What should I do/read next?

[MrsWobbleTheWaitress]

I have suffered a great deal over my whole life with depression. I have had a few months of psychodynamic psychotherapy, which I found helpful, but too much to continue (both the burden of knowing mine and DH's parents were paying for it, and the time in my life to do it, having to find childcare twice a week for it).

When I first realised the extent of my depression when I started the counselling, and how long I had suffered from it, I was bought by a wonderful friend 'A New Earth' by Eckhart Tolle. I read the first few chapters and then couldn't get any further, but I found what I had read helpful.

She also bought me '8 minute meditation' - an american book about learning to meditate in small steps. Again, I found it helpful for a couple of weeks, but tailed off with it.

As I began to feel that that particular depressive episode was lifting,a nd that I was coping with any minor blips far better than I ever had, I stopped doing the things that I'd started to help. I stopped going to my yoga class, as well as stopping the meditation and the reading helpful books.

I was really very ill with depression a couple of weeks ago - no warning, no obvious reason. It felt really awful. I was coping, but just crying the whole time. I took the bull by the horns, and started reading A New Earth again.

The book inspired me to start meditating again and, as I got to the end of it, I began to really 'get' what he was saying; to really understand what people are talking about when they talk about spirituality.

I don't know what you 'call' the belief he writes about, but it sits so well with me. I feel very uncomfortable with organised religion for a few reasons, but I also feel very uncomfortable with the idea of atheism. I just can't believe that we are nothing but things that are born, live and die with nothing deeper or more profound than that.

So I've really, really taken to Tolle's writing, although I know it's just a way of expressing age-old beliefs.

What I want to know is where to take this next, to develop this part of my life to hopefully make my life more full. I am very content in my life, but just have these horrible episodes of depression that come out of nowhere and kind of ruin my otherwise 'charmed' life! So what next?

I've considered a meditation class, but feel nervous. I'm wondering about attending some quaker meetings. I am re-starting the yoga classes I was doing - the teacher works in the tradition that used to be called Viniyoga - much more about creating 'space' than about doing the poses as dramatically as possible IYSWIM. So I think it will help me to try to reach the spiritual place in me.

Is anyone up for discussing this with me? Maybe even having a thread for exploring spirituality?

I don't want to let this energy 'fade' through lack of talking/reading/doing about it IYSWIM!

Anyone?

Hi MWTW, i have (kind of) found myself in a similar position to you, discovering a spirituality that has so far been missing my life, i am going to try and attend a Quaker meeting on Sunday if i can get childcare for DD, the 'silent waiting' really appeals to me.

Hi MrsWobble,

I have also suffered from anxiety/depression in the past. I practice meditation (every other day more than daily at the moment) and go to a class ran by the samatha trust which is a lay buddhist meditation group. Having tried a few different meditation classes/groups I found it very helpful. Its basic breath meditation / everyday mindfulness with no organised religion overtones at all.

I have also read Eckhart Tolle's books other of his I like are Stillness Speaks and Practising the Power of Now - good stuff. I'm also into buddhist stuff too and can recommend some stuff from that side of things if you are interested.

For a nice basic book on meditation I recommend 'Teach Yourself to Meditate' by Eric Harrison - its a secular down to earth guide.

I have heard many good things about Quakers - thought of going to meeting myself before I got back on the buddhist wagon as it were.

Hope some of that is of some use !

ps don't be worried about going to meditation classes - you might need to try more than one to find one that feels right (I settled on attempt 3!), but in general they tend to be very friendly and most people are probably nervous when they first start (I was)!

Thank you both.

There is a buddhist centre near us that does weekly meditation classes for a small donation.

I think I need something regular to connect with other people of like mind to maintain my enthusiasm and motivation. I find it all too easy to gradually give up things if not. Other than Quakers, are there any other meetings in a similar vein? Do Buddhists meet regularly? If so, do you have to be a buddhist to attend? Is it just group meditation they meet for?

I don't even know a word for the sort of 'presence' that Tolle teaches about so I can't even google it to see if there's anything local!

