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Original poster

Why does he test me so??

15 replies

Cranberry · 20/04/2005 17:51

Sorry if this is bit heavy but just need to off load somethings.
I am a Christian and believe in god and having lost my Mum when I was 11 have always believed in the after life. I still believe she looks down on me, I often ask her for help but am starting to think it's all just rubbish. I went to my ss St George's day Cub thing on Sunday and for the first time every didn't want to sing the hymens, didn't want to pray and just felt so let down. I'm beginning to think that my true purpose in life is as a crach test dummy. Throw as much as we can at her and see how she'll react. I normally take my son to the church toddler group most weeks and now don't even want to go there.

OP posts:
juniperdewdrop · 20/04/2005 17:55

Sorry to hear you're feeling like this. I think all of us Christians go through this? I have a good friend who I would describe as extremely 'christian' iykwim but she's confided in me that she feels empty at the moment. She wonders what her purpose is?

I don't know about you but I think we can be under attack sometimes. Whenever I'm due to go to a healing ministry training day I get depressed. What about asking some close freinds to pray for you or maybe go for some healing?

Original poster
Cranberry · 20/04/2005 18:02

My Nan is a Catholic and in times past has always lite a candle for me, maybe I'll ask her. I'm only 34 and seem to always have something to deal with. I finally thought my luck had changed a few years ago but it was so short lived, I just want to live in peace and harmony now is that really too much to ask? I know there are always people far off than myself and it often there faith that gets them through but I'm just not sure any more.

OP posts:
jangly · 20/04/2005 19:35

Try and sit quietly sometimes and wait for God to talk to you. You don't need to pray. Just sit and listen. Hope you feel happier about things soon.

juniperdewdrop · 20/04/2005 19:55

Cranberry, is there anyone you can confide in? GP, vicar or relative maybe? You may be surprised at the support out there once you look for it?

We have a prayer chain through our Church - we ring each other so that anyone in need of prayer gets a big dose! Maybe your local Church has this? Or I could always send a request round for you as you don't need the person's name?

Jangly's right about having some time to think. We're all so busy trying to do this and that sometimes we forget about this.

purpleturtle · 20/04/2005 19:58

I think Juniperdewdrop and Jangly have given you some really good advice. I think Juniper is right when she says pretty much all Christians go through times like this: it's Biblical too. Some of David's psalms are pure desperation - where are you God? why are they all trying to kill me God? that kind of stuff. And then God reaches out to him again, and his spirit is lifted, and he sees God for who he really is again.

IMO the devil wants you demoralised, because you're no threat to him then. the idea that God is wanting to test you is a lie from him, designed to put you off God. Sometimes you have to choose to believe, sometimes to tell yourself that you do believe, and then just ride it out.

I've been there.

The truth is, God cares for you, he loves you, it breaks his heart when he sees what you've been through and how you feel about it.

juniperdewdrop · 20/04/2005 20:06

Yes, it is biblical. Even Jesus say's "why have you forsaken me father?"

You're so right purple when you say the devil wants us to be demoralised. This thought can be so scary to people. We need to pray for protection and ask for support and prayer IMO.

purpleturtle · 20/04/2005 20:07

Amen!

DixiExpat · 20/04/2005 21:12

Sorry to hear you are "in a valley". I cannot begin to tell you here the things I've been through but most ppl recommend I write a book when they hear just a few of them...the thing is,you cannot go on your feelings,you must go by what you know. Doubt your doubts and believe your beliefs.Read the book of Job,consider what Christ said to Thomas. Some questions you may ask yourself (too personal to expect you to answer here), "Are you tithing?" see Malachi 3:6-9,are the incidents in your personal life that may be hindering your prayers? or are you simply in a slump? Do you have time with The Lord outside of church services such as time to yourself to read the word, or even just a scripture for the day and a moment to think on it? Do you feel you are in the right church still?G-d won't toy with you,you are precious to Him, he knew your name from the foundations of the world and called you to be His.You are so precious that he sent his son to die for you so that you can have an abundant life, that is His will.Job of course helps us see, we don't have it as bad as we think but the Pauline epistles can be very motivating,even in times of doubt.Do you have a hobby? Its amazing how much a relaxing hobby such as knitting or cross stitch etc; can have on your life and give you time to meditate on everything while you do it. I'll pray for you, don't lose hope and get lost in a moment.Cast your cares upon Him and dwell in the shadow of The almighty.

ionesmum · 21/04/2005 20:41

I'm so sorry to hear how hard things are for you right now. I promise you that God doesn't will for anyone to suffer, and when we do he's in there with us. I know sometimes we ask, 'why me?' but perhaps the answer is 'why not me?' God doesn't plan for us to suffer, it's not his intent. The only plan he has for us is that one day we will be with him in heaven. When Jesus died on the cross for us he entered all our suffering; he knows what it is like, and will bear your burdens for you if you let him. You are doing a wonderful and beautiful thing in taking your ds to a church group. Please keep going, God loves you so much, and he has your mum safe in his care. Ask him to be with you and he will, maybe in a way that you might not recognise at first, but he never leaves prayers unanswered and requires nothing of us other than that we want to love him and get to know him. Be gentle with yourself. I will pray for you tonight. God bless.

juniperdewdrop · 22/04/2005 10:42

what a lovely message ionesmum

Marina · 22/04/2005 10:44

Ionesmum, thank you. Your message really spoke to me too . I have often had thoughts like Cranberry's in recent years.

Original poster
Cranberry · 22/04/2005 15:53

Thank you all so much for your kind words and prayers. Wednesday night I prayed before I went to sleep and again last night.Yesterday was a good day and today is even better. I lost my way for a few days but thanks to you all feel I am walking a new path again now. I was so caught up with what has happened when instead I should have and am now looking forward. I cannot change the past but I at least now feel in control of my future.

OP posts:
purpleturtle · 22/04/2005 18:02

Thank you so much for updating us Cranberry. Glad you're feeling a bit happier now. Ups and downs are normal, and anyone who claims otherwise it telling fibs.

purpleturtle · 22/04/2005 18:02

is telling fibs

ionesmum · 22/04/2005 20:56

Glad you are feeling better.

juniperdewdrop & Marina Although it's Jesus' message, not mine.

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