what is going on in the Church?

[omygawd]

I started life as a RC very strict mother who always expected me to be top of the bible class. Dad's religion was football! In my teens I opted out, great upset and I can now llok at this period in my life and call it my 'tarty years' great fun, no sense of responsibility luckily no byproducts either!
Now older and into my second marriage have rediscovered God, trained as a reader in the CofE, after long talks with Vicar was TOLD I should train as a priest.
Problem one is that I don't believe as a woman I can be a priest, maybe childhood indoctrination but if feels wrong to and for me!
Problem Two is that DH work has relocated and this is not time to find other work so we all moved. The Parish I now live in has a priest who not only is against women priests (no prob) but has no place for readers either. Have taken this up with the church authorities (Diocese) who only say that I should establish a working relationship with the priest where I live. This clearly cannot happen and the younger curate has made is obvious that he sees me as a sort of Mrs Robinson, even to the extent of calling me that to my face. When I mentioned this to my priest he laughed it of and told me to take it as a compliment. What should I do?

Um, find another church? They sound quite peculiar.

If you don't feel called to be a priest, then don't feel pushed into it because anyone else thinks you ought to, though you ought to think about it and decide whether you feel a calling and not assume you "obviously" don't. But if you don't feel it would be right for you to be a priest, you could consider whether to talk to the diocese about the diaconate (some places will let you be ordained a deacon without any expectation of becoming a priest later) or else stick with becoming a reader or just following your own path without a label.

But your current church doesn't sound like one where you'll be encouraged to any sort of leadership role, apart from "women's work" like running the Sunday School , which doesn't sound like what you've been feeling called towards so far.

thanks I amliving in East Anglia in the corner of three dioceses. I might be tempted across the border in any of the others are more accepting of female reader ministry

I'd definitely look round and see what the other churches in reasonable range are like - I think it's just that specific church which may be the issue. A number of churches don't feel comfortable with female priests, but even they are normally OK about readers unless they're either very high or very evangelical.

Interesting! Why don't you go and visit a local church with a female vicar, if only for a short time or once or twice, to help you work things out? There is bound to be one not too far away. You can just sit and think ad see what you feel actually seeing a woman lead. If you've been brought up RC and then gone to a CofE church against women priests, then one of the biggest issues is probably that the thought of you actually doing anything like that is just too far outside your sphere of reference.

Seeing role models is a really important part of working out what you are meant to be. OTOH I must be honest and say that I have femlae friends who are really uncomfortable with women leaders in church and always will be - nothing I say can change that.

If it's any help I am in the selection process for vicardom and this is an issue I've worked through ad nauseam. In my case it's because I've come from a fairly conservative evangelical church where the women ran the Sunday school and poured the the tea and where there are meetings for leaders "and their wives" (implication being, of course, that all the leaders are married men). At the moment I am working for a church alongside a totally brilliant woman vicar and if I still had any residual hesitiation about women leaders this experience has got rid of that completely. If there's anything I can do to help, just say!

Thank you for this. The problem is that I think that the parish systm is one odf the strongests assets of the C OF E and i really want to live and worship within this structure. A also feel called to minister as a lay person and have no awareness of a call to be ordained. Do I have to move house, again/ and in which case is there not a danger in a 'pick n mix' approach to religion. surely the better thing is to accept that God has a purpose for me here and to wait and see what develops. the trouble is that I am not naturally patient and this is sooo difficult and hurtful! Why God? why now? and why me?

It's extremely tricky to work out whether God is asking us to be patient and wait for something, or to go out and change things by taking action . I could of course say "pray about it", but I think also thinking about it yourself has value too. God gives us intelligence and sometimes the answer is one we have to work out ourselves. Sorry, that's not very helpful is it?

You could decide that your purpose at the moment is to educate the priests in your parish church so that they stop being negative about women's ministry (and frankly weird about women at all)?

Thank goodness you're not in my Diocese-your Vicar sounded suspiciously like mine!!

I've grown up in a 'high' church, tbh, don't feel comfortable with women priests (and have desperately tried to) and our church doesn't have lady readers (although I don't know if anyone has tried).

I used to go out with someone from the same type of church and as I do a lot of work in my church was asked by people there if I wanted to become a priest (I don't think they understood which church they were in)! I've never felt called to the priesthood, but have found that my vocation is as a youthworker. I think too many people think a vocation has to be 'priest' and not anything else.