Hi MrsWobble,

Buddhist meditation groups normally meet regularly (weekly / monthly). I have been going to buddhist meditation groups for a few years, I am almost ready to say that I am a buddhist, but I haven't taken 'refuge' - which is when you commit to it - normally in a little ceremony with a monk. Buddhism is pretty relaxed though and is more of a set of spiritual practices and philosophy, its rather different to judeo-christian dogma.

Eckhart's teachings on presence are similar to buddhist teachings on 'mindfullness' and in some traditions 'samadhi'.

My advice would be to try a few buddhist meditation groups and see what suits (if you have access to more than one). Do you know the name of the place near you ?

If you want an opinion of what organisations might suit you, drop my wife a line on Facebook,she said she knows you !!!

Hi MrsWobble

I feel you are right, connecting with other people, especially spiritually really does help keep the motivation and healing journey moving

I hope I don't offend, as I don't wish to send judgement, only empathy and a connection in my post to you - through Spirit I / we are all here to Support you and Support ourselves.

I have discovered recently that Supporting Myself and being gentle on myself really helps! I used to give myself such a hard time. I have also discovered that rather than turning to God and constantly asking for help and Do this for me, Do that for me please, but Instead thinking I am creating my reality, my dreams and already so much has been given to me.... It is my task to thank Spirit, and help Spirit. It seems when I feel that way that Spirit really helps me more as a response to what seems to be a closer way to touch Paradise in the Cosmic World and in myself

Facebook - I see cockneydad mentioned Facebook. There are some very wonderful Supporting Communities there - my favourite atm and my favourite series of books are The Ringing Cedars Books... search for Ringing Cedars International. There are a very alive bunch of people and the focus is on Wonderment and Awe to increase the good light energy in ourselves and in the World.

Yes, so I don't wish to offend, only help you understand and move away from the roundabout of depression. As I wrote this I thought of a media article recently I heard of about a Fat Guy.. will grab some info about it... but basically he was obese and started a Web Blog. He was a Lonely, Fat Guy... now in response to him reaching out, and finding there were loads of people who felt like him, and also had weight problems... now he is the Former Fat Guy. How did he do it! He became part of a community and got off the Obesity roundabout.
www.formerfatguyblog.com/

I wish you receive blessings, each and every day and that you send out blessings to the Day, each and every Day

Also, another thought!

Do you work, do you have free time during the day? What do you dream of, what brings you passion?
You might find that Volunteering could help you get out into the community.

I run a Community Native Tree Nursery, which is part of a Trust. We have volunteer days, and I have several people who are quietly 'paying' back lost energy, midwives, alcoholics, mental health illnesses... and people who are retired and don't like sitting at home twiddling their thumbs. Being active having something to do does helps

Papillon - thank you so much for your post. I see nothing in it offensive at all. I have to tell you, though, that I am already doing all the right things I walk, I volunteer, my children are home educated so I make a very big effort to make space for myself in my week, I sew so that I'm doing something creative, I am lucky enough to be able to surround myself with wonderful friends.

I will look at the red cedar stuff.

CockneyDad - thank you. I'm going to send your lovely wife a message on facebook. I think I will try to go along to some meditation classes, although I will need to gather a bit of courage first!

oh am pleased that you weren't offended, enlighted woman lol

Do you garden?
Can I ask what you volunteer doing?
What are your other interests, I have read yoga, meditation and Buddhism in your posts Do you read and follow much about astrology?

I wrote, what inspires you, brings you passion. The passion that reflects Love. For Love is a very big passion and I mean Love for many aspects in Life.

I feel when I read your posts that the depression is like a dark cloud that descends on you. Is it psychological or is it in your DNA? To me feelings come from both the psyche and the imprints in your genetic DNA.

Good and bad energy are triggers and muscles, we need to work on weaknening the bad force of energy and strenghten the good energy, the feelings of Love and Passion

I hope I am helping

"Love is the Law of God/Spirit"

You live that you may learn to love.
You love that you may learn to live.
No other lesson is required of Wo/Man."

