is co-habitation is a sin..

[mumnotarobot]

i am a born again christian. I should know the answer to this question but im confused. I am not in a cohabiting relationship but would like to know if it is a sin. And is it a sin because you are praticsing pre-matiral sex or is it justa sin because you live with someone you arent married to? I am not practising sex and neither do i intend to. But is the sin part of it due to the tempatations that may occur if cohabiting??

please help me get a clearer understanding.
Thanks in advance

I personally think the issues come with premarital sex - whether that be living together or apart, having sex before marriage is a named sin in the bible...

I think living together is too much of a temptation to resist (and many people don't resist for long) therefore cohabiting is looked down upon ... but not necessarily a sin per se

sex before marriage is the sin

if you really believe it.

i believe that when these 'sins' were made up in days of old marriage was an absolute societal necessity.

i think jesus would lookon balance whether your a good person or not.

not whether your married

Personally, I do not believe that pre-marital sex is automatically a sin, though I do believe that promiscuity distances us from God and is not "good for us" in emotional or spiritual terms so we should be careful of our sexual choices.

But, for those who do believe that premarital sex is a sin, I believe the problem with co-habitation is that the temptation to have sex will be too great, and that accepting co-habitation blurs the "specialness" of marriage.

If you think about it, there's no "moral" problem in living together in a house or flat with people of the opposite sex you're not in a relationship with, so why should it be wrong just because you are in a relationship? Only because people in relationships are going to be tempted to have sex.

Actually, it says nowhere in the Bible that having sex before marriage is a sin.
Basically that is because it doesn't need to spell it out. In Jewish society it was so unthinkable that you would have sex before marriage, that it didn't need saying so. Just look at the story of Mary and Joseph, Mary would have been stoned to death if people had found out about her being pregnant before she was married.
Marriage was a big deal in those days and it is, I think, a shame that, Christian or not, people are almost expected to have sex before marriage these days.
So many problems come with sex being almost the first building block in a relationship, rather than the last.
Sex that happens within the safe parameters of marriage, in a loving relationship, is so much better, that's why the whole atmosphere of the Bible assumes marriage before sex, without ever actually saying so.

thanks guys. So the sin is the fact you are knowningly allowing temptation. But the ridiculous thing temptation is all around. But i guess what i wanted to know specifically is where in the bible does it say you cant cohabitate? I know sex before marriage is a sin. Obviously i am a mum and not married and so therefore i sinned. But of course i am now re-born and a new creation is his eyes so therefore all sins are erased.

As you say you are reborn now.

But... my take.... I think the blur really is between committed sex and non committed. Not officially obv, but imo there is a world of difference and nothing intrinsically wrong between two paeople who are committed having sex and cohabiting, whereas I wouldn't have chosen promiscuity myself.

There's a lot there to do with self respect as well I think.

Now obviously i am neither orthodox nor evangelical and definitely a bit liberal.

But I lived with dh until our marriage and I can't see what changed on that one day tbh; I was no more committed (because you can't top 100%) when I got my ring after all.

I think lots of people think we cohabit still actually (am allergic to my wedding ring LOL)

It would seem to me that the worthwhile bits of any religion are the bits about being honest, kind, respecting your fellow human beings etc, and all the obsession with monitoring and controlling other people's sexual behaviour is stuff shoehorned in by individual muppets with various sexual dysfunctions. If you're looking at things from a specifically Christian viewpoint, there are plenty of prohibitions in bits of the Bible that are widely disregarded nowadays (not eating shellfish or black pudding for instance, or wearing clothes made of mixed fibres) as being little bits of time-specific irrelevance.

TBH I think you will get better answers from your minister about this as attitudes will vary with churches.

There is nothing intrinsically sinful about living in the same space as somebody else of a gender who you normally have sex with IMO. However, if you are making life hard for them and for yourself by living together because you know that you would like to have sex with each other but feel you can't, then all the attention and energy you spend keeping your hands off each other is potentially a waste, when you could be thinking more positive thoughts.

