I feel like God has abandoned me.

[sh77]

Hi

I just need a place to air my thoughts. I would be very grateful for any comments.

In the past four years, I have strengthened in faith (or so I thought). I prayed 5 times a day and just generally tried to be very aware of the consequences of my actions. I don't actually believe that undertaking lots of rituals necessarily makes you spiritual but it was very important for me to pray.

I gave birth to my daughter in April. Sadly, she passed away shortly after her birth. I accepted it as God's will very early on as I believe only He controls our birth and death. I prayed and prayed for a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby. It wasn't to be but I thanked God every since her death for sending her to me alive. I prayed and prayed for another child. 5 months after her death, I became pregnant again but it ended in a miscarriage. I prayed every day to be blessed with a healthy baby but I don't know why God has tested me again in such a painful way. Since finding out, I feel like I have lost my faith in God and feel utterly abandoned and lost. I feel terribly guilty for feeling this way. My faith certainly helped after my daughter's death but now I feel so weakened and can't take any more pain.

hope you dont mind me posting....

I think sometimes we dont realise when god is walking along side us, holding our hand and keeping us going.
My dad died when i was 8 and the church community were brilliant... then a few years down the line my mum had very serious lukimia.
My mum was almost certainly going to die. Prayers were held round the clock for her and miraculously she began to react to the treatment. Even though it was a very testing time god was there for us the whole time and looked after us. it didnt always feel like this at the time.... being 13 and the prospect of being an orphan was ripe in my mind and i felt very angry with god.... how could he do this to my family when we had already been through so much???
I have gone through several difficult periods in my life since... an abusive relationship and 2 unplanned pregnancies and I felt so alone and abandoned. I didnt know how i would cope with what was before me yet somehow I manged and looking back i know it was gods will.... he had it all planned out for where my life would go and I honestly feel that my children have been the making of me.
They make me want to work hard and achieve things in life.
sometimes when your at rock bottom its hard to see anything other than your grief.... but when all the pain has passed and you look back you will realise god was with you the whole time.

Why do bad things happen to good people? Because we live in a broken world.

Sh77, I know that you are not Christian, and I don't know enough about Islam to give you any pointers from there.

Within the Christian faith, however, even Jesus was isolated from God during his 40 days in the wilderness (Matthew 4). His faith was severely tested, but it did not abandon him. The response to one of Satan's temptations was, 'do not put the Lord your God to the test'. From this we can learn that we cannot make specific demands of God. Our prayers are not a shopping list.

When Christians make the decision to follow Jesus, they are not promised an easy life. They are just promised that they will not have to go through life alone, through the good times and bad. I wonder if you have the same concept within Islam?

Perhaps it would be helpful for you to think of all the ways that God has blessed you. A prayer diary can be really useful, where you write down your prayers, and every so often read back over them to see where God has answered them. Before you know it, there will be loads of tick marks through your diary.

God will have heard your prayer. If he does not answer it, perhaps it was the wrong prayer, or perhaps he will answer it in his own time. But you don't need to keep begging him. God has a plan for your life.

Please don't lose hope. Sometimes we go through difficulties in life and we wonder where God is. I can assure you that god is hearing you and will never abandon you. Put your trust in God and he will reward you.
I am speaking as someone who has faced numerous difficulties over the last 5 years,but god has answered my prayers and taken away all my pain. Don't give up.

Asalaamu Alaykum Sister,

how are you sister, i'm very sorry about your losses, i haven't gone through the same thing and i can't imagine how hard it is or how you are feeling.

i'm not the best person at giving advice but i just wanted to say that i hope you can somehow manage to pray soon as i think it will help you, and recite ayat al kursi after each prayer xxx

remember sister our own Prophet PBUH lost children too, especially Ibrahim when he was 2. and remember the story of prophet Ayub (Job) PBUH and how God tested him.

please come on netmums.com too sometime, there are a few other muslim mums and me on there in the faith and religion section.

take care sister, will make dua for you xxx

hold on in there, and hold on to your faith as hard as you can, you will be with your babies Insha'Allah in Jannah (paradise)
thinking of you and lots of love xxx

Hi

I am also a Muslim and I just wanted to tell you that any woman who has lost a child in this life will most definatley be reunited with that child in the next life and that child will intercede on behalf of its parents and take them by the hand to the Jannah (paradise), I don't know if you might find some comfort in this, but certainly I don't think you were being tested or abandoned, and Allah doesn't turn from us for the blink of an eye, so don't lose hope and don't feel bad about grieving, even the prophet cried when he lost his sons Ibrahim and Qasim.

Also remember that Allah says in the Quran 'After hardship there will come ease, Verily after hardship there will come ease.'

take care

Asalaamu Alaykum Umayma and puddinmama

Thank you for your kind words. The only thing I take I comfort from is that Inshallah I will see my Noor again. I still don't feel like doing my prayers. I receited so many things on a daily basis but I just don't see th point. Then I feel guilty for thinking like this and for the weakening of my faith. I feel like someone has kicked me verx hard again after such a tramatic time and I feel numb. Things will get batter with time I hope.

xx

Its understandable you feel numb, but I believe God is with you in your pain and is sustaining you, even though you aren't praying and even though you can't feel Him. He understands. One day, I pray, you will feel like praying again. Until then He is waiting.

{Hugs}

Wa alaykum Asalaam sister,

i understand that you do not feel like praying, i'm sure Allah understands that too, as another lady posted earlier 'God is closer to us than our jugular vein' He knows what you are going through.

Dont feel guilty about losing your faith, faith does go up and down at different times and you have gone through so much, so its normal. Also, dont see everything as a test sister, we dont know why some things happen.

another muslim i know, her child passed away and she became very depressed, but she came through it. she now has 2 healthy children MashaAllah.

i hope and pray Insha'Allah that in a few years time you will be the same, have healthy children in this life and you have your little ones waiting for you in the next life.

I'm going to make dua sister after every prayer that you get through this xxx

Hebrews 13, verses 5 and 6. God's sweet voice: I will never leave you nor forsake you.

That's the secret to life: to trust God alone

When we really get that promise, when you know that promise way down deep in your knower, it'll revolutionize your life. When everything else is stripped away, when all the things we are attached to are gone, we discover that in the end, only God holds life. It's only God who matters. And his promise is certain. When all else is gone, there still is God. God's sweet voice saying, I will never leave you nor forsake you.

God is teaching us the only place for your trust is in him. Everything else will fade or let you down. He teaches us that over and over again in the Bible, because for some reason, we humans have a hard time getting it. Our tendency is to put our trust in things instead of Him.
Sometimes in life it really can seem like God has abadoned us. But he hasnt. God has a plan. And he is still in control. xxx