Catholic Confirmation for Child with Severe special needs....

[Geri2]

Hello,
am looking for your views on this please.
I am in two minds as to whether or not to go forward with it. On one hand, I cannot really see the point, as DD3, although almost 14, would be completley unaware of what this is all about. On the other hand I think I would quite like her to have it done, on the understanding that it was done after the main service was carried out, with NO fuss.

I could have a word with my PP and see if he would be agreeable to this suggestion. A friend of mine, had her Daughter confirmed, although her DS was doing his at the same time.
My DD2 has just made her confirmation a couple of weeks ago, so I wouldn't think I would have to go to more parents meetings!

DD3 has made her communion, was a no fuss one which is what I wanted, I just took her up to communion and instead of a blessing the pp gave her the host. She was on the floor at this time, so ever since, if I do get her up the aisle she has had a blessing. I do take her to church, but now instead of having to come out midway through the mass, we just go straight to the porch... I am happy doing that, as it means at least I get to go too.

So, my question, after all that, is do you think it necs to have this done, for a child who has no idea what its all about!

I was unsure where to put this, on here or the special needs board...

Your views very welcome
TIA

I think it depends what you think/feel/believe happens at confirmation. If it is an act of grace from God to us - then go ahead: if it requires a level of understanding that you don't think your DD has - don't.
I think if it was my DD I would go ahead as she already receives communion, but I think it has to be a discussion between you and your pp.

You'd be surprised what we understand. As a small and autistic child, I had no idea that I was even a person...but I still knew that God and Jesus were someone special and holy. God speaks to people in ways that others simply cannot understand. He doesn't need us to have a high IQ for him to love someone. I'd say go for it.

Thankyou so much for your replies.
Am feeling quite tearful reading them!
Aig, I do feel that it is a gift from God, which although does require understanding, I'm sure he will be more than happy to give it to DD

Amber, your'e right. I had at one time been thinking along the lines of, 'who am I to deny her'. Although that was then replaced with, 'she cannot confirm what she doesnt understand!'
It is also very depressing for me, as I do find it very difficult seeing her along side Children of the same age.

I will speak directly to the PP, and see what he has to say. Its funny really because since DD2 has made her confirmation, I am feeling quite, 'holy' myself!

I will keep you informed.

Thanks again

I know someone whose son is severely autistic. His parents agonised over his Confirmation, because they thought he wouldn't know about, but they decided to go for it in the end. But he did - he responded to it! Then they knew it was right. Sorry, can't remember all the details, but I would say, yes, go for it!

It's a hard one for sure, but if you can, can you see it from God's perspective

He loves her and wants her. If she is confirmed then perhaps all she is confirming is her love. I believe God will forgive the rest, after all, he made her and only a cruel God would give her a level of understanding lower than she needs to be confirmed. I just don't believe that would happen, so I'd conclude that He's be very happy with your decision.

If it makes you feel happy then do itSlightly different scenario but dd is going to dps funeral even though she doesn't really understand her dad has died due to her sn.I am hoping she isn't going to be TOO noisy in the chapel,lol.

Oh Mavis,
I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Hope DD manages ok. I can only imagine what it would be like for her, wondering where her dad has gone. I will
be thinking of you x

DD is severely Autistic, with SLD, she also has epilepsy. It's hard to know what her level of understanding is, is prob that of a toddler if we're lucky.
I do get so angry sometimes when I take her to Church, with all the stares etc, although of course somee of the the time it could be me over-recacting.

Thanks again for all your replys, they are truly appreciated.

TBH I don't think dd has the understanding to conceptualise death and tho she loves her dad in her own little way the extent o her special needs arein some ways a blessing as a slong as she has a friendly loving person looking ater her it doesn't really bother her who it is iykwim,I am sure in her own way she will miss the presence o her dad but she has been her usual happy smily dd self.She has an intellectual age of 2).Please ignore the starers,they are not worth it

Mavis,
I know exactly what you mean....

