Alternatives to a church christening

[Meandacat]

My PILs are strongly catholic and I know when my baby arrives there will be pressure to have him/her christened. MIL is already bitterly disappointed that her other two grandchildren (not ours) have never been christened (not to say fearful for their souls!) and I feel sorry that she will go through the same again with us. That said, although I respect and even admire her faith, DH and I don't personally believe in organised religion and strongly feel it would be totally hypocritical to go through with it just to please her.

I was wondering, therefore, what alternatives there were. I know some people opt for a "naming ceremony" but I have no idea what this entails. Or whether it would in any way compensate for the lack of a traditional church affair. (She was, it has to be said, mollified with our civil wedding after initial scepticism as we very carefully chose our readings, had an excellent registrar, and she felt that it was still "meaningful".)

Any thoughts?

Don't do it just to please your MIL.

It's your baby and your choice.

I come from an Irish catholic family and dd is the only grandchild not to be christened. DP and I are very atheist. It would be totally pointless not to mention hypocritical to stand up and make vows to a deity we do not believe exists.

You shouldn't have to justify your decisions to anyone or feel the need to 'compensate'.

Naming days are the only alternative I know of. I don't see the need for them personally.

We had a naming ceremony after the Baptism, as lots of people couldn't make the Baptism.

It was lovely, and I would suggest you look into them. They have a web site if you google them. We had our friends gather around us, the grandparents and the chosen adults. The registrar asked us to talk about her name and why we chose it, we took time to write some promises that we read out to our friends. The registrar will read all those things if you prefer. The special people we chose, and the grand parents, also made promises and read those out. There was a poem read by the registrar, and we lit a 3rd candle from 2 to signify the growing family. Everyone cried and it was very special.

At the end we were given a booklet with the promises and service typed up, and we were asked to sign the promises, all together and witnessed by the registrar, as a 'contract' with dd1.

The pack they send out before has load of ideas about promises and readings.

The thing I enjoyed most was telling people her name and why she had it. It all sounds rather cheesy, but actually it was moving and seemd very real and serious and deep.

If you enjoyed your wedding and found in meaningful and important to you, then I think you would enjoy the naming ceremony too. Congratulations on your soon to be here baby. Exciting!!

Thanks, Treede. I had no idea it could be that involved. It sounds lovely so I think I'll consider it.

Check out the British Humanism naming ceremonies

Interfaith ministers will offer baby naming ceremonies or baby welcoming ceremonies, for "people of all faiths, or none".

They can help you find appropriate words which can be spiritual or completely secular.

here

Of course, a baptism is not a "naming" ceremony so, I have to say, I find the idea of having to have a ceremony of some kind unecessary. Why not just have a party?

You could always point out to her that even some clergy don't have their own children baptised as infants. At least one of our minister's children was baptised as an adult in preparation for when she joined the church by profession of faith. Of course, as he's not Roman Catholic, perhaps that won't be persuasive...

The only alternative I know of is a civil naming ceremony, unless you have an informal celebration in your child's honour.

I would research naming ceremonies in your area. They are very much a new thing and expensive for what they are. I work at a register office and none of the registrars feel like they are offering value for money with the ceremony because it's still such early days with them. Civil wedding ceremonies have obviously been around for many years so there is a wealth of appropriate material to be read at such ceremonies and registrars are confident with the patter and flow.

I suppose it also depends on the venue you choose and the approach you have to it. I'm on maternity leave and seem to have forgotten about venue licensing laws for naming ceremonies (for weddings it has to be an approved premise for marriage)...I think you can have them in any old place and consequently a couple have been done at average bars/pubs where kids run around maniacally and nobody listens to the registrar because they're too busy getting a drink or chatting through it because it doesn't have the same formality as a church service.

How about a thanksgiving ceremony? Some churches offer these as an alternative to baptism for parents who'd like to give thanks for the gift their child is to them but don't feel comfortable or able to make the promises contained in a baptism ceremony. If this sounds like you it could be a good alternative?

Sorry, but I don't think any other ceremonies will really please your PILs, assuming they want the baptism for religious reasons rather than social ones. They should be pleased you are trying to please them by looking for an alternative though! Maybe you could discuss it with MIL, to find out if a naming ceremony would be something she'd like - save you some bother if you doesn't like the idea.

Thanks to everyone who replied. I quite like the idea of a naming ceremony or just some sort of celebration to welcome the baby to the world/family. But, Iggipepperedfillet, I think you could well be right in that nothing will ever replace the religious aspect of a christening for my MIL. She genuinely thinks that her existing grandkids are going straight to hell. Whatever we do will merely let her have her day of showing off her newest grandchild (which I know she would also like), but will not replace the rest.

As an additional note, my own mum (also a catholic but non-practising) did suggest that she could baptise them herself, quietly - if she had some holy water, by just tracing a cross on their foreheads. Apparently a nun told her that years ago. I have to say I felt strange about this and didn't pass this nugget of information on. If I have made a conscious decision not to have my own child baptised, I don't think I'd want anybody else doing it on the sly. I know it's only symbolic. Weird how deep these things run...

I conduct Humanist Naming ceremonies all the time and each ceremony is unique to that family and their child.

People have celebrated the birth of a new member of their family for eons, using all sorts of rituals and ceremonies. It is part of acknowledging the contiuation of the two (or sometimes one) family and can help to build stronger bonds of family, community and friends.

They are usually very joyful occasions, remebering our ancestors and welcoming a new life.

Have a look at the British Humanist Association website to find your nearest Celebrant. Most of all have fun

We had naming ceremonies for both of ours. We bought a book by the British Humanist Association which had suggestions and advice for conducting a naming ceremony.

We had it at the in-laws as they had a big garden! There was no one 'official' there, a friend of ours officiated and we wrote the ceremonies ourselves (for DD we looked back at DS's ceremony and just made some adaptations). We appointed mentors for them instead of the traditional godparents.