibran wrote some lovely verses.

Gibran was born in the Christian Maronite town of Bsharri (in modern day northern Lebanon) to the son of a Maronite priest.[5] His mother Kamila was thirty when he was born; his father, also named Khalil, was her third husband.[6] As a result of his family's poverty, Gibran received no formal schooling during his youth. However, priests visited him regularly and taught him about the Bible, as well as the Arabic and Syriac languages.

This one is quite lovely, it's titled: The Beauty of Death

www.poetseers.org/the_great_poets/ar/gibran_poems/the_beauty_of_death/

John thank you for sharing the link, don't want to hijack the thread but that poem is simply beautiful.

When my bil died the minister warned my sil about explaining it in terms of angels and stars and so on. DC will take whatever you say as the literal truth.

Unfortunately my sil had already told her daughter that Daddy had inexplicably transformed into a star and was living with some people called Angels in the sky.

My niece (now 6) regularly subjects us to questions such as "are there toilets in heaven?" and "if I get a really big ladder, can I reach my daddy?" Her family aren't even remotely religious so I never understood why they explained it to her in these terms, but it was extremely unhelpful and I imagine that even if you ARE religious you'd end up with a whole raft of such questions that are impossible to answer.

The thing that helped her the most was looking at pictures of him, and drawing them together. A book I read recommended making a picture with the child in the centre, surrounded by all the different people who love her, and hanging this on the wall next to their bed. We made a lovely photo album and filled it with pictures of all her (numerous!) grannies, grandads, uncles, aunties etc. The balloon idea sounds lovely, too, but are you going to allow your child to think that their grandad is actually, physically, going to read it? Because that might well be what they think - they might end up expecting a reply! It's a great idea if explained carefully.

There are some lovely books to help kids with bereavement too - Sesame Street published a beautiful one about Big Bird and Mr Hooper that would absolutely break your heart. Not one mention of heaven in it - just an acknowledgement that the dead person has gone away.

I'm so sorry for your family's loss. I don't think there is any simple way of dealing with this.

Wisteria, just a thought, but as your dd didn't really know her granddad that well, part of her devastation may be to do with the fact that the reality of death has suddenly hit her. Any loss brings home the fact that we all die, so maybe fears for you or for herself might be things to watch out for.