Any other Roman Catholics attend church of england services. I think this is going to be long!

[Morosky]

I have always been a Roman Catholic and it means an awful lot to me, but as with many Catholics it is a strained relationship.

I conider myself a feminist so have issues with a patriarchal church, I am also divorced and living with my new partner so have not been able to take communion for a long time. I teach RS and Philosophy and often feel myself thinking I don't agree with this when I am teaching about my faith.

But despite all of that I am a Catholic and have always been a very active one, if someone who wants change. But many of my views are liberal anglican views and I read a lot of the present archishop of canterbury's writings and agree with them.

I recently moved away and started attending a new catholic church and have never been happy there. There is not a local Catholic primary school and I miss that community.

We have moved again further out into the sticks and a ten minute drive from the local Catholic church. I have been invited to go the local C of E church, I popped in today and i felt so at home. I did not feel judged and loved the family atmosphere there. Where we live now is quite remote and we have no friends, by joining the local Cof E church we would be part of a community. So we decided today to start going to the local CofE services, but I feel as if a part of me has died, I cried on the way home. Dp is not religious particularly - but is a baptised Cof E so did not get why I was upset.

Dp is pleased about this development as we are hoping to get married and he would like a church wedding, I could not have that without a painful annulment in the Catholic church but could within the CofE.

I feel so guilty, you should not change your religion to make friends. But part of me says I have been unhappy in my faith for a long time and moving has just made me think about things rather than just doing as I have always done.

Finally dd should be making her first holy communion this year, if we stop going to the Catholic church she wont be able to do this. This is such an important day in a young girl's life, I feel as if I am depriving her and cutting her off from her heritage. So should I alternate between the 2 churches?

Oh and this really is finally, I come from a very strict Irish Catholic family and they will be very dissapointed. It will be a scandal, my grandfather would turn in his grave.

I was thinking of emailing the curate at the CofE church and asking for his advice, but dp says that is a little odd. Do you think it is.

Thanks

Not even a barrier method?

You are a much, much better Catholic than I...

No. Being a good catholic I have only slept with people that I would be happy to have children with. I am not quite a good enough Catholic to keep it within marriage though. For a while I used a persona machine but felt guilty using that so stopped.

I think I am quite infertile though as I only have one child.

There was supposed to be a grin in there, I was not saying you are not a good catholic.

I am feeling guilty again now!

Blimey! Your experience is so, so different to mine. I am "illegitimate" (no father on the scene when I was born, my mum also a bad catholic...)and have never experienced any problems in all my upbringing in a Catholic church and in Catholic schools. Perhaps that's why I don't get the Catholic guilt thing. It had never been suggested to me that I should feel it. In fact, my Catholic Society at college kept me in the church when I wavered after leaving school. The chaplain was fantastically accepting and understanding. He made me feel I had a real place in a broad church, despite outward appearances. I wish I could talk to him now

Well, I've only had sex with someone I'd be happy to have a child with too. But there's been times when I really haven't wanted a child with anyone...

Oh no. It's pretty well established that I am a very bad Catholic

I have just always believed that if God thinks the time is right I will fall pregnant. That has been the case as well.

My father also disapeared, he was a closet homosexual, the Brothers tried to beat it out of him and not surprisingly he went mad and turned into an abusive husband in later life.

My mum is an atheist but agreed to raise us as Catholics so we went to a convent school. I can remember a nun asking me when I was 6 why my Mum did not come to church with me. I said because my Mum is a prostitute ( meaning protestant) the nun said I think you mean protestant: but them muttered not that there is much difference.

I always had a great sense of shame growing up without a father, I did not know any other children in my situation. I used to dread having to explain it to people and was made fun of because my mum had a different surname from me.

Well, my mum married when I was 4, and my (now) dad adopted me, so I have had a dad for almost as long as I can remember. But none of this has been an issue in the church. I was baptised. My parents married in church. I had a brief flirtation with angst about it when I was a teenager, but I was a teenager and frankly if I hadn't had that to fret about I'd have fretted about something else. It's like we're from different religions...

Yes it is TFM which is ridiculous.

