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Original poster

DS going into hospital tomorrow. Wanted to speak to priest, but secretary wanted to ask me a ton of questions instead.

21 replies

LapsedLapsedCatholic · 23/03/2010 13:48

Namechanger. Am a very lapsed Catholic, but have been going to mass recently.

DS (2) hasn't been baptized, but wanted to discuss it with the parish priest, or at least ask for prayers to be said as he is going into hospital tomorrow for yet more tests. Every time he goes in, he stays at least 2 weeks and there is some concern that it may be serious

Called up the parish secretary and explained the situation. She asked whether I was Catholic, and explained that I had been baptized Catholic. She then wanted to know whether I had been attending mass regularly. I said that I had been, but that, with respect, the reason for the call was not about me, but about my son. She said the priest was very busy.

Am feeling so despondent and frankly a bit grubby.

All I wanted was for prayers to be said for DS, and possibly for a discussion with the priest about baptism rather than a school admission!

Don't think I will be going back, but why oh why does it have to be so unwelcoming? Is this normal?

OP posts:

probonbon · 23/03/2010 13:50

Oh that does leave a rather bad taste in the mouth. I will say a prayer for your son am not a priest nor a particularly marvellous person but I will say a prayer for him.

cakeywakey · 23/03/2010 13:59

Really sorry to hear that your son isn't well and that the way the parish secretary spoke to you has upset you.

It may well be that she needs to ask some questions to feed back to the priest, but there are ways and means of doing it! TBH if you explained the situation like you have here, I'd have thought she'd have been more understanding. Unfortunately some gatekeepers can become real jobsworths and forget to treat people with compassion. Ironic for a church eh?

So, you could try speaking to her again and just ask for prayers to be said - tackle the baptism later once DS is back out of hospital perhaps? Or do you have a phone number where you can call the priest direct? Other options on getting a baptism arranged are to nab him after Mass or pop a note through the presbytery door (marked private).

I hope that your son's tests go ok. Please don't let the secretary put you off going back to your church, it sounds like you need it at the moment. Take care.

Reallytired · 23/03/2010 14:52

Maybe you would be better contacting the hospital chaplin. They would be better at handling such a situation. I am sure they could arrange for your child to be baptised.

I think a letter needs to written to the priest or the Bishop to explain that you want prayers said that your son will live long enough to go to school.

I will say prayers for your son, I am not catholic yet alone a priest.

justaboutkeepingawake · 23/03/2010 14:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

purpleturtle · 23/03/2010 15:00

Did they take your number? Is the priest going to call you?

I have been that person fielding calls, and sometimes it is necessary to filter them a bit - but that is so that calls like yours can be prioritised. It is not supposed to make you feel like you do.

Will pray for you and your DS. (Like justabout, am Anglican, but God listens to us too )

confuddledDOTcom · 23/03/2010 15:14

I can't believe that God's not fussy, He just asks you to have faith (Jesus never asked people whether they'd done xyz, He just said "do you believe").

Our previous minister wasn't funny over my children and my brothers because of them being illigitimate, but fortunately that seems to be rather unique! Both my children were Dedicated by other ministers who were honoured to be asked.

I'm Pentecostal and believe prayer is for everyone so I hope you don't mind me praying too.

Original poster

LapsedLapsedCatholic · 23/03/2010 17:09

Thanks for your prayers for DS.

The conversation went like this:

me: Good morning. My name is xxx and am new to the parish, and would like to have a brief word with Father xxx about my son, 2, who is not baptized and who is going into hospital tomorrow.

secretary: Oh, well you will need to make an appointment to see him. He's terribly booked up.

me: Yes, I realize that, but my son is going into hospital tomorrow and would like to discuss the possibilities.

secretary: Are you Catholic?

me: well, yes. Lapsed but baptized, so yes.

secretary: Do you go to mass regularly?

me: Recently, yes.

secretary: how recent is recent?

me: With respect, this is not about me, but my son who is unwell. Is it possible to speak to Father xxx please?

secretary: Like I said, he's very busy this time of year.

me: Yes, I appreciate that. Thank you very much for your time.

Secretary: I suppose I could give him your number.

me: Thank you. Think I'll leave it. Happy Easter to you.

