Taking very small children to church - how?

[CoffeeMum]

DH and I are planning to start attending church every Sunday, but what happens about our DC? We have a 2.3 year old and a 5 month old. So I wouldn't have thought they were old enough for Sunday school, but I couldn't rely on either to stay quiet during the service. Obviously, I could do the 'sit in the back row and dash out with them' thing, but i'd barely be in the church.

What happens? Do churches have creches? And if so, who runs them? Sorry to be so ignorant, but thanks in advance to anyone who can shed any light

Many churches have a little quiet area with jigsaws and crayons at the back - we've taken ours since they were 18 months. There are quite a few babies and toddlers about and they're welcomed and happy.

If they're not welcomed, if a little bit of noise is frowned on, look for a new church

Some churches have creches, some churches run services especially for pre schoolers (like mine, it is a godsend literally), some churches make it obvious that you are welcome with your children even if they cry a bit etc...and to be honest, some churches don't do anything and are really unwelcome So my advice would be to ring round your local churches and find out what they do, and then be prepared to try more than one.

My view is that children are an essential part of churches and if they make a bit of noise so what? After all we were all children once, including Jesus and including the old ladies who disapprove so strongly!

Snacks - lots of them! Or you may be lucky and find your local church has a creche.

depends on the church

ours is big, and has groups for children from as soon as they can walk right through to teens (though a lot of the older teen stuff happens on a Sunday evening and midweek). We laso have a room at the back where parents can take their tinies, but the service is also piped in so they can hear it.

However, their is no expectation that children are taken out, if they don't settle in a group or want to stay with parents that is fine, and there are often children happily toddling up and down the aisle, sitting with parents maybe drawing or looking at books.

ther are always some parents rocking children atthe back, or pushing buggies at the back of church - we have a big modern building so there is space.

Any church worth its salt should welcome the children, and not be too bothered if they are making some noise. YOu may well find you make some frioends who are willing to help entertain your children during the service to take the pressure off.

there [aaaaarrrrrghhhhh] can't believe I made that mistake!

Some churches have a cry chapel, which is closed off with speakers so you can hear, and glass windows and doors so you cansee.

If not, you need to take plrnty of (non noisy) toys and books. Some people takje snacks and a drink.

I find the stand up, sit down, music and new faces can be a good distraction. I must admit that most of the time is spent keeping the kids organised... but as they get older they behave better.

You might get some snotty looks about the noise or distraction, but get a thick skin and remember you are introducing your kids to a lifrtime of faith - and they are only little, so it's not reasonable to expect them to sit and participate as adults do

When mine are very small, I only take them to the family service which is held once a month. It is a shorter service with family friendly themes, jolly hymns and older children participating (reading the lesson, singing, playing an instrument) so plenty to keep them occupied. Is there anything like that at the church you are planning to attend?
Why not give the priest a call and ask him what services they have for families?

Another thing that might suit you while your children are little is a church run group seperate from the Sunday services. I run a children's group for 5 - 12 year olds and a toddler group for under 5's in our village. We share a bible story, do a craft activity, sing songs, play games etc and say a prayer at the end.

When attending church with children, you will always at some point get the old lady that tuts loudly when your child speaks but do try to have a thick skin and ignore them - they are in the minority. I am sure your priest will tell you that you and your family are very, very welcome at church. After all, if the church does not welcome the next generation, they may as well throw away the keys!

Wow, so many replies - thank you very much everyone for taking the time.

This sounds really positive - i didn't even think you'd be allowed to bring little ones into a church to be honest, so hearing that it's pretty common is a great relief. And as some of you rightly point out, the little ones are the next generation of worshippers anyway, you can't alienate an entire generation can you.

We have a local church in mind, so I think i will approach and see what their stance is. I would probably hesitate to want to get involved in a church that wasn't going to welcome my whole family [given that i'll obviously be considerate and not leave the baby screaming throughout the prayers ]

Thanks again everyone for your replies.

Definitely check out what is available at the Church you have in mind.

