DP has lost his faith. (Catholic) Not sure what to do?

[laweaselmys]

I'm agnostic and always have been, but went to catholic school, know loads of Catholics and was very comfortable of the idea of bringing our DC up in the faith (although I had no intention of converting).

In the last few years DP stopped going to church regularly but since we moved in together he has stopped going even for special occasions and just said it was too awkward to go and never goes to confess or receive communion. I took him to the local church when we moved in and we went to mass together but I was more keen on going back than he was! (Was a perfectly nice church with a friendly entertaining father.) I asked him recently what he wants to do about Easter and he has said nothing (no chocolate even!) though it would be no problem for us to go to mass.

From a few things he has said I think that us not being married and our baby being on the way etc, has made him feel like he's not part of the church anymore - like they would reject him and so he's rejecting them first iyswim? Even though it's a very liberal church in this area and they would not behave this way at all.

If he keeps going like this I don't think he will even want the baby christened, which I think would be really upsetting/worrying for his family.

I don't know what to do. Should I leave it because it is his choice? He did used to really love church and it just feels like such a loss for him - I don't want him to give up on it because he thinks he will be judged.

If he has decided that it's all a load of bollocks that he doesn't need, then you could congratulate him and set forth on a happy free-from-religion life (there are lots of us, and there are in fact books, websites etc for people who find belief in deities totally impossible but worry about being adrift in the world - a religion-free viewpoint is a valid and often very happy one).
This can sometimes happen with people who are at least partly culturally believers ie raised in the traditions of a particular faith: sooner or later they start thinking 'but this is daft/doesn't make sense'. Sometimes they look around and find a different set of mythologies that suit them better, sometimes they walk away from the lot.
Though if he reckons it's the Church as opposed to the belief-in-gods bit then Justabout's advice is sound.

I do know priests who would be happy to talk to him, but haven't suggested he do so because I didn't want to push it.

Will think about talking him about God in a less specific context though, and maybe I could mention talking to a priest in that context.

Part of me thinks if I just leave it and in a few years time once we've got married (as is the plan) he will probably find it easier to go back on his own.

I think it is the Church, as opposed to God. He gets quite angry about the Pope sometimes. But maybe I am assuming... urgh. Okay, will definitely try and clarify where the lack of interest is coming from.

No. I think you are both right. If I leave it, and just support whatever he wants he might go back post wedding and we can sort out a christening then, and if he doesn't then really it is fine - it's just not what I expected of him.

I think I have been feeling guilty because of my part in why he feels not-part-of-things anymore.

Thanks for the advice, both of you.

I don't think you have any need to feel guilty. THe having or not-having of a belief is incredibly personal, and it is impossible to change someone's mind about the validity or non-validity of any belief system just by pointing out either its faults or its merits.
THis will undoubtedly sort itself out given time.

I agree with SGB.

For DH and I: he is the agnostic... I am the 'catholic' but TBH, I tired of the constant guilt. I don't bother with church at all now and I'm unlikely to have my DS (or new baby) baptised.

The reason? my Dh was previously married and (though that marriage ended in divorce, produced two children whom my DH loves enormously and the catholic church could only 'possibly' accept him if he had his first marriage anulled. mental. He's a caring, loving father who would never anul the marriage to his ex wife (because it means a lot to him that his kids know that when they were born, they were much wanted) rather than please some stuffy old man whose never (hopefully! ) had a relationship in his life.

The catholic church almost operates on guilt. If your DP is happier without it, I'd let him get on with it

And (just a very personal opinion here) you should be baptising your child for YOU not for your family. My family KEEP on at me about the baptism of my son, but I'm not going to be bullied into it for the wrong reasons.

Thanks Justabout... We went to Vegas to get married instead and had a wonderful time!!!

I've been brought up a very, very strict catholic all of my life and it gets to me more and more as I get older...

The guilt about sex, public opinion, being 'seen' to be doing the right thing... It's cobblers.

And as for confession, don't get me started!!!! I mean: You can go in and 'confess' to a priest, even if you aren't truly sorry and be absolved but you can't be absolved, even if you ARE truly sorry unless you go and tell the priest

I also have real problems with the catholic church's stance on:
Women's rights
Abortion
Gay rights

OK, HM... deep breaths, step away now....