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Philosophy/religion

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Taking very small children to church - how?

42 replies

CoffeeMum · 25/05/2010 10:43

DH and I are planning to start attending church every Sunday, but what happens about our DC? We have a 2.3 year old and a 5 month old. So I wouldn't have thought they were old enough for Sunday school, but I couldn't rely on either to stay quiet during the service. Obviously, I could do the 'sit in the back row and dash out with them' thing, but i'd barely be in the church.

What happens? Do churches have creches? And if so, who runs them? Sorry to be so ignorant, but thanks in advance to anyone who can shed any light

OP posts:
Oblomov · 28/05/2010 15:29

catholic here. great for pre-schoolers. poor for really young/babies/toddlers. its is not frowned upon as such, but you just feel terrible. is that the old catholic guilt ? interesting thread.

mariagoretti · 30/05/2010 14:39

Hi louandcupoftea. Agree with you about churches often not coping with special needs during services. CoE Oxford diocese have an adviser on staff who has Asperger's and has raised awareness. A neighbouribg Catholic parish has a catechist who is a special needs teacher. But it's often v hard to cope with not meeting the expectations of others about older kids being easier to control in church.

roslily · 04/06/2010 23:57

At my church there is a kids/babies bit at back with mats, toys etc. They always say at beginning that children make noise, and there is no need to take them out. The toddlers wander around, etc. We have a girl with special needs who also likes to play with baby toys, make noise, run around- that is all fine too!

My 9 month old tends to make lots of noise during the talking and sleep during the worship!

It is so lovely to go to a family friendly church.

longwayfromhome · 05/06/2010 00:18

my church is pretty old fashioned. No other children, funny old mix of congregation. OUr 22 month old wanders around, sometimes DH takes him out. OUr baby is pretty chilled and I sometimes do some discreet breastfeeding. Snacks work well here. A whole apple takes quite a while to eat and isn't too messy.

Any you know what, the church in general love the kids. they were praying for some young people, so are really happy and kind to the babies.

mrsgboring · 05/06/2010 00:28

I would also add, never assume that people are disapproving of your child. There is a terrifyingly posh gentleman at my church who always looks a bit stern, but one day he told me he deliberately sits near the children's area so he can hear their noise when he's praying so he can focus on praying for the people in the congregation.

Timbachick · 05/06/2010 00:42

I am Catholic and go to Mass every Sunday with my DH and DS (now 10... the DS, that is). I have taken him since he was about 1yo. Have a look at Mass/Service times - our church devotes its' 10.30am Mass as a family mass and therefore suitable for children - any oldies/singlies/no kids people who attend, do so at their own peril - hah. We used to have a lovely priest who said that the childrens chatterings, whinging, crying was merely their way of speaking to God ... v sweet!I think if you are relaxed about it then your children will follow suit. You may very well encounter someone who is, shall we say, more than set in their ways but I am assuming you will use good judgement and, should one of your DC's REALLY kick off you would walk them/carry them outside 'til chilled???

ShoshanaBlue · 05/06/2010 23:52

Very few churches in our area have a children's liturgy. I know of one. However, children's liturgy isn't for the whole of the Mass and to be honest, my child can only really tolerate about 10 minutes of it.

littlefroggy · 06/06/2010 01:02

Mine have always gone to church from birth.
DS3 is nearly 18 months and is happy to sit and climb all over us during the service.
I have breastfed all 3 in church, including chats with the priest about baptism communion etc. AFAIK we have no child care provided but their is a crying room if you want to use it.
With the younger ones stay at the back and let them roam if thats what you want to do.
Lots of snacks and book type toys.

DandyDan · 22/06/2010 19:38

Lots of good ideas above.

Please, please do enjoy taking your children and don't worry about whether they'll disrupt anything. Some churches run creches, you can phone up and find out. Others have areas to one side or at the back where small ones can crawl about on a carpeted area and where there might be some toys provided. Some churches provide "children's packs" or "bags" with storybooks, colouring pencils and pages, and finger puppets. But you can also take some things along yourself if need be - small books, small crayons and notebooks, quiet rattles and teethers, and little pots of raisins.

