Raised a Catholic.
Do I believe in God now at 39?
Yes, absolutely.
Being a Christian is my first and foremost identity that colours everything, what kind of wife, mother, daughter, a person you bump into I try to be.
I believe in a living loving God who I can have a personal relationship with ie he listens to my prayers, guides me in life, helps in times of trouble.
I'm 39. Would have to write a few mumsnet pages long essey on how my faith influenced my life in a positive way. I can see that a lot of good things in my life come directly as a result of my Christian choices earlier on. I also believe I experienced quite a few truly miraculous God's interventions in my life, one very very recently that I still cannot absorb fully as it's amazing.
I cannot possibly comprehend how anyone can be an atheist, how can you live like this, thinking this life is all there is. How can you raise children like this. I'm sorry but I just can't get my head round it.
I lost children to stillbirth/ late miscarriage ( latest only a few months ago). Yes, the pain was horrendous but I received loads of comfort from God and look forward to meeting my babies again one glorious day. It would be total dispair without my faith I can imagine.
I see myself as realistic ie I am fully aware how fragile all our lives are and fast approaching 40 I can now see how short this life really is . So it brings me great comfort and peace to have a strong belief in afterlife, in a loving God welcoming me with open arms on the other side.
I absolutelty attribute it to my faith that now at 39 I am very happy, have been married for 16 years, am totally in love with my husband ( mutually), have fab sex life , three wonderful children and I can actually totally enjoy the eldest twos' teenage years.
It all sounds very smug but I'm the last person to boast. Still, it is all true and before anyone says you can have all this as an atheist, it would not be the case in my life, all the above would be in ruin for certain if it wasn't for Christian choices and God's help in my past.
And yes, I can still believe in a loving God despite my own past suffering and all the great pains of this world. Christian philosophy explains this to a satisfactory level, though some of it still remains a mystery. I believe in a compassionate God who feels our pain and yearns to help but his hands are tied with our free will , will to accept his help and peoples will to bring help to others themselves and not cause sufferinf through our actions.