Was I wrong to tell ds I don't believe in heaven?

[MavisEnderby]

Short backstory.Dp died recently and his funeral was last Friday.

ds was totally aware his daddy was poorly,went to see him whislt he was in icu and still able to smile yet not talk.Had seen his daddy poorly over last few years.Knew he was dying.I have been open about cremation,funerals,the body being a shell,believing in a spirit/soul etc.

however i am not a christian/moslem/jew and have no organised religion so when ds asked if daddy was in heaven i had to be honest and say i didnt believe in heaven but felt that daddys soul/spirit,the daddiness of daddy was out there somewhere and he was at peace and not in pain,but if it helped ds to believe in heaven that was fine.Is this bad of me?

(f* me as i have been typing this the Chasing Cars song by Snow Patrol that i chose as my goodbye song at dp funeral came on...weird coincidence or dp telling me he is out there somewhere???)

On the radiostation i was listening to,not spontaneously i hasten to add.That WOULD have freaked me out

Oh Mavis

I think what you said to DS was perfect

How old is he?

HOw are YOU doing?

Im calmer now funeral done etc.

ds is 6.

I am so sorry for your loss. How old is DS? I think you have to say what you believe but if he needs to believe in a "place" for daddy to be, maybe wait till the stars are out at night and choose a star for him. Maybe even "buy" a star so that you and Ds can focus on a place up above but not necessarily a heavenly place.

Daddy will still be out there somewhere so he needs to know that he is always watched over and when he feels Daddy close, then he is.

Am similar to you wrt religious/spiritual beliefs

Have a dd age 6

Think she would 'get' what you said totally. And lovely that you have 'allowed' DS to formulate his own ideas and beliefs about death/afterlife etc

You sound very together, though I'm sure it's not feeling like that remotely

Hope you're still getting lots of RL support

I think that what you said is so special to you and him. 6 is hard because it's not a baby age but not quite old enough to be rational. I think he has a lovely mum and I hope that you are taking care of yourself, physically and mentally. Take care.

As far as I'm concerned (as a Christian) 'heaven' is just a word for whatever is next, and we don't know what that is. Like the anthropomorphic 'God' figure we have it is simply a convenient label to give us a means of grasping in a very limited way that which is ungraspable. My own view of 'heaven' is very similar to what you have described, rather than a 'traditional' view of an actual place.

FWIW I think you said exactly the right thing to your son - you have left the question open, which will enable him to ask further questions / talk more as and when you both feel ready. You have also left him with the possibility of a 'place' to visualise Daddy in, which (as I said) I feel is the purpose of the 'heaven' described by / to Christians.

I'm sorry - I've rambled. Do look after yourself.

Oh Im so sorry for you and your Ds

I am an athiest, and I dont believe in any sort of religion, but I think you said the right thing, being slightly vague, and saying daddys spirit is floating around somewhere is just what i would do until my kids are old enough to have a proper debate on the subject, after all we often talk about father Xmas, easter bunny and fairies and elves so anything is acceptable for the very young xx