urgent help needed pls...

[bettywobble]

Hi everyone, just wondered if anyone could help me?

Basically, I have not been "right" for a good few years now. I was a child that my parents could not wait to palm off onto my nana from the age of 3, my dad messed up my head in a big way, I had an eating disorder from the age of 16, I have been to see gp's and the cbt nurse for a few years, and all I was told was that I had depression and given anti-d's. I knew I couldn't have been properly depressed as it comes and goes, so I no longer take the meds (not for a year). I have just started st john's wort. BUT lol, I think I may have ocd or at least some sort of anxiety disorder. When I was at the cbt nurse we were just at the point of making a breakthrough when he left and I haven't seen anyone since. I never really thought about ocd, but when I looked into it it all seems to make sense. I have weird things I do like check locks and plugs about a hundred times, rituals I repeat etc etc., which I can cope with as it doesn't affect my life too mcuh. But the bit I can't cope with is the irrational thoughts in my head, such as my hubby has/will cheat on me, I will cheat on him, when he tells me something I don't believe him, if I don't do something right something bad will happen...I get obsessed with what he did before I even met him. The other night I caused almsot ww3 asking questions over and over about him giving a lift home to a girl one night about a year before I even knew him?!!! I just can't control the thoughts, they are driving me insane, and they are now at a stage where they are starting to make me depressed. My self esteem is at an all time low,sometimes I feel like I want to sleep and not wake up...

Anyhoooo...does anyone have any ideas for natural remedies/herbs/bach remedies/crystals/spells/meditations/anything at all? I really am desperate now,

Thanks in advance, Debbie xxx

I'm sorry you're feeling like this.
I have no expertise nor any experience to share but wanted to respond. What you describe does sound like what I think OCD is. I also know that cbt (though I found it helpful) is criticised as a short term fix, not able to cope with more deep seated problems, which it sounds like you may have.
I understand that you are looking for natural remedies, and I can't really help you there, but I wonder if you would get more useful responses if you post in mental health?
Also, I have you thought of talking to the Samaritans? you can phone, email or go face to face if you have a branch near you, they will not judge or advise but always listen supportively.
Best of luck.

I tried meditation because my head is always so full of thoughts that I can't sleep or concentrate properly but I found it incredibly difficult to 'clear my mind' enough to do it!
Then I went on a school trip to a Buddhist Centre with DS. The lady there told us to sit somewhere warm enough and comfortable. We crossed our legs ( I had cushions under my knees), closed our eyes and then she told us to "listen". I listened carefully... I could hear a motorbike outside, people chatting, children shuffling. Guess what... my head completely emptied of it's usual crap and I became so relaxed that I nearly dropped off!

I was also on anti depressants a couple of years ago. I felt I was always teetering on the edge, not really managing to cope fully. I eventually came off them and started to take Berocca ( vitamin and mineral supplement). I feel so much better now but also a little shocked that my depression (3 years ago I had 6 weeks off work and wept for most of it) may have been caused by something as simple as a definciency.

Sorry if my reply seems to be all about my experiences... I write them in the hope that they will help.

Good luck. X

Dear bettywobble,
how old are you my love? I had a similar childhood - my father left us when I was little and I adored him, and he has been rejecting me ever since which had a huge effect on my self esteem and my general approach to life - shyness, self-doubt, severe lack of confidence, poor choices in relationships, allowing myself to be treated badly (low self-worth), irrational fears - allsorts!!
I am now 40, and have a young family, a good man, and am leaving all that crap behind me now - I realised I was letting it run my life, and I was putting my life on hold, started to resent it, then made a real decision to leave it behind me and move on. I still have some issues, but am much more settled. I suppose life teaches you, as you get older, that it is so precious and you only have a short time on this earth so grab it by the testicles and make the most of it. Be selfish - learn to love who you are - get to know who you are and what you want rather than worrying about those around you, what they want, what they're doing etc. You need to look outwards and taking time for yourself - new hobbies/interests/education/job - and I feel if you spend more of your time doing stuff you enjoy, and that you will get something from, you will leave your potential OCD/worries & fears behind you, gradually. It would be positive for your marriage too - your DH married you because he loves you. End of story. I think you may be projecting your feelings of low self worth onto him and your relationship with him. You may very well need professional support also - counselling? I hate the way GPs dish up ADs like they are actually going to solve your issues - you need to talk through them, understand them and put them away.
My sister and mum have had ADs at times, and they have done no good whatsoever. I apologise, but I don't believe in taking drugs/herbal remedies/or the other methods you mentioned to cure your situation - they may assist, but I really feel you need to take the bull by the horns and understand why you feel this way and how you might work through it and come out the other side.
Your OP sounds very rational - you know what's affected you in your past and have a feeling for what your issues are already which is very positive. I've been there - well, in a similar place - and I think you sound strong enough to get through this.
Keep talking!
louise x

Dear BettyW,
Sorry to hear that you're feeling like this, I can identify with a lot of the things you've written about, in particular the irrational thoughts relating to DH. (Honestly it could have been me writing that part of your OP). I totally agree with you that these thoughts are completely debilitating and such a bloody waste of time!!

A lot of people on the meditation thread have recommended this book and have found it v useful.
www.amazon.co.uk/Mindful-Way-Through-Depression-Unhappiness/dp/1593851286
It's A £10 via Amazon and it might be money well spent. I've bought it but haven't got round to reading it as I'm feeling pretty cheery at the moment.

If you can get back with the CBT that would obviously help. I saw a counsellor and was expecting to see him for years but had a life changing breakthrough within 6 sessions. (Basically I ended a v unhealthy relationship which in turn improved my self esteem - but I still get wobbles.)

If you're interested in meditation I'll post up a list of book s on Buddhism which people on the meditation thread have recommended.

Finally when I occasionally suffer something like panic attacks I use Calm and Clear Australian Bush Essence from Neals Yard.

Just found this website which may have some good suggestions:www.survivingsevereme.com/anxiety.html

Woopsie I've rambled -
Have a good day