Have you considered being a Pastoral Assistant? We have one of those in my church so it must be allowed . If you did that, you could speak to people and tend God's sheep without being a reader.

But all of this comes down to what you feel you're being called to. And I say that with a heavy heart as my husband is currently on the 'priestly vocation' journey and I hate it!!

Sounds like you and I have a lot in common, OMG. I was brought up strict RC, divorced/remarried, ended up in the C of E having rediscovered God. I finish my Reader training in July .

I don't feel called to priesthood either, although I've not got a problem with women priests - people have asked me why I don't train for the priesthood too! But we are not all called to do the same thing, in the same way.

Personally, I would look for another parish where your ministry is welcomed. If a priest doesn't want you as a Reader, there doesn't seem to be much you can do about it. Have you been on the Reader forum? There's a couple of Readers on there that have had problems with incumbents.

Thanks MaryBS we do seem to have common ground but the real issues I think I am struggling with are not perhaps with myself but with the clergy. Firstly A vicar that puts pressure on you to get ordained even when you say No and now a curate who I am worried will not take no for an answer! And a vicar who does not see the problem in this. Are then any normal male clergy out there or am I losing the plot thinking that this is a contradiction in terms! How do you find that your clergy treat you and are they M or F I think that might make a difference. No havn't been on reader forum as big brother may be watching. Ooops there goes my paranoia again.

thanks Jugglingwoman your points are noted however part of the problem is that I am, or rather i suppose I was, a reader. This is what I feel called to do!

OMG - forgive me if I am misreading you, but you sound quite clear about your calling as a reader, and so problem one is really your old priest's problem rather than yours. It sounds as if you are at peace that you aren't called to be ordained, and that you can leave that one lie, for now at least. Clockface has wise advice, however, about starting points for rethinking your views on women priests. Getting to know one (or more) sounds like a fun project to me!

Problem two - your current priest - sounds quite a challenge. However, you have just moved in, and you probably have a lot to do, setting up a new home, and maybe re-evaluating your thoughts on women and the priesthood, too. Would it be sensible to set yourself a timescale - six months? a year? - in which to worship in that parish, watch, wait, pray and see how things develop? He may not change at all, or there may be opportunities which emerge during that time, which are not obvious now. You may change too, and have a clearer idea of how or where God is calling you.

Problem three - seems to me to be more of a problem, particularly with a parish priest who finds it a joke. I'm tempted to suggest self defence classes, or carrying around a glove filled with sand, but there may be more gentle and loving ways to put him in his place, if the time comes. Perhaps he does just have a very strange sense of humour, but forewarned is fore-armed. You have got time to prepare some great put downs (with the collective resource of MN at your disposal!) Hopefully it will come to nothing and you can focus on the more important issues above.

HTH

My vicar is male and has been happy to work with me as a Reader, and I believe is quite pleased I didn't want to go into ordained ministry! As to whether he is "normal", I would say not! Definitely not! He has his faults, but we mostly get on very well.

But you shouldn't be put under pressure to consider ordained ministry. Neither should you block the idea out either. Have you got a Spiritual Director or Warden of Readers you can turn to?

Is the church you are worshipping in now Forward In Faith? If it is, you are unlikely to get any support or reccomendation to train.
I agree that maybe meeting with a female priest and spending time working with her might help you decide if you wish to do it or not. However, if you know that you don't that seems pretty pointless.

No It is not FiF I wish it was at least I would know where I stood. It seems to embrace most things it is only when you get involved that you realise there is a hidden agenda. The Rector does not subscribe to the ordination of womem but sees that as a personal choice and not one to impose on the parish. He is quite elderly and wise, i think and I respect him for this. The younger curate seems to have a lot more to say on the subject and seems to be pulling the strings and certainly sees women as second class (they can wash up but probably only if there isn't a suitable man around!)

Well, I guess, if he is elderly, then he might be retiring soon? And is the curate there temporarily, as a training placement, or is he likely to be there longterm?

It seems a really horrible place to be, and if you ARE to have any sort of ministry, you will either have to sit tight and wait for a change of leadership, or find another parish/place to minister (hospital/prison etc)