Shopping for a philosophy. Please pitch your ideas here.

[wickerman]

Hello. I've realised recently that my normal methods of coping with my life are not always beneficial to me or the other people in it. I'm having what might be euphemistically called a "challenging" time at the moment and the fags/booze/casual sex/running naked in the garden combo is not really working for me as a therapy. Although at leastit is cheering up the neighbours. I'm allergic to large monotheistic religions, as I was brought up in a hardcore Christian environment (no offence to any lovely Christians out there, it's just deeply not for me.) . I am super rational/cynical - which means many new agey or pseudo buddhist things don't work for me - but with a hippyish gaiaish pagan twist - but I need some kind of solace, some kind of practice, some kind of core belief to get me through the day at the moment. Please help, o wise anad lovelly mumsnetters.

oh please help o wise and lovely mumsnetters

Nietzsche

"Fuck It: The Ultimate Spiritual Way", by John Parkin - read and loved it

"Doing Nothing: Coming to the End of the Spiritual Search", by Steven Harrison - not read by highly recommended to me

"What God Wants" by Neale Donald Walsch - don't be taken in by the new agey-ness of NDW. This book is simple and a breath of fresh air - and try not to balk at the title. All will be revealed. Changed my life, it did. Not saying it will for you, but we have similar feelings about religion and all things New Agey.

same to you anna.
But seriously Neeeeeetsheee?
I read him at university. Never thought of him as a guide to life. Assume you are being droll.

Thanks, w. Will check those out.

Please keep them coming.

Practises especially

Or core beliefs that get you through the day

Not if they are like greetings cards ones though.

THank you in advance.

I dance. Dance as a way of shaking things up, moving out of stuckness, feeling alive. Dance as emotional release. Dance as spiritual practice. Moving meditation. I know it sounds mad, it sounds too weird, you'd be too self-conscious, etc. But just try it. 5 Rhythms. Check out www.gabrielleroth.com and go to the Schedules menu and choose International to find a class near you.

DH and I are also allergic to monotheism and are super-rational. I don't seem to need anything (other than getting out into the countryside) but DH finds Buddhist meditation useful. He doesn't for a moment believe in reincarnation etc, but you don't have to, theres no 'faith' involved at all.

We sometimes go to humanist meetings, but they are just discussion type things, no 'practice' at all. We think theres a bit of a gap in the 'market'. I guess I'd quite like a group with discussion, meditation and some nice music, socialisation but nothing supernatural. I get the impression that in the US there are various 'Unitarian churches' some which are actually pretty much non-theistic, I'm not sure if there are any such here but maybe that's the sort of thing you're after.

Hi. I do dance, when I can, in my living room, or out and about, or with the kids. But for me dancing is ecstatic and hence tends to associate with sex/booze/drugs rather than serenity. KnowwhatImean?
I am in a situation where I am stuck in the house on my own a lot. Chronically sick kid and selfish exdh. So I can't go out very easily.
So I need something to stop me turning to the booze fags sex whenever I feel trapped/stymied.

I envy you Grimma that you don't need anything. How come? Are you just a very contented person?

Have you tried transpersonal psychotherapy - a spiritual form of therapy? If you're numbing out, then one of the ways to stop doing that is to face the things you're trying to avoid.

www.transpersonalcentre.co.uk/find_a_therapist.htm

Then you'll be able to have a night without booze, fags, drugs, and it won't be because you're trying not to have them - you simply won't feel like you need or want them.

What you say about not being into new agey stuff reminded me of this Australian nun in the Tibetan tradition

Western Insight/ vipassana meditation and anything written by Jon Kabat Zinn works for me.

I've not had time to watch it yet mmango but he name of the nun is familiar - I think that's the sort of Buddhist DH finds interesting.

my friend is into native american philosophy, spirituality etc. it seems to be about loving nature and the earth and living a kind and givign life.

personally, my philosophy is 'do unto others as you would have done to yourself' sort of thing

pay it forward and so on

DH believes in a sort of natural law of doing the right thing , what goes around comes around sort of thing

bt airy fairy but there you go!

Ok sticking with a Buddhist theme - some people on the meditation thread highly recommend this book by Pema Chodron - "When Things fall apart - heart advice for difficult times.

I didn't know anything about her but then watched her on YouTube last week and she's really interesting. Its worth having a look at her on You Tube (especially the interview on why she became a Buddhist).