Again, these days there might be some people who frown but my experience is that congregations are delighted to see new people, and young families, and are quite prepared for a bit of noise if need be - they have had children themselves too!

The only thing I would caution against is letting the children run around, if they are that age, as that really does distract from the service. If your child wants to be up and investigating, there is time for that after church, and during the service, you can take them to the back and look quietly at the things at the back of church, or if need be, out in the foyer, or out in the churchyard if even being in the building becomes too difficult.

The main thing is not to worry or feel embarrassed about coming and going - vicars have seen it all before and are very glad to see people in their churches.

Another main thing: don't get worked up that you are not able to join in everything or hear everything - it might be some time before you get to hear a whole sermon, or feel able to focus on the prayers but the point is that you're there, and the "being there" is as important as necessarily hearing the message. It is teaching your children that this is important to you, and that may be the best gift you can give to God, even if you don't hear all the sermon or manage to stay in for all the verses of the hymn.

I had four children under 7 and other than four Sundays a year holiday (since my husband was the vicar) they attended church every Sunday of their lives until 14, when they were legally allowed to stay home and choose for themselves. It's not always easy but the more you do it, the easier it becomes because your children get to copying you - kneeling, singing very simple bits of the service, going to communion, crossing yourself (if that's your tradition) - and they learn how to be in church from what you do.

It all sounds a bit serious but it is so worthwhile. And come the day that they're old enough to go to Sunday-school or Junior Church, they'll be ready for it.

cat64 · 22/06/2010 19:53

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MrsJamin · 22/06/2010 20:20

Just to add to all the excellent advice - would recommend a sling for your youngest as then you can easily get them to sleep in the service. Wouldn't go to church without mine!

amberlight · 22/06/2010 21:21

Marigoretti, I am the very adviser with autism of which you speak! Yup, lots of work still to be done on including children with SEN in churches but we're working hard on it.

cat64 · 22/06/2010 22:28

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chrisrobin · 23/06/2010 11:26

Some great advice here, toys and rasins are great for keeping them quiet. Love the sling idea, wish I had thought of that when mine were wee.

Our church is mostly made up of an elderly congregation but they have taken to our boys and love to see them.
We have a couple of hymns and a childrens address then DS1, aged 4, goes to Sunday school, DS2 is 2 so he goes into the creche. There is only him in the creche so DH goes out with him as he likes to spend the time playing with him on his own. He doesn't see DS2 that much as he works long hours during the week.

DS1 is very good about being quiet and reading or playing. He likes to find all the hymns for the service in the hymn book too. DS2 can be noisy! We sit by the side door so we can take him out if he gets too much but we have been told by many of the congregation to let him stay. I think they enjoy him heckling the minister Last week it was:

Minister: Welcome all who have come to worship today..
DS2: GO HOME! (said very loudly- he wanted me to take him home as he had left his favourite teddy)

Cue very embarrassed mummy, but the minister smiled and the congregation chuckled. It happens, they understand.

StarOfValkyrie · 23/06/2010 11:30

We've been taking ours 3 (with autism) and 21months since they were born. We sit at the back and they have a bit of freedom and there are toys there. They sometimes make a bit of noise. If it is very disruptive I take one out, but usually it is quieter overall to just deal with it then and there.

And there is an old lady that likes to sit at the back and turn around and tut, - but so what? She can move, and besides, if I was in the church's position, who would I want to feel more welcome, old ladies on their way out, or brand new children on their way in? Their survival depends on it!

Geri2 · 25/06/2010 09:39

Hahah Star,
I would always try and get to Mass early, to get the back seat lol
We have one 'childrens Mass' on a Sunday. I feel people should not moan aboout the Children making noise if they decide to go to this Mass, if it annoys them, they should consider going at another time... afterall it works both ways!

zanzibarmum · 25/06/2010 21:32

Surely there is a balance to strike.

It is not respectful of other church goers still
less God to let your child run roit or even
constantly bang their cars on the benches. Why do the parents of the
Noisiest toddlers always have to sit in the first row?
Take them into the quiet area that most churches
have or outside when they scream and roar. Why
Would you not.

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