That's a very Protestant work ethic kind of answer I guess.

As a Catholic, I agree with Choosyfloosy!

Actually living with someone of the opposite sex is not a sin. I moved in with my DH 4 months after we got married and 8 months before we got married. My priest had no problem with this.

We were having sex but I do not believe this to have been sinful because we weren't married since we were in a committed relationship where neither of us intended to ever have sex with anyone else (or at least "until death us do part" if that doesn't seem too heartless).

Sorry that should have read before and after engaged not married

"Actually, it says nowhere in the Bible that having sex before marriage is a sin.
Basically that is because it doesn't need to spell it out. In Jewish society it was so unthinkable that you would have sex before marriage, that it didn't need saying so."

DutchOma, for me you've hit the nail on the head here. In the society into which Jesus ws born, not only was marriage absolutely sacred, it happened early. I am not sure that if Jesus was here now he wouldn't feel sex before marriage was okay. Or he might suggest that we all get married a lot earlier. I don't know. But it adds an extra dimension to the sex before marriage and living together question for me.

Dh and I lived together for 10 years before we were able to marry- though very intermittently as we lived in different countries. I am now a Christian, as I was not then, but I still cannot feel that our relationship was a sin: it still feels like a holy and blessed part of my life.

Jesus Christ was supremely uninterested in people's sex lives, but the church has more than made up for that with centuries of frenzied, repressive doctrine. With the exception of adultery and promiscuity, I don't think Christ passed judgement on people's relationships.

But sex IS about respect and love for another person and yourself, which Jesus was interested in. It isn't to be taken lightly, but neither is it for other people to point fingers over. I have heard teaching saying that when you choose to have sex with someone you are committing to them and they are, in the eyes of God, your spouse. Not sure how I feel about that logic or its consequences, but thought I'd throw it in for you!

And Jesus himself said that he doesn't look for 'good people' (whatever that means!), but that he came for the sinners. So either way, your access to him is never closed off.

It's one of those questions you're going to need a personal revelation on, because anyone else's opinion isn't what you will be answerable for. As someone above wrote, also get advice from whoever looks after you spiritually, as you will get as many varying answers as there are christians!

yes i should clarify he taught love and respect between people, that's why he was clear on the morals of adultery and promiscuity.

errrr in the old testament when it says "thou shall not committ adultery" it actually reads "fornification" if you use versions that are more accurately translated. So yes sex outside of marriage is not acceptable to God. Sex outide of the guidelines that God issues is one of the few sins that has spiritual consequences because the body is the temple of the Holy Spirit.

in Jewish society a woman hgot amrried so someone could feed her and house her; a man got married because he wanted somone to keep his house and have sex / raise his kids

sex before marriage reduced the chances someone would actually marry you and if you got Pg you might be stoned at worst or die with your baby from starvation. Ostacised at best.

Of cousr cohabiotation was a sin then! Very sensibly so. But we don't ahve that now- we have jobs and rights and fab things like benefits/ social housing.

We're very lucky in real terms, and I would say myself that God is in the systems that allow this (SGB please feel free to insert human charity LOL- same thing different understanding ) and that cherish love rather than the desperate survival and hatred of women that caused the old laws.

I was quite careful to talk about what Jesus Christ said, not the Old Testament. It says an awful lot of things in the Old Testament, but some of which strangely we ignore and some of which we latch on to. And i'm not quite sure about 'accurate' translations but that is a whole other debate....

[hi Peachy!]

Hmmmm put Jesus said an awful lot about sexual immorality and I can't think of anything in the NT that does away with any of the 10 commandments.

examples Cargirl?

examples of what?

Had a quick look and found this.....

Hey all,

Something I'm struggling with at the moment is the difference between God's word and the word of the church.
I have an issue with taking what people in the Church "the institution" say over the Bible. I believe that the only truth is found in the bible.

