Feeling a bit confused about going to church

[zulubump]

Hi, I've been going to a local methodist church with my dd for a few months now. I've never been a churchgoer previously. My dh was in his youth (his family are very religious) but he doesn't believe or go now. I've always been a bit curious and now I have dd (20 months) it seemed kind of a good excuse to start going with her to just give her an introduction and the opportunity to learn about Christianity.

However, I've been quite surprised by how emotional I often feel during the services. There have been a couple based around God/Jesus being there with us all the time throughout life's ups and downs and I have felt really tearful and have often come home and sobbed on my poor confused dh. I haven't spoken to anyone at the church about my feelings and I think people either haven't noticed I am tearful or are too polite to say anything.

This sunday I didn't go because I started to feel really tearful in the shower in the morning just thinking about going and I couldn't face another service feeling full of emotion and tears and being afraid to talk to anyone. I just don't know how to begin talking to anyone or even what my tears are about. Plus I have dd with me so it's not so easy to chat freely with people. Can anyone advise please? I just feel like a bit of a fool and don't know how to find the right person who will listen and try to understand.

Nora Gallagher in her book : 'Things seen and unseen , a year lived in faith', comments that when she went back to church after a long absence she 'spent the first year crying'. Realising that this is a normal and fairly frequent response can be helpful. It would probably also help to talk to one of the church leaders (the minister/ pastor) about this and to explore what you are feeling.

Thanks this is probably a good idea. Just need to work up some courage!

Does the church have a male or female minister? A female may be easier to talk to, maybe at a time that your dh would look after your small child. Would it be possible for you to go on your own one Sunday, after all a 20 month old is not going to learn much about Christianity at that age. Then maybe you could stop a little while after church and maybe have a chat. People are very happy to see newcomers in church, especially if they can see that they are moved by the service.
I frequently cry my eyes out at church and nobody bats an eyelid much.

There is a female minister at the church I go to sometimes, well I think she might be a "lay-preacher". I don;t quite understand all the different roles within a church and I think methodist are different to other denominations. What sort of church do you go to DutchOma? I've never seen anyone cry in church. I look at the congregation and they all seem to be very middle-class Marks & Spencers (if you'll excuse the sweeping generalisation) with chat about the weather etc before and after the service and I can't imagine having a good old sob without feeling very out of place. Of course I've made some assumptions in this but I'm not sure how to get past that in my head iykwim?

Is it possible to make appointments to have chat with pastors/ministers if it's not convenient to talk after services?

I go to a large Baptist church. Very varied, quite a few black people, not very M&S at all.
Yes, of course you could make an appointment to see one of the ministers at a different time, they would be delighted. But it might be just a little formal.
I don't know how ministry works in a Methodist church either, but quite likely there will be people on the look-out for newcomers and somebody should talk to you before or after the service.
Is there maybe another church nearby that isn't quite as stuffy as yours sounds?

Hi Zulubump,
I have only just started coming on MumsNet and so have just seen your message. I am a Pastoral & Outreach Worker (not to be confused with pastoral visitor) for a Methodist Circuit in Essex and if you still have questions I would be happy to chat with you via email. You can make an appointment to see a Methodist Minister, Local Preacher of Pastoral worker at any time other than after service on a Sunday. Please be assured that many people, including myself, go through the emotions you are feeling when first attending or returning to church.
Yours in Faith

Hi, I'm a methodist and have been all of my life. Its not usnusual for people to cry and be emotional when God is working in them is some way. At our church we are quite open about talking to people, praying with people, asking if people are OK if they appear to be upset. Its really not unusual for people to feel this way.
In the Methodist Church, the minister will preach at other churches as well as theier own and when the Minister isn't there lay preachers called 'Local Preachers' take the services. There are also church stewards who tend to do the day to day running of the place eg. meeting the preacher, organising/doing the reading etc. I'm sure the minister wuold love to speak to you, is his or her number on the notice sheet or notice board?
You might also be able to join a housegroup where yo can discuss how you're feeling in a smaller group situation. I'm sure anyone in the church wuold chat with you and if they fell uncomfortable with that, I wuold think they'd be able to 'pass you on' to somebody who would. Not sure if thats at all helpful but feel free to CAT me anytime.

I returned to church after a period away, and found the return very emotional - I used to slip out and cry outside, then go back in for the end, no-one ever said anything. I made myself keep going, and then it just started to get easier and better. I had a chat with my vicar about some issues that were bothering me about church (like how a previous church had told me I was going to hell!), and he was able to reassure me. Now I'm a lay minister!

It may help you to identify the triggers for your tears, and address what it is thats making you so emotional?

But yes it happens, and I've also had people cry on me too - and I'm always at great pains to reassure them its nothing to be embarrassed about, but often is part of a healing process.