Our Church has a "Sunday School" especially for 0-5s (a parent stays with the child(ren)) - with age appropriate bible stories, crafts and toys, so they would not be too young here, we start 'em young

Most Churches have an area you can take children to if you feel the need, if you want to deal privately with a toddler meltdown for example!

Definitely take quiet toys & snacks (some church have toy sacks available) Don't worry about a bit of noise, and ignore the one or two people in each Church that tut if children so much as breathe. Virtually every one is welcoming (and those that aren't should be!) and most remember what it's like to have preschoolers with you in Church, so empathise....

Our priests occasionally reminds everyone that children aren't the next generation of worshippers, they are part of the Church now & should be welcomed and nurtured the same as everyone else is.

Also check out to see if your Diocese has adopted the child friendly church award (not all have) - if they use it, it's a good indication that the Churches that have been awarded it are good at catering for kids.

Chucrh websites often (and they all should) tell you what is provided for children during the service. I know at our church we would be very happy to explain what we provided for children if you rang the office during the week. We also print what's available on our service sheet which you get when you come in to the service (along with how long the service should be and where the loos are!), and there are people hanging around whose job is to welcome and explain so you can ask them anything you need to know.

Our church service has all children in for a few minutes and then Sunday School groups from ages 3-14 which are run by CRB-checked teachers (stories, games, craft, snacks). There's a creche for under 3s, again run by CRB-checked volunteers, in which parents are welcome to stay but don't have to. We also have a basket of 'busy bags' - cloth drawstring bags with a couple of board books and toys in them for kids to play with during the service. And we don't mind a little bit of crying either!

Hope you find the right place.

My children are pretty much the same age as yours. For babies we have a room with the service piped in and a creche for under 2s with lots of toys and helpers from the church congregation who take turns to look after them (or parents can sit in the creche). For preschoolers we have a group with a story, songs then a craft. Again it's run by people from the church and parents can stay if they prefer. We then have proper sunday school for school aged children. Of course you can keep the children in the service with you but most take them to groups once they are a few months old.

As to who runs it, its always people from the congregation- they are CRB checked and make sure there are always 2 including one woman etc but they may have no early years experience. E.g. our preschool group is currently run by a great couple who both have and work with young children so they do brilliantly. When they were on hols a student did the story instead and started by asking the assembled 2 yr olds what 'transfiguration' meant (made all the more amusing by the fact that he was pretending that it was the toy monkey on his lap that was asking the question)... it became more surreal after that!

Hope you find somewhere friendly and welcoming

sorry it's !

:thumbsup: to what everyone else has said, just a few thoughts on what has worked for me & friends (these are for if you bring the children into the service with you, rather than leave them in a group, which can also work, it's personal preference really):

1)It will feel counter-intuitive, but the toddler especially will be more likely to behave if you sit near the front as then s/he will be able to see & hear what's going on. Sit near the end of a pew so you can still get out if need be It also helps to give a quiet running commentary, ask them to spot various things, help them to hold the service sheet and sing the hymns etc.

2)Check where toilets, baby changing facilities etc are before the service starts!

3)This is up to you, of course (as it all of it), but I would advise avoiding the cry room if at all possible. I think they're a good idea in principle, but they're filled with fun toys, other children to play with etc and it won't take your toddler long to work out that all s/he has to do is make a fuss and s/he'll get taken away from the 'boring' service and into somewhere much more fun! This is fine if you don't mind sitting in there every Sunday for the next few years, but if you're hoping to use it as a one-off and then re-integrate them into the main service then remember how sneaky toddlers can be! You will have to take DC out at some point (it's inevitable), but I find it better to take them somewhere quiet where they can calm down without being over-stimulated; save the toys for when they're behaving well in their pew. If they need distracting when out, you can always point out architectural features around you (depends on the type of church but e.g. stained glass, decorative fonts etc). This is only one POV, obviously, I know many other people find it better to use the cry room & toys. Do what feels right for you.

4)Bring snacks that don't crumble everywhere/make a loud noise when you rummage around in them!

