Dream - smothering baby

[kiwimum4]

Since my DD was born (now 5 months) I dream every night that either me or my husband is smothering her. We don't co-sleep so the dream is completely illogical. It improved when i moved her into her own room but has got worse again with me waking 2-4 times a night in a panic. It's now really disturbing my husbands sleep and i'm feeling exhausted. I've tried all the 'dream meanings' websites but can't find anything specific. Is anyone able to throw light on this? Thanks

When I bf my baby (only for the first 5wks) I used to bring her into bed with me. I never feel asleep but often came close to nodding off. I wont of smothered her if I had, but there are times now I wake thinking that she is still in the bed/rolled out of it. She moved into her own room at 5wks and she has just turned 1 last week and I still wake thinking where the heck is she, although I have to say the panic only last for a split second. Just wanted to let you know your not the only one.

I think this is really common. When DS was tiny, and rooming with us in his basket, I was pretty much hallucinating with sleep deprivation and constantly convinced that he was in the bed with us and I'd smothered him. Or that he'd fallen out at the side. I used to grab DH's arms, thinking they were my baby, under the covers. I also dreamt that I had another, hidden baby who was in the wardrobe and needed feeding!

I thought I was going mad, but a friendly GP who saw DS said she had the exact same dreams/hallucinations, and since then, I've read a similar thing in Rachel Cusk's A Life's Work.

I think it must have something to do with resetting your attentions and priorities - your baby is now the most important thing, and you go on worrying about her/caring for her even when you're lucky enough to get some sleep! Don't worry - if your dream means anything, it's just that you're being an attentive and exhausted mother!

Thanks for both your responses. It's so helpful just to know that someone else has had the same problem - I do feel like i'm going mad!
Hopefully it'll start to get better..

did you have a difficult birth or problems conceiving? i had a pretty traumatic time and had birth, dying baby dreams for about 6 months after, until i went to someone to talk it all out

Kiwimum4 - I watched a documentary on dreams the other day which suggested that nightmares are your mind's way of rehearsing for possible dangerous situations, so that if it ever happens in real life, you'll know what to do. Post-traumatic stress, however, can disrupt this process as the mind keeps replaying the same negative scenarios but can't find the solutions. To echo Naomi83, did you have a negative birth experience, as that can sometimes lead to symptoms of PTS?

Alternatively, it could be a deep seated fear of smothering your daughter metaphorically - were you overprotected as a child? The improvement after moving her to her own room might then be a marker that you feel more comfortable when she makes little moves towards independence.