I've been talking with a friend lately about the subject of Sex before marriage. Everything i've ever been taught in the church has always said no sex before marriage, and I believe thats correct... i think.
So in looking at the Bible regarding this all i can find is related to "Sexual Immorality".

What exactly is Sexual Immorality?? what is Sexual Impurity?? Can you be Sexual immoral with your husband after marriage?? What is marriage? a peice of paper after spending $10,000 on a dress?? or is it a commitment made between a man and a woman promising to spend their lives together with God??

I know it sounds quite simple... and i know the answer from what the "Institution" has told me.. but this doesnt sit right in my heart and I don't understand.

Please if someone could give me a theological Biblical based answer i would REALLLLLYYYYYY appreciate it, and it would help me in my walk greatly.

Love
N.

Lindsay

USA
1806 Posts
Posted - 14 Jul 2003 : 09:06:24 AM
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Good question. I had the same questions about a year ago and sat down with a bible and a good greek dictionary and worked through it. Here's what I found (my apologies for it being written in an academic form, I'm going to cut and paste):

Most Christians take for granted the idea that premarital sex is wrong, even though they have never seen a specific bible verse condemning it. When someone does attempt a biblical argument against it, they usually use the passages below, or ones similar to them, to support their case.

Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. - 1 Corinthians 6:18

But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people. - Ephesians 5:3

You are to abstain from food sacrificed to idols, from blood, from the meat of strangled animals and from sexual immorality. You will do well to avoid these things. Farewell. -Acts 15:29

Although these may be perfectly clear directions to a mature believer, none of these scriptures refer explicitly to premarital sex-- only to a rather vague concept of ?sexual immorality?. Although it may come as a surprise to many Christians, there are no scriptures that explicitly link sexually immorality with premarital sex. Therefore, the position of a person attempting to exegete the text is to find a logical and biblical link between the statement that "sexual immorality is wrong" and "having sex before marriage is wrong."

Perhaps then, the first step should be to determine what the biblical definition of "sexual immorality" is and what the writers of the New Testament understood it to be. The New American Standard New Testament Greek Lexicon transliterates the word "porneia" and defines it as:

1. illicit sexual intercourse

a. adultery, fornication, homosexuality, lesbianism, intercourse with animals etc. b. sexual intercourse with close relatives; Lev. 18 c. sexual intercourse with a divorced man or woman; Mk. 10:11

Throughout the New American Standard Bible, this word is translated 25 times. Of these twenty-five occurrences, 17 are translated as immorality/immoralities, and 6 are translated as ?fornication(s)?. The word is translated specifically as sexual immorality once, and as unchastity once.

An observant reader would still not be satisfied- since premarital sex is explicitly listed nowhere under the definition of ?porneia?. At this point, the challenge moves from linking sexual immorality with premarital sex, to linking an aspect of the biblical definition of sexual immorality to premarital sex. In more specific terms, now that a link between sexual immorality and fornication has been uncovered, the challenge moves towards linking fornication and premarital sex. According to the American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language, fornication is defined as ?sexual intercourse between partners who are not married to each other.? Since this definition is a sufficient condition for our definition of premarital sex, we can then conclude that premarital sex is synonymous with fornication.

If premarital sex and fornication are synonymous, that provides the appropriate key to link sexual immorality with premarital sex. The scriptures listed above established that sexual immorality is forbidden and unethical. After examining the biblical definition of sexual immorality, we learned it was synonymous with fornication. Therefore, when the bible forbad sexual immorality it also forbad fornication. The last step came with the definition that established that fornication and premarital sex were synonymous. Therefore, according to the syllogism below, premarital sex is synonymous with sexual immorality and is forbidden by the bible.

If the bible forbids sexual immorality it also forbids fornication
Fornication and premarital sex are the same thing

\Therefore, the bible forbids premarital sex.

I would def go with the answer provided on the forum, I've researched into myself to discuss stuff with the teens at church and not found anything to contradict it. It was celibate priest and self gratification up for discussion last week - at their request!