5)Most churchgoers won't mind if the toddler wanders up and down a bit. Set boundaries so they're not running around on the altar, but so long as you're happy with it, a little mini-exploration of the area around where you're sitting is fine.

i take my 1,2 and 4 year olds to church on my own. they do make noise but not too much. i do feel the burning in the back of my head on occassions because the girls have made noise. my church does not have activites for them. my vicar has said it is ok for them to make noise,wander about, she wants them to feel safe in church. i have more angst and boundaries on wandering than her! i have decided that if people have a problem with a child making normal,not unruley noise then it is their problem. its taken me time to come to this conclusion and the girls at the same time have learnt what is expected. i think there is nothing more beautiful than a happy child in church. my baby has begun to say amen and makes people smile by playing boo. my middle child has started to try sing the songs and my v anxious 4 year old, takes on a new confidence. enjoy!

Protestants have creches, but Catholics do not!

Methodists are really good for having children's stuff.

Just to add my voice to the mix..... definitely check with the church you plan to attend. I would be amazed if there isn't some provision for children, but it clearly varies a lot from church to church.

At ours, we have the whole of one side of the church (there is a middle and 2 sides to the nave of our church) dedicated as a 'family' area. The chairs are laid out in 'squares' with floor space in the middle so the parents can sit round the children while they play with the (many) toys through the service - the children are reasonably 'contained' too so you don't have too much of a problem with parents running up and down the aisle chasing toddlers .

For the bulk of the service the children are 'invited' (nobody makes them go!) to go out to the hall for activities, where they are split into age groups. I run the preschool group, where we have children from (literally!) birth to school age. It's a challenge but great fun. We do need parents to stay with the children as we don't have capacity to run it as a creche, but actually it's a really good way to get to know other parents from the congregation. The down side is that the parent misses the service, but many families take turns so that Dad comes out one week and Mum the next.

So definitely check with the church because they are all different and it's good to know what to expect when you get there. And members of the congregations ought to be very welcoming and be willing to point you in the right direction on your first visit, especially if you are brave enough to say it's your first visit and you're not sure what the form is.

Good luck! Will you report back? Would be interested to see how you get on

SB ?
?Protestants have creches, but Catholics do not!?
most catholic churches have a children?s liturgy though with CRB checked volunteers (usually involving a lot of colouring for the littlest ones).

The bigger issue that I feel churches are not facing is how to include children/teens with learning disabilities/autism and their families in services. It is one thing having a young child making strange noises or not wanting to sit still, but many families with kids with special needs often feel isolated in other areas of life and I think churches could be doing more.

Children are more than welcome in Church and i think its nice that you go to church with little ones. The Vicar baptises children and fully understand that they can be screechy/noisy and cry.. . .dont worry . . .Remember "Suffer little children to come unto me" Plus, its no lovely when you go up for Holy Communion/Eucahrist and the priest blesses all the little children. Mine are 9 yrs, 19 and 22 yrs now and my son is a Chorister in our church and its great to hear them sing. Its so good for little children to hear the music . . .develops that musical ear. Good luck !!

I just want to thank everyone who has contributed to this thread. Our church is just starting to think about how we can improve our provision for children and some of the ideas here have been great. I hadn't thought about children (or adults) with special needs and I will make sure that is addressed. Thanks so much.

I haven't been taking my DS (2) for a while because the only mass time (it's a small parish and is
shared) coincides with his morning sleep - dh isn't catholic so really doesn't mind staying behind to watch him!!

Once he drops his nap I fully intend to go and take him along to the children's church.

All our kids come back and show us what they've been doing and then go back to their seats
Then they all join hands round the altar for the Our Father And then carry the sign of peace all round the church = it's lovely.

What worked for me previously is snacks (quiet ones, like raisins) , books and quiet things with wheels that he can drive along.

HTH

TheProvincialLady - definitely check out the child friend church award link I pasted - they have loads of ideas & prompts of things to think about on their website - you don't have to be going for the award to use them

Yes I have already pinched seen lots of good ideas from the website thanks, and have just had the vicar over to talk to about it all. She was keen

If you try one church and don't feel comfortable with the children, don't be put of but try another one.

I know of one church where - because they do provide children's activities - expect all children to go out to them.

However, our accepts children going out or staying in the service.