Am too tired now to post properly, but just wanted to 'bookmark' this for me!

I am another divorced/remarried "RC". I put the quotes round because I've been told "once a Catholic always a Catholic" , but 3 years ago I was received into the Anglican church (long story). I'm also just about to complete my training to be a Reader or Licensed Lay Minister in the C of E. This is part of the reason I was formally received into the church, as for some reason they like you to be Anglican if you're going to be a minister . I am really happy with the 'spiritual home' I've found.

And it seems there are quite a lot of former Catholics in our congregation, just from talking to people.

My daughter made her first communion in the C of E, and we made a big deal of it. Our church is one of VERY many nowadays that allow children to receive instruction at age 7 or thereabouts, and become communicants (in the C of E it has the horrible name of "communion before confirmation)

I don't think you've got anything to lose by emailing the curate, I'm sure he'd love to help. I know my vicar was .

Thanks MaryBS. A fellow Catholic mumsnetter had asked if I would like to go to church with her so I may have a while of feet in both camps and see how it goes.

Yes, give it a go! You might find it uncomfortable though, particularly on the Catholic side - for example attending a Eucharist in the Anglican church - do you receive communion or not, and also the question of fulfilling your Sunday obligation.

I wish you all the best , let us know how you get on!

Morosky, I don't have any answers for you but I just wanted to reply to say I think I understand exactly how you feel.

Btw my aunt is very much a catholic and attends mass alternately with c of e services with her husband. She is apparently completely at peace with this, but then she doesn't have many of the other issues that can cause problems. Perhaps it helps that she is married to her partner and that he is a sincerely observing Christian as well and these things perhaps help to lighten the load of guilt.

I too am at a loss at the moment to clarify how much of how bad I feel is coming from my own heart, and how much from the programming; and all this plays into depression for me too. I am finding it all very painful because I have a daughter and I can't sincerely have her baptised, or offer her a religion that part of me finds utterly pernicious; nor is it sitting well with me to live outside religion, and not to share this heritage with her.

I really don't know what to do. I know that many RCs just get on with it, maybe with the encouragement of kind priests. But I can't get over what has been written down, what the law is, even if some priests are not interesting in alienating people because of it.

I can't explain any of this very clearly and certainly not to anyone in real life - sorry this is so muddled.

Just wanted to say: I hear you.

Thankyou vezzie. My dd was not baptised until she was 2 because I was mortified to be a single divorced mum up at the font - and that was before I had a new partner.

As daftpunk said I do not want to casually throw away my faith and heritage so if there is a way I can make this work I will find it.

Morosky, I wish you the very best of luck. I admire you for your determination to find a way to live your faith within the Catholic church. The church would be better if more people had the strength and the courage to do this with sincerity.

I have realised that I am never going to be able to do this. I feel sad, but the relief is intense. I feel free to find another way to live in which I can be honest; I feel free to do my best, instead of worrying that my best is heading in an unacceptable direction.

Instead of Catholic and Protestant, can you not just view both churches as Christian?

I find denominationalism very unhelpful and the work of satan, tbh.

Think of the all the reasons why you remain fixed to the RCC and decide whether the reasons are positive or negative.

DH and I both come from different traditions (RCC and Presbyterian) and we have settled on the Church of England. We love our church for the community. We are also blessed with good bible-based teaching, but that is not as important as the church family and mission within our community.

It wouldn't bother us if the church called itself methodist, baptist, catholic, united etc. We just love being at a church that ministers to everyone in our community.

vinblanc - OP has said she believes in transubstantiation. If you do, and if you are Catholic, this is not just a quibble.

To "just view both churches as Christian" - oh if only it were that easy! I have wasted years of my life trying to "just view" things as things they philosophically and ontologically aren't, and this has played strongly into my depression. I also think that it has used up energy that I should have been using to better effect in working in the world. Being a member of a church is one way to take part in activities that embody your ethical beliefs in the world. Hanging about on the edge of a church feeling like crap doesn't make this easy.