Oh well. Very unlike the parish where I grew up where the priest would greet the congregation after mass and if there were new people, they would be invited for coffee and muffins (it was the USA!) before mass as a 'get to know you...'

Am really really disappointed/exasperated. My DD is good friends with one of the girls at the parish, and I really wanted to make my peace with the faith, but it just seems so inaccessible.

Need to concentrate on DS though for the moment, so thank you for all your thoughts and prayers. I like the hospital chaplain idea

OP posts:

morningpaper · 23/03/2010 17:11

shockingly bad

It would be worth asking the hospital chaplaincy team? They might be more sympathetic!

If you could give us an idea of where you are, then someone might be able to suggest someone?

Prayers for you here too xx

itsmeitsmeolord · 23/03/2010 17:19

An experience like that is why I stopped going to church in a particular parish.

I am catholic too.

I'll certainly say a couple of prayers for you and your son. Hoping everything goes well for you. x x

lou031205 · 23/03/2010 17:22

I am not catholic, nor a minister, but I am a child of God, so I will pray too

lillybloom · 23/03/2010 20:16

lapsed I am sorry to hear about your son being unwell, I will pray for him too. I am appauled at the secretary's attitude and I am sure the priest will be too. I lived in a busy parish when my son was baptised but the priest was so happy to welsome a child into the faith. I agree with cakey maybe try and chat to him after mass or pop in to the church at confession times. In out parish its always empty then

onepieceoflollipop · 23/03/2010 20:26

we will pray for you too. I attend an Anglican church but just see myself as Christian.

I would echo what someone else said about trying to catch the priest in person, or put a note through the door. (or possibly e-mail him, some ministers/priests have access to e-mail for professional purposes)

Earthymama · 23/03/2010 21:03

Well, I'm a pagan and I'll say a prayer too!

I think maybe the secretary has been on the same course as local doctor's receptionist!

It's the last thing you need when you are worried about DS, I'm so sorry you are going through this.

lillybloom · 23/03/2010 21:10

doctors receptionist course Earthy thats just what the secretary sounds like

DutchOma · 25/03/2010 09:11

How are you now Lapsed? And how did it go with your son? Sorry to hear about your experiences with your parish priest, but it probably generated more prayers for your son posting on here than you might have had from an overworked priest.

Tootiredforgodtyping · 25/03/2010 09:32

There will be a catholic chaplin at the hospital who will be able to baptise you son if ncessary...

madhairday · 25/03/2010 14:30

That's such a shame LLC. It shouldn't be like that. Yes sometimes details need to be taken but that sounds hostile and unfriendly.
How is your ds now? Hope things have gone OK. Please remember that this is just one person, and not reflecting the church as a whole, and it would still be worth looking into it more, or even at another church if that one feels wrong.
Good advice from pps to contact the hosp chaplain.

PlumBumMum · 25/03/2010 14:41

tbh she just sounds like a nosey old bitty, and I think you gave her too much information it was none of her business how often you go to mass,
ring back and ask her when is the best time to speak to father xx, as it is important,

members of the parish who have lapsed and in need of some guidance are surely the ones the priest needs to be available for

like itsmeitsmeolord I have had an experience like this and it really puts you off

PlumBumMum · 25/03/2010 14:43

sorry didn't look at the date on the post, hope your ds is well xx

ShoshanaBlue · 25/03/2010 21:21

Hospital chaplaincy is your best bet. Most parish priests nowadays have at least 2 parishes and seem to have a ridiculous amount of work.

Failed legal secretaries will always be with us. Some will get jobs in schools - gah!

Hope everything is going ok....

Original poster

LapsedLapsedCatholic · 01/04/2010 20:31

Thank you all for your comments and experiences.

DS is fine after his stay in Children's Hospital, and hopefully any further tests can be done as an outpatient. He doesn't have leukaemia and all the scary things have been eliminated. He has 2 consultants and is being monitored closely.

Am so grateful to you all for making me feel as if I wasn't going crazy. As a result, I emailed the Bishop (although didn't give specifics about the parish) and he seems to agree; that the priest should have been available and the church shouldn't create barriers.

May change parishes.

Quite like the Bishop though

Thanks again people...

OP posts:

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