Un-asking a god parent

[thefinerthingsinlife]

My husband and i asked my cousin to be ds god-parent whilst i was pregnant, at the time she was in a long term relationship with a lovely guy, very mature for her age and very trustworth. Since then he found out she was cheating on him and they split. She now completely changed gets drunk and flaunts herself, also is now friends with undesirables. So understandabley we really dont want her to play such an important role in ds life. Previously she has asked to take dd who's 3 1/2 yrs old out for the day and we said no, which caused a huge row with my aunt and nana.
Do i tell her that we do want her to be god parent and cause an even bigger family rift or do we just put up with having her?
HELP

lol at "flaunts herself"

I think you should keep her as a godparent

Perhaps she will rise to the responsibility

perhaps not, but it's not worth "firing" her over this, she will be extremely hurt

why can't she look after your DD?

Why did you want her to be a god parent in the first place ? Things change in a persons life all the time , just because she is going through a "flaunting" stage (which sounds quite good fun actually) doesn't mean she will always be like this .

You must have thought she was a good person in the first place . Has this really changed ? And why couldn't she take your dd out for the day ?

ok, this will answer your question. When you asked her, was she a regular church attendee and willing and able to contribute to the religious guidance of your child? And is that why you asked her? If so, then unask her and she will understand. If not, keep her, and add a cple of others in (if you are that trad you'll know you shd have a certain number and gender anyway). See? [smile}

seriously not lol there are pics of her all over facebook with her boobs and bottom hanging out shes like a different person, i have tried speaking to her bout it but she says she's just 'having fun'.
Mutt,we want the god parents to be a good role model, be there for them, and teach them good morals. Morningpaper, the last time she looked after my dd she had all her friends round and they taught her the word bas**rd, it then took us forever to teach dd it wasnt a nice thing to say

Oh I would just let her be

She will be proud

she won't always be immature and drunk

Godparents often bugger off anyway and are never seen again

How often do you have to interact with her? I think you should speak to her about your concerns and tell her you are worried about her new lifestyle and friends, for her sake. If she gets lippy with you or otherwise attacks your opinion I'd tell her she is out of that 'job'. End of.

No amount of wailing by the family would make me have someone close by my kids who I'd deem unsuitable. If the role is so important for her, then she can change her attitude/behaviour.

thank you Roan you message has been v.helpful. We used to see each other alot, but have seen her twice since ds has been born (he's now 11 weeks old) we have arranged to meet up, but she bails last minute, i think alot of it is to do with her moving in with the new boyfriend. I have previously tried talking to her about it and her answer was shes having fun. I will try again and if she doesnt listern then for the sake of my ds i will explain that we can no longer have here as godparent.
Would it be unreasonable to say its the lifestyle or being a godparent?

I'm sure it is a 'phase' but you are being left in a difficult situation. I am a bit that she cheated and has now moved on so quickly but that's me being judgmental as I don't know the lady. It's just something I would critically look at if it were my little one up for baptism, you know.

You can be honest and say that her current lifestyle and morals are not what you'd expect from a godparent to your child as you had hoped she would be a good rolemodel and caring and instilling good manners but clearly she is otherwise occupied at the moment and you understand but she will also have to understand your decision.

You know, it is hard to be so honest, but really, what choice do you have, it's up to her how she makes a life for herself. And why should she have such a potentially influential role in your dd's life when quite clearly her own is a bit out of control at the moment.

Wishing you a brave heart. Chin up!

She is coming round Tuesday for a 'chat', i'm dreading it
Thank you for all your comments it' really helped
x x

Hello TFTIL, hope it went well and you got the outcome you desired.