I am sorry to hijack your thread Morosky but I could say a lot about this. I have tried all my life to be one of the following kinds of RC:

One who sincerely believes and follows the teachings of the Church - not possible for me;

One who does not believe every bit of theology but belongs anyway as the heritage within which they articulate their spirituality, and it somehow doesn't matter - not intellectually or ethically possible for me;

An ex catholic who is at home in the world following a personal ethical code without faith - impossible, lonely, lost.

I have not tried to be an activist for change within the church because I have no hope of changing anything in an ancient powerful institution that has been actively set up with a strict executive hierarchy to exclude people like me. I admire those who try but I know I do not have the strength to keep trying to belong and contribute to a force which so blatantly does not want or approve of me, still less while trying to seek comfort and spiritual sustenance from it.

So having decided not to try to be RC any more is a great breakthrough for me and I have been crying all night over it. I have been paralysed since I was 15 and maybe now I can move on.

Again, Morosky, sorry this is all over your thread. I have started my own thread on this issue before but there was no one on it who understood why Catholicism is so problematic. And now that I feel things are moving within me I am finding it hard to shut up about it, like a teenager.

Just wanted to add that we have several people who used to be RC now attending our church (High Church CofE), our sacristan is one of them. I was personally baptised a Lutheran but am now CE I guess. We'll take anyone who comes along! I see nothing wrong in moving between churches, the High Church of England services are very similar to the Roman Catholic Mass. There is also a couple who come to our church, he's CE she's RC, they alternate between us and our RC brothers & sisters down the road.

"Instead of Catholic and Protestant, can you not just view both churches as Christian?"

I should be able to do that, but this is about my emotions, my history and culture. My identity is tied up with my faith, I am a Catholic it would be one of the first things that people would say if they were to describe me.

Vezzie as a vocal, intelligent and quite canny catholic I have managed to make small changes in the past but it is harder now as I do feel like an outsider as I live somewhere new.

Mouette I feel that I may alternate between the two.

I am in an evangelical Anglican church and we have loads of lapsed Catholics. They are often the most 'on fire' for Christ.

My church is very Christ focussed and mission focussed. Although we are Church of England, we don't feel tied to that label. If the Church starts playing silly beggars, we would be very happy to opt out of the diocese and the parish share (as evangelicals, we make a big net contribution ).

I have many Catholic friends who often express unease about their church, but not willing to turn their backs on it. They have guilt-rendering accusations, etc. All they have to do is break away and have these burdens lifted.

I am not a theologian (have tried Alister McGrath but find even that hard), but I understand that Anglicanism (esp evangelical) is the faith of the original and undivided church. It is based mostly on scripture and only a little on tradition (teachings of the early church fathers as well as early church doctrine). I like that Anglicanism acknowledges scripture first, reason second and then tradition. They are all part of the fullness of faith.

If you are feeling guilt, then those feelings are not from God. Either feel encouraged where you are or break away. Let the Holy Spirit be your guide. Act prayerfully.

Peace +

Do alternate! It's always interesting to see how different churches do things. There is great variation even between churches within the Church of England. Ours is Anglo-Catholic as they call it, I think in some respects our rituals are more traditional even than those of some RC churches - we still have an Easter vigil at dawn and light a fire outside for example, I don't think the RC in our area does that any more.
Plus it's always amusing to see who has the best-looking vestments and the best incense-swinging technique. We have fun with that in the sacristy when the RC priest come along to preach (our churches work quite closely together).

I have read this with interest. I am an atheist as is dh but we both come from fairly religious families - his is Irish Catholic.

As regards his family we have separated the cultural and community aspects of catholicism from the religious. My children are aware of what granny et al believe and when we are in Ireland they go to mass as an act of respect to their grandmother and as a family thing. However, at home we are atheists and quite clear that there is no God.

Can you not do something similar - recognise that your religion serves 2 functions for you - a sense of culure and a safe and secure environment in which to commune with God. It seems to me that the Catholic church is not currently fulfilling the second function for you at all - indeed it is stopping you enacting your faith as you would wish. Therefore, you need to find another way of doing it.

I agree with GooseyLoosey - religion does indeed fulfil two functions not one, one spiritual, the other social. I had to do quite a bit of looking around to find a church that suited me. Lots of people do the same.