A confirmation question from DS please if anyone can help?

[Peachy]

DS1 has decided, to my surptrise that he would like to participate in the confirmation class at school nest year (surprise as he rejected my faith but ahs chosenn it again- I am glad that he has given it thought though and not wandered blindly).

Anyway the question he has is can this be done in a way he can deal with RE his asd..... basically he cant stand to be touched by anyone bar me, or to have oil / water etc on him.

I'm embarassed to say I don't know- I would think so but our Vicar is old and may question this.

Any ideas please?

catholic or c of e

oh sorry you say Vicar so I guess Cofe

Catholic needs both laying on of hands and oil:

The Catechism of the Catholic Church says:

"1300 The essential rite of the sacrament follows. In the Latin rite, "the sacrament of Confirmation is conferred through the anointing with chrism on the forehead, which is done by the laying on of the hand, and through the words: 'Accipe signaculum doni Spiritus Sancti' [Be sealed with the Gift of the Holy Spirit.]."

so I fink those are both needed for RC confirmation to be valid

Let me check CofE

Hmm I am not sure

I think you might need to ask your vicar (although it will be the bishop who does it, so might be better sending the Bishop an email or letter to be honest).

My gut reaction is that you might get away without the oil but I think they might not want to miss out the laying on of hands - although technically I think that placing his hands over the candidate without physically touching him might be arguable

I think it will entirely depend on the sympathetic nature of your Bishop!

I don't think we do the anointing with oil at our church, but we do have the bishop lay hands on the confirmand. I think he should be able to get aways with a hovering of the hands.

Although Confirmation is a not a sacrament, it is still simply an outward sign of an inward grace. It is what is on your DS's heart that is important. Anything beyond that is simply legalism.

Confirmation IS a sacrament.

frogs - that's the catholic church, think Peachy is CoE where I don't think it is viewed as a Sacrament

There are only two sacraments in the Anglican faith, frogs - baptism and the Lord's Supper - they were both ordained by Christ himself.

The five sacramental acts are basically inventions of the church - not that there is anything wrong with them

Peachy, have emailed you, if I can help, please let me know!

As for whether Confirmation is a sacrament or not, the Church of England is vague. Officially, the teaching is that there are 2 biblical sacraments, and 5 more "commonly called sacraments":

"Other important rites, commonly called sacraments, include confirmation, holy orders, reconciliation, marriage and anointing of the sick."

This is a quote from the CofE website

ahh I see you've found it Mary - I was about to link from the BFing in church thread for you as I thought you'd be able to help

Peachy, I would say talk to someone at school first if you think the vicar is unlikely to understand. Then maybe they can liaise on your son's behalf.

Most clergy I know are always more than willing to work things out and make necessary adaptations in order to be accessible for different indifiduals.

If you get stuck, let me know. I'll reason with the Bishop in question (well, there's no point them having me as an adviser on the topic if they don't take any notice )

Ah.. There may not be one (a diocesan disability adviser). Only about a third of Dioceses have them, alas. There's sometimes a Deaf Ministry Chaplain who's bunged into the job of speaking for other disability issues with no training at all, but only about five advisers in the UK have any proper ASD training and experience at the moment. They contact me if stuck. It'll get better, honest it will.

Theologically I couldn't argue my way out of a proverbial paper bag, alas, but my view is that the law says we have to make our services to the public reasonably accessible for those who have a disability. And if your disability says your brain cuts out if some strange man (!)* puts his hands on your head and you panic automatically, then that's a bloomin' good reason to want it done in a non-touching way, or to compromise in the best way possible for the circumstances.

• Not meaning in any way that our Bishops are strange men, you realise...just that from a child's perspective, they are a stranger!

Thanks all- sorry I vanished, took boys out for the day.

We're CofW (otehrwise wuld ahev just e-mailed you Amber ). The Vicar is quite nice, an old Lecturer of mine, but the Bishop is supposed to be a bit harsh and is quite strict- haven't met him though.

I will talk to the Infanyts SENSO- ds1 is in juniors but she's RE co-ordinator and hr Mum is on the PCC- should give me an idea IYSWIM?

Technicall I start attending Quakers services next week, but the boys attend CofW and wish to continue within that which is fine by me.

I'm not sure if the SENCO would be able to help, because its not something I would know, off the top of my head, and I'm usually pretty well up on churchly rules/regs.

I can't see the CofW being that much different, but if you want me to try to find out more, I can.

yesplease mary

senco's godfasther is bvicar - one eyelid flutter and she gets her way LOL

Would you be happy for me to post a general question on another website? Might be quicker, although I can think of a few people I could ask directly. Do you mind my asking which diocese you're in? Or you can email me? I did send you an email, not sure if you got it?

Also, I found an email address for the Bishops' Advisors for the CinW, you could try emailing them...?

bishopsadvisors at churchinwales dot org dot uk

I don't know if this helps but I was confirmed in CinW (a while ago now) and in my class was a lad with a disability which made it difficult for him to kneel. As a result when he was confirmed he remained standing,unlike the rest of us had who had knelt. The Bishop also stood up to confirm him. There obviously must be a degree of flexibility. Also the lad's parents stayed by him whilst he was confirmed.

Thanks Mary- I would be happy yes (and did get yur email, just been a bit ful on today LOL)

We're in Llandaff diocese I believe

oh - and there was me nosing at the Bishop of Monomouth based on where you say you live in your profile

Ah it might be there, I googled and it said Llandaff but we're right on crossover of areas so could ell be (we're in 3 different counties as well depending on which rioad you live in!)

Is there an easy way t work it out- postciode in np18

well I found myself here and worked my way backwards thourgh the deaneries etc and figured it must be Monmouth as that's where they all seemed to end up >>