Christian encouragement needed plz- sorry long.

[pinkdolly]

Ok, so on the grand scale of things-mine is not a huge problem - but it is getting me down and therefore I believe it merits attention.

I am a busy mum, I have 4 young children. The oldest will be 8 in June the youngest 1 in a few weeks.

I run a community toddler group at my church on a wednesday and have recently started a mentoring group for 10-14 year olds on alternate saturdays. These are both things I feel that God had led me to pursue and I am very pleased with them.

I home-school my children and I take care of the house (at least I try to). All in all my days are very busy, very active.

So here's my problem...

My youngest (a little boy) is the hardest child of my 4. He had very bad colic up until about 5 months old. He cried all the time and I ended up having to carry him around in a sling everywhere. The colic ended yet due to his being carried he has become a very very clingy baby. He is all about me. He is getting happier but he is still a very tearful and whingy baby. He doesn't settle well at night. He sleeps with me. (it was all I could do when he was little as I needed sleep so I could continue to give all I could to my girls).

I admit I have been at a low point with my Christian walk since he was born. I have been so tired, emotionally and physically and was drained and distressed from being unable to fine time to spend with God.

I had been crying out to the Lord for refreshment and a revival in my life.

So recently I stumbled upon Proverbs 31:10-31 A wife of Noble Character. And I realised that I could be doing so much more around the house and with my husband. Dh has been a rock with Gabriel being so hard, he had been really chipping in with the housework.

So lately I have taken to getting up early in the morning, preparing him breakfast in bed- being more house-tidy. So that he doesn't have to do hardly anything now. And things have been improving- I have been finding the time-energy and commitment to study. Gabriel has been doing ok with this.

But the last 2 nights in a row I have found very hard. Gabriel has been impossible to settle until late which pushes my bible study time back to a time when I am shattered. I did do my study last night but how much I took away from it through my bleary tired eyes I just dont know.

I ended up crying (literally) out to God, how much more do I have to do before I earn some quiet time with God?

I spoke briefly with dh about it this morning but he had to rush out so didn't get much of an answer (though I know he cares about me) he said that God knows the desires of my heart. I do know this of course.

But how can I grow as a christian if I am not spending the time with God. And I have a strong desire to be more like Christ (as we all should be) but doesn't that come from reading the bible and meditating on his word. Something which im finding so hard at this time.

Im sorry this is so long winded. And I know this is probably justa season of my life. But has anyone been here with young kids who can give me some insightful words to strengthen my walk.

I so want a meaningful relationship with God not one based on hurried prayers and sleepy studies.

Thankyou so much in advance for your imput.

Whilst I appreciate that point of view justabout. I feel that I have spent the last year pushing God aside. Collapsing in a heap at the end of the day after putting the children to bed. Andnot being able to find the motivation or energy to connect with God.

I am led to believe that God should be number one in your life, and if you make Him number one then He will give you the energies to cope with anything else the world tries to throw at you. I have been guilty of letting everything get in the way between me and God, rather then surrender myself to Him and let Him take control of my problems.

I am trying to redress that now. I feel that if I honour Him first with my time, then somewhere in my hectic life, He will give me my time back.

But the book you mentioned sounds an interesting read, I will look it up. Thank you.

It sounds as though you're having a tough time of it at the moment, pinkdolly, but you sounds like a wonderful caring wife and mother who is just struggling a bit with integrating everything. To me right now God seems to be calling you to serve through works and make time for him IN your life as it is. Mini-prayers during the day, carrying a verse or thought throughout the day and meditating on it as you go and knowing that God is with you is serving Him better than compartmentalising Him and only thinking about the Bible or God at bedtime when you do bible study. of course God calls us to a balanced life, one where we look after ourselves and others physically, emotionally and spiritually but there is no good taking part of the spiritual part of yourself if you neglect the physical (sleep) and emotional (the drain of having a clingy child). Spending time alone with God is one way to grow as a Christian but I promise you He is always with you and will carry you when it seems like too much. If life seems like a marathon then maybe this quote from Hebrews (my italics) will help - Let us run with perseverance the race that is set before us. At the moment you've been called to do many, many things - that is your race to run - and in persevering you are doing God's work.

To my mind quiet time with God is not something you earn, and I don't think it's something you will truly benefit from until you can have God with you always. William Paulsell says "....there is nothing that will enrich our lives more than a deeper and clearer perception of God's presence in the routine of daily living." The same book also has questions to ask yourself including: How and when will I pray? and How can I fille my daily tasks with a sense of the presence of God? Every mintue counts, not just the once you feel you earn for quiet time. We do find Christ in the bible, but also in ourselves and in others. You can't grow in Christ just by reading and quoting the bible otherwise theological scholars would be super-christians! Living with Christ is essential, more important than spending time poring over the Bible and the words written there. A few well chosen verses meditated on thoroughly will have more effect than reading a chapter of Scripture a night.

I highly recommend John Ortberg's 'The life you've always wanted', particularly the chapter on an undivided life (which I'd be happy to scan and send if you like).

take care of the spiritual part of yourself even. Must hit preveiew!

There are so many different ways of putting God first, though. God is in each of us (including you) so by putting people first (including, sometimes, ourselves) you are also putting God first. You cannot love God fully until you love those around you fully, nor can you grow your relationship with God without growing your relationship with other people (and with yourself).

Jesus told us the most important commandments were to love God with all our hearts, souls and minds and to love our neighbours as ourselves. I truly believe that these two comandments are so firmly hand-in-hand as to be almost indistinguishable ('what you do for the least of people, you do for me').