If you like that then look at her website and other interviews - today I watched this...
www.pemachodronfoundation.org/bill-moyers-with-pema-chdrn/

I'd also recommend any book by Sarah Napthali - a v down to earth Australian mother of two who happens to be a Buddhist.....

If you just want some silence with like minded people then the Quakers are always worth a visit. (www.quakers.org) You can be Christian, Jewish, Buddhist, or aetheist. THeir meetings are generally silent which can be v invigorating.

And - if all this of no interest then just invite your neighbours over and you can all run naked round the garden reading Nietsche and having wild sex.

Hope things start to improve for you v v v soon...

Music. In difficult times I listen to music. Alone. I sometimes sing and/or dance too.

Ds's teacher spurted out that "all faiths other then christians are the occult, designed to brainwash you"

She doesn't know I'm a wiccan then!! I'm reading some of the Dali lama's stuff at the moment (it's good stuff). Have you looked into philosophy? Plato? Aristotle?

pot calling the kettle black?

That's what I thought, I couldn't help but laugh. Ohh, the irony!

Read 'The Power of Now' by Eckhart Tolle.

Do something to help others. If you are stuck at home perhaps you could man a phone line for a charity? The Samaritans maybe?

I hope you find yourself in a much better place v soon.

Jon Kabat Zinn

Google seem to have had a bit of a thing about mindfulness. That link is about 20 mins talking, 20 mins guided meditation and 20 mins Q&A.

Will go and look at Pema Chodron website now.

Wickerman,

It might be worth considering more things to practise/do rather than just philosophy - buddhist meditation maybe ? Depending on where you live there might be a number of teachers / groups, it's probably a matter of trying a few things out - suck it and see (as it were). I've tried a number of places/ groups, some awful/odd, some very good.

Meditation is good if you can get into it (takes a while mind). Yoga is interesting (I'm rubbish at it, thanks to serious spinal problem), tai chi (real tai chi not just arm waving) can be good if you have a good teacher (ie one that knows it as a martial art not some) - a friend recovered from a nervous breakdown doing tai chi. Chi Kung (qigong) is also good for calming thing down and feelin good - simple exercises, related to tai chi (which is supposed to be based on Taoist philosophy).

If its religion you're after, could try checking out the synopses on the beeb website - they have a guide to most things.

hope that helps.

Thanks! These are all great. Sarah Napthali I love, I have her Buddhism for mothers book which is GREAT. I will check out Pema and maybe some buddhist meditation. I'm interested in what keeps others going through the bad times - what core beliefs people have - so if anyone feels like sharing that would be AMAZING. I'm sure I can't be the only one who struggles sometimes.

Hope some of these things help Wickerman, I have had some very bad times - I found buddhist stuff very helpful. One of the key aspects of that is that 'nothing is forever' - i.e. things will change.

You seem really keen to find a philosophy that matches your personality, past experiences and current outlook on life.

However, shopping for a philosophy is not the same as shopping for food. It's not so much about finding the one that looks and tastes best, it's about finding the one that is true (if any).

Explore the suggestions given by other posters, but don't write off the major world religions without looking into them. There's a reason they've all lasted hundreds of years.

We have Unitarian churches here, where you don't have to believe in God to go as far as I know.

Otherwise: breathe, don't be an asshole, get out into nature, and try to make sure everyone eats. That's a conglomeration of the best advice I've got.

I'm a Christian of a sort, but realize it's not everyone's "path", not to get all new-agey on you. I guess the philosophy that works for me is that I believe in a wise prescence somewhere, who wants us to be kind and do right to each other. Sometimes-most days- I believe we go to be with this prescence when we die, sometimes I don't.

Best of luck to ya!

Yes it is important to find something that works for you.

A think I use a number of ways. All of them are about focusing.

If your mind is becoming very crowded it can help to do something quite simple. Cook, or garden, and let yourself be fully focused on the thing it is you are doing right now.

Sometimes it is important to see or hear. This time of the year I love when bird song becomes an intense thing. I like watching the small changes in the garden as things prepare to grow.

There are times when you need somthing more than this. At times of real stress I have found that giving myself 20 minutes a day for deep relaxation is something that I do really need.

It took time to learn this. I had tried it at yoga classes and never really got there,
did have a few hypnotherapy sessions, and at that point I understood what deep relaxation feels like. - can always get back there now.

If you do get it to work for you, this is a time when your breathing can become very slow and very quiet. You have a sense that the things that are worrying you will simply flow away, and there is a wonderful warmth that travels right through you. I find that the palms of my hands become hot.

In all of this accepting that we are temporary - here for a moment only - is an important part