I try and ignore the starers, it's not just in church tho, but there I would hope for a bit more understanding. DD tho not, 'non-verbal', as such, is very loud - repeating the same thing over and over and over again! This is why I have to take her out. Staying in the porch is working for us - tho think they could fit a few extra speakers! ( I bring her mp3 player and she listens to that if needed!

x

Geri2, I have every sympathy. My DS is high functioning, so many see his behaviour as just being naughty, and that I should 'control' him better. I can cope with stares, its the people who think he has to be quiet otherwise its spoiling it for other people that REALLY make me mad - especially if they come and tell me!

Have you read Autism and the God Connection? That had some incredible stories that really touched me (and made me cry). Its by William Stillman, who has Asperger's.

Worth getting the PP to look at an online journal called the Journal of Religion Disability and Health, which recently did a whole issue on communion and disability, including some very good work around autism/learning difficulties. Also have a look at the Church of England site for a publication called Opening the Doors. I know it's a different denom, but still good stuff in it.

Thanks again,
am so glad I posted on here yesterday, have not been on here for ages.

Mary, I had a look on amazon and ebay for the book, is it,'American based'?
In the past I have had people, well one woman, kissing her teeth, at dd3. Another time we were in the Porch, and this woman just kept on staring. DD2 went and spoke to her after the Mass, informing her that her 'sister is Autistic, and it doesn't help us, when People such as herself keep staring!', think DD2 was about 12 at the time. I was very proud of her.

Lol Amber, I am just imagining me directing the PP to the journal, don't think he would be too impressed, tho, of course I could be worng! He was involved in DD3 being excluded from school, (impropper use or an exclusion), I'm going back 8 years now. Things were very strained after that, although have improved greatly now.
He has shown myself and DD3 much more empathy compared to the Cathical co-ordinator, (scuze spelling)!
I've signed up to the site, so will have a read.

Thanks all
x

My brother has severe learning difficulties. He took his first communion aged around 14 and was confirmed when he was 20.

We have a family member who is a priest who did a lot of looking at very simple books, and talking about God and Jesus in a very simple way beforehand with DB. We also knew another priest who has done a lot of work with people with special needs, and who invited us to a service for people with special needs at Westminster Cathedral. I think it was great for everyone (especially my Mum and DB) to go to that service, it was so inclusive. I think we went 2 years running.
Can't remember what the society/group that organised it were called, but I can find out for you, if that would be helpful.

I would say definitely have a word with your priest too (if he is nice!), if you haven't already; I think my Mum was really pleased that all the priests she spoke too were really supportive of DB being confirmed, hope you will have the same experience.

Thanks Tabitha,
I am guessing that it may have been, 'St Josephs pastrol centre?'
I am just about to send PP an email, so will go from there. These days I do get on very well with him, a far cry from 8 years ago lol

Sounds like a very positive service, at Westminister - great to hear your Mum was pleased with it.

I remember saying that I would just take DD to a Church, that wasn't our own, on the day I would have had her first communion. My plan was to take her up to recive. That would be her, 'first communion'. My thought that the Priest would be none the wizer! I did take her to Church, and managed to get her up the aisle, but bottled out of it, for fear of being, 'struck down' lol and of course feeling that I, 'really shouldn't be doing this!'

Autism and the God Connection. I think he's Canadian. I emailed him once, got a reply back within 5 hours (you can tell he's an Aspie , never far from a computer)

Also if there is anything I can do to help. I'm an Anglican lay minister, but a former RC, and am well aware of RC teaching. I prepared my DS for First Communion after the church made such a cockup of it got it so badly wrong.

Lol Mary,
Thanks for your offer of help.

I have emailed so will see what happens.

I managed to find a review on the book, think it is more geared towards Aspergers, rather that severly autisic, and as we know such a huge difference.
Sure would be a good read anyway.

I've got a copy and it covers the entire spectrum, including some severely autistic. Its more a book of children's life stories and experiences rather than a help book, but I found it inspirational.

I think God can communicate with and reveal himself to ANY body; regardless of disability....

I mean, he made her - he knows how to connect with her

so go for it - just because we may not know what your dd knows or understands doesn't mean God doesn't. I truly believe he will make himself known to her, whether we "see" it happen or not...

Just thought I would update.
Had a reply from PP and is very positive... So it seems that it is very likely DD3 can make her confirmation

Would just like to say thankyou, for all your replies.

I'll keep you updated.

Fantastic news!!!