God is in all things, and of all things. He is in every last minute detail of our lives. By giving care to every last minute detail in your life you are giving care to God and making him 'number one'.

Here's something I read yesterday (from a 'study guide' on Julian of Norwich):

"For we consider some actions good and others wrong, but God does not look upon them so: for God has made all things so that all that is done is in some way God's doing. For it is easy to see that the best actions are well done, but the smallest actions also share this character, because all things have been accomplished according to the nature and plan ordered by God from the beginning..... 'Behold, I never fail to guide all things towards the purpose for which I created them... with all the strength, wisdom and love with which I created all'."

My point is - faith is in trusting in God's strength and presence even when you feel no connection. The lack of connection is not your fault - it just is. Faith is in waiting, patiently, for it to come again. You can't force it. It sounds to me that you are being much to hard on yourself. Be kind to yourself as God is kind. Love yourself as God loves you. Love your family as God loves them - this is where He is, and where you are most likely to find him; not by forcing yourself to spend X hours / minutes each day reading the Bible and demanding a response.

Be gentle with yourself. x

p.s. just read my own post back to myself. Icould really do with following my own advice which is another way of saying - you're not alone in feeling like this! I honestly can't remember the last time I fel truly connected to God - but in a strange way my faith has grown as a result. It's easy to have faith when you feel that connection - much harder when you don't. He is there and is with you (and me!) whether or not we truly sense it

Sorry you're feeling down pinkdolly.

The most striking, and strong, and wonderful part of the Bible is

God is love

He wants you to spread His message, and that is the message of Love. By spending time with your Dear Family, you are doing exactly what He wants you to do- Showing them how strong and safe they are in Love (and so with God.)

Personally, I think you're closer to God when you are nurturing your DCs than you are reading the Bible. The time will come when you'll have the time to study to your heart's content, but give yourself a break, and enjoy the children that God has blessed you with!

hugs

Thanku for all ur lovely posts, they have truely uplifted me.

I admit that perhaps at times I am too hard on myself. I think that my biggest problem is that I crave a live of service to God. I am reading a book about how to be a servant of God at the moment and am finding it very helpful. The book is based around one core principle:

"Ministry takes place when divine resources meet human needs through loving channels for the glory of God."

The book sets about dissecting that principle to teach you how to be a more affective servant for God.

My dh (who has been fantastic at helping me around the house and with the children) is the church youth pastor and I long to be able to join him in this. I support him wholeheartedly and my young girls group is a way of me helping him. I would love to be able to do more with him, but most of his youth work entails evenings and that is Gabriels worst time, where he just will not be left. I pray for a time when he will be easier so that I can be more hands-on.

Dont get me wrong- I know my first ministry is to my family, my children, my husband. I thank God everyday for the blessings He has poured out on me with them.

And I also know that one study/pray time daily cannot make-up for a life centred around Jesus Christ, weaving Him into every area of our day to day activity. And I am trying really hard to do that.

Frakkin- That book sounds familier I will check first to see if it is one that my dh has, but otherwise yes that would be fantastic. I will let you know.

Thankyou again for all your messages I will endeavour to re-read them again later on when the house is not so full of noise (in a good way) so I can really reflect on them properly.

Everyone with small children feels the same, whether they feel they are being kept from God/ any other kind of life. Just remember, it will pass, it will pass. Grit your teeth for another year or so and then it will get easier!

justabout- U might be right. I suppose time will tell, I do hope so.

Hi Pinkdolly,

I may be wrong, but your post did make me wonder if you are asking just a little but too much of yourself.

This bit of your post: "So lately I have taken to getting up early in the morning, preparing him breakfast in bed- being more house-tidy." - reminded me of Martha being distracted by all the housework and preparations so not having time to sit and listen. Maybe the house doesn?t need quite so much tidying? maybe you don?t need to be quite such a perfect wife?

It does get easier btw, children do become more independent and you will have more time again.

Oh pinkdolly, your post reminded me of me when my dc were really small. This time is so fraught, so hectic, so full on, you barely get time to think, let alone sit down with God. As justa says, you need to prioritise time for yourself as well.
One of the most helpful concepts I found round all this was that from the Brother Lawrence book 'The practise of the presence of God' (get it, it's fab) - in that life is about 'practising His presence', not finding his presence only in times of quiet and meditation and study etc but being aware of it flooding through everything, right down to the mundane. Seeing it in your baby's face, in his laughter, in his tears. Knowing that God is beside you, at all times, whether you feel it or not, and the whole day can be like an on-going conversation with him. It's not a letting off the hook thing, for me it was more of a relief, a surrendering to what my life was at that point, and finding some peace in that. You say
'
I admit that perhaps at times I am too hard on myself. I think that my biggest problem is that I crave a live of service to God. I am reading a book about how to be a servant of God at the moment and am finding it very helpful.'

I think you are already living that life of service, in what you do. Having young dc - and older in fact - is a ministry in itself, a calling if you like, and what you do with them and in your house is thta life of service, at the moment. there is no reason why this shouldn't branch out into other stuff, but sometimes it's great just to say ok, this is where I am, here, now. And sit down with a cuppa and a magazine.

I'd recommend the book 'Barefoot in the Kitchen' by Ali stibbe - it picks up the premises in the Brother Lawrence books and applies them to mothers with small children.

All the best - mostly, don't be hard on yourself. you're doing a great job, and God doesn't expect you to be on your knees for hours before dawn every morning, where you are, now.