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Philosophy/religion

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christian mother, muslim father

3 replies

nk7 · 20/03/2010 03:05

I would be interested to hear any helpful advice to this one. My little girls father never told me he would expect her follow his religion, but now she is older he's wanting to get involved. She's been brought up by me on my own even though we were married. I think the way he has behaved in the past is unkind to say the least and I don't believe that it can be a correct way for a person with faith to behave. He is still her father though so should I involve him? She is a happy little girl and I don't want to bring conflict into her life.

OP posts:
Poll32 · 20/03/2010 08:58

He maybe her biological father, but that doesn't mean he can come back into her life just because he now likes the idea of being a dad. OK, so he wants to get more involved now (I am assuming the sleepless nights and nappy stage has now passed?), but what is to say he won't go off again? I know he may have grown up and everyone deserves a second chance etc etc, but you can't guarantee that he won't hurt your daughter by disappearing.

At the same time, if you don't let him see her, your daughter in turn could ask you why you never let her see her dad. Is there any way you could arrange meetings with him to meet your daughter when you are around so you could supervise?

As you say, he is her father so he could easily go to court and demand access... it may be easier to come to an arrangement, by as I have just written, letting him come to the house on your terms. It might also be a good idea to seek some legal advice (I think Citizens Advice are fab - well the one in my area is good) - just so you know what the law says in these situations and so you know your legal rights in case he does go down the road of legal access.

As for the religion, I don't think he has any right to make her grow up as a Muslim - you are the one that has been bringing her up and in theory he should respect this, but that is in theory!! Fine, let her know about the religion as it is part of who she is, but don't let religion get in the way. At the end of the day, which religion she follows should be her choice - not yours and certainly not your ex-husband's (well that is just my opinion - there may be others who will disagree).

It is a difficult one and I am not sure if I have helped....

sh77 · 20/03/2010 21:07

So sorry you are going through this. As a muslim myslef, I don't believe he can just walk into her life and expect that she follow Islam because it now suits him, especially when he had very little involvement in her life previously. Lineage does pass through the father, i.e., muslim men are allowed to marry christians and jews as they are people of the book. The child's religion is supposed to be that of the father's. However, Islam also teaches that there is no compulsion in the religion - one can't be forced. Give your daughter knowledge and good character and let her decide.

Bumbleconfusus · 23/03/2010 07:13

Is your daughter about 7yo then (this is how old DH said a child is before it begins practising Islam)? As you stated you are a Christian, she has probably been raised a Christian? I don't really see how you can just tell a 7yo that what they learnt before was all wrong etc without massively confusing them. If you husband wanted her to be a Muslim, then he should have done it from the start.

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