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Philosophy/religion

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mixed religions.....

18 replies

Poll32 · 08/03/2010 09:05

Due to give birth in July - the father is a Muslim and I am a Christian. We are already arguing about what religion the child should be and if it's a boy the dad wants the baby to be circumcised whereas I don't. I think it should be individual choice. As it currently stands, I will be the main/full-time carer...
Anyone in/been in a similar situation?

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Alouiseg · 08/03/2010 10:28

Not been in that situation but genital mutilation for no good reason is totally unacceptable.

Ds was circumcised for medical reasons and his surgeon was telling me about religious circumcisions. He was very, very against them.

scouserabroad · 08/03/2010 10:32

Yes, tho we haven't had the circumsion issue as we only have DDs. DH is a muslim and I am a catholic, the DDs are being brought up as muslims. They are only 2 and 3 years old so this doesn't really mean anything yet, so far the only difference between them & non muslim children is that they don't eat pork.

To be honest if I disagreed with the DDs being brought up as muslims it would cause HUGE problems between me & DH, in fact we already have the Christmas & Easter argument every year (as in, do we celebrate? I say we do, DH says we don't, the society we live in says we do... you get the picture lol).

Is your DH a practising muslim? Don't know what to say tbh, but as far as I know muslims have to raise their children as muslims but of course it depends on individuals how strict they are.

Alouiseg · 08/03/2010 16:18

I sincerely hope you make the protection of your child an absolute priority and do not allow your husband to have your son mutilated.

It is barbaric and unnecessary and i hope that this country makes GM illegal.

Poll32 · 08/03/2010 20:57

First point I didn't make very clear - he is NOT my husband....he wanted to get married, but I said no - felt I was being pushed into something...
The baby is taking my surname (not told this to the dad yet - figured I would just register him/her first....).

He is a semi practising muslim if that makes sense? I.e. He prays, but not 5 times I am quite sure and he doesn't eat pork, but he does drink (alcohol) and eats meat that isn't halal...

I don't mind what the sex is, but I have a feeling it's a boy - don't know how/why, but just a feeling....

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Alouiseg · 08/03/2010 21:01

Well if he won't stick to the rules of his religion I see no reason whatsoever that a child should be mutilated in the name of it.

Please be careful and be strong for your baby.

Bumbleconfusus · 08/03/2010 23:10

My DH is Muslim, and we have just had our first DC (DD), so the circumcision wasn't an issue but I know if we do have a DS my only issue would be to get it done asap (like in Judaism) rather than wait till the DS was about 3 (as is traditional in his culture). It has a fair few health benefits... As DH is a practising Muslim he insisted that our children be Muslim (he was honest and told me this prior to marrying me)... Religiously speaking, in Catholicism it says that Muslims can have salvation too, but in Islam is says those who believe in the trinity are going to hell. On the other hand if your DP is drinking and not praying etc, then its probably better if your child was Christian if you are practising.

littleducks · 08/03/2010 23:34

I'm Muslim. My son is circimsised.

I am going to speak frankly so please dont be offended but i think it is important here.

Within Islam it is very important for a boy to be circumcised. It is compulsory.

In islam it is forbidden to have sex outside marriage and to conceive an illegitimate child (i feel awful using this term when thewre is a real baby involoved, please forgive me but this needed to be laid out clearly). The drinking etc, is obv disaproved off but does not come into this issue.

Your baby's father choose to have a relationship/relations with you knowing that you were not Muslim. He choose to do this without marrying you. Muslim men can marry Christian/Jewish women but the children from this marriages must be raised muslim, so a deal should be struck on marriage. This baby is a consequence of his decisions.

Having done what he has done, i dont think that the baby's father has any right to tell you what to do wrt the child. He should be extremly grateful that you are going to allow the child to be exposed to Islam at all. The child would be viewed as not to blamless in all of this, an innocent party.

I think you should put this quite clearly to the babys father. It is not your fault if his son is not circumcised, you are not muslim and not subject to shariah law and rulings. It is the fathers fault alone and he should not be bullying you into doing things as he has failed in his responsibilities. As the mother of his child he needs to show you utmost respect.

littleducks · 08/03/2010 23:36

Sorry the 'child would be blameless'

difficultdecision · 10/03/2010 15:46

here here littleducks!

Poll32 · 10/03/2010 19:54

Cheers for the advice/comments - littleducks, am totally not offended - I prefer people to be direct and say it how it is. Alouiseg - as you say... must be strong and keep cool - I am determined to win this one.

Happy for the child to know about Islam and Christianity and when he/she is old enough he/she can choose and I will respect that choice. Assuming it will be a boy, I think it should be up to him to eventually decide if he wants to be circumcised or not - not his unreliable, irresponsible father....

Just a quick question, why do men in Islam (and Judaism) have to be circumcised?

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Bumbleconfusus · 10/03/2010 22:23

Judaism - traditionally at 8 days old, and heres a link from the bbc about circumcision in Islam...

www.bbc.co.uk/religion/religions/islam/islamethics/malecircumcision.shtml

Personally I think the earlier the better, my Jewish cousin had it done at 8 days old and my aunt said he was in discomfort for about 24 hours, then was fine again with no other complaints.

Poll32 · 10/03/2010 22:44

Thanks for that link - must remember it as states that circumcision is not compulsory.... will useful.

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Poll32 · 10/03/2010 22:44

I meant 'will be useful'

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Bumbleconfusus · 11/03/2010 04:37

I trust in the BBC... it is interesting though that its a man who insists on it, and who's had it done himself... I wonder if there are any men who have had this done as children/babies that are against it as adults? (bar the one that they made a film of where there was a mistake by the surgeon...)

nooka · 11/03/2010 04:42

My ds was concerned about this - her dh is a non practicing Jew, but wanted any ds to be circumcised. Luckily she only had dds so the issue didn't come up, but I think it would have been very difficult.

nk7 · 20/03/2010 02:27

You say has anyone been in a similar situation, I was married to a muslim man, he didn't seem very religious, semi religious as you say, and never once mentioned that he would want them to be muslim. When I did become pregnant he was not happy about it at all. He left me to bring her up on my own even though we were married. Now he got remarried to a younger muslim woman, and they want to be involved in bringing her up.
My ex husband became religious as he got older. At least he is having the discussion with you now so you have an idea about what the future might hold.

nk7 · 20/03/2010 02:32

'them'.. i meant 'our children'

Poll32 · 20/03/2010 08:31

Yes, you're right nk7 - preparing myself....,but as the keeps saying he will go back to France (for a variety of reasons) before the baby is born, in my opinion, he is loosing his rights....

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