The Book of Mirdad by Mikhail Naimy

I've been watching this thread with interest. I like the idea of creating a spiritual space for yourself and exploring your spirituality in a non religious way. I am an on off church attendee but don't always feel fully connected. I have done some yoga in the past an understand the "inner peace" and it's benefits but it's been a long time since I thought about things in this way. I was thinking about it again while at a Pilates class today and you have inspired me to think again about meditation (new to me) and yoga and also to think about reading some of the things mentioned in this thread. Hows it going? Have you found a buddist meditation group or been to a Quaker meeting?

I haven't done either, yet, Deirdre. I've not had a spare Sunday to get to a Quaker meeting yet, and I'm working my way through a meditation course from a very, very americanised book that, I think, is probably a very good starting point. It's called 8 minute meditation, if you're interested, and involves meditating for just 8 minutes every day.

You learn a new way to meditate once a week and it's an eight week course. He reckons that once you've done his course, you will have built up enough of a habit, and enough understanding of meditation to get a lot out of other meditation courses - to be able to find the sort of meditation that suits you. I'm nearly at the end of week 2 at the moment and it's nice.

I can't find much more than 8 quiet minutes a day, anyway, without leaving the house. Yoga is the only real long-term down-time I get, and, as I said, I have to leave the house to get that!

Hi Mrs Wobble, hope things are going well on the meditation front - sounds like you've made a good start !!! I would love to be able to do yoga, I have tried, but I have an old spinal injury that causes a lot of problems.

cockneydad - the teacher who takes my classes would make the postures suit you - if that means that for some you just do 'pose of a mountain' (or whatever the real name is!) then that's fine!

The sort of yoga she teaches is this sort - maybe see if you can find a teacher near you?

Thanks for that Mrs W, never heard of that one - I used to do a bit of iyengar yoga - well, tried and failed largely. I would like to do some more energy-work type stuff - was a tai chi person for a long time and I like chi kung too. Problem is that my knee is also a bit iffy and tai chi involves a lot of standing on one leg. I also get fed up with learning all the forms.

I will look into that yoga school though, could be interesting !!

Mrs W - just searched t'internet - there is a teacher not a million miles away - but the night classes with my meditation group... doh! I might give the teacher a ring though in any case.

I read this quote today and thought of you , its kinda, I think, about finding the quiet moment, the peaceful moment, rather than the highs and lows of life... finding the peaceful moment and then living in it. Then letting go...

"Feelings come and go like clouds in a windy sky. Conscious breathing is my anchor." ~ Thich Nhat Hanh

wise words from the Thich ! he really knows his stuff!

Thank you Papillon.

I am currently reading 'The Compassionate Mind' by Paul Gilbert. It's all about the scientific background to compassion and the second part (which I haven't got to yet) is some ways to train your mind to be more compassionate (and self-compassionate).

The next book on my list is either The Power of Now or a book I bought about an introduction to Buddhism.

I'm finding that I'm struggling to be motivated to meditate at the moment - I'm not sure what the answer is! Any ideas? I just keep thinking of all the things I need to get done when I've finished! I'm aware of my thoughts, let them go and bring my awareness back to my breath, but sometimes I just get impatient doing that over and over again and just feel like stopping and getting on with the things I'm thinking about!

Any tips?

Hi MrsW - The Power of Now is very good - might need to read it a couple of times though! Your experience is very typical - I sat to meditate last night, couldn't get comfy, back was painful, felt restless. I didn't get much meditating done.

Doesn't matter, you will have sessions like that. There are many 'obstacles' that are faced in meditation, one is sleepiness (I suffer from this), another is restlessness, another doubt and there are a couple of others (which are called 'the 5 hindrances'in buddhism). You just have to keep going and try not to get worried/stressed when it doesn't go well. Even very experienced meditators have similar problems now and again. There are many other techniques in addition to following the breath if you need a break from it, but breath watching is one of the best.

Hang in there !!!!

Thanks

I'm working through my 8 minute meditation book and I'm just trying to have faith that by the end of it, I'll be in such a habit that I'll be able to keep going...or join a class...or get another book about meditation!

How did you get into it?

Feel free to FB me if you'd rather this converstaion weren't so public!