Do you find that your faith helps you to accept things?

[accept1]

Hello,

I don't normally post on this board, but I am struggling to come to terms with something that's happened. I know that a lot of people do find that religion helps them to "accept" things, and I am trying to understand this.

I was brought up Protestant, but stopped going to church when I was at high school (went to an independent school). I married in a Catholic Church, and we promised to raise our children as Catholics. We did go to church for a while when he was very young, but haven't been in a long time.

We haven't had our DS2 baptised yet (he's 2).

So I am not very religious at all.

Something has happened though which I am having trouble coming to terms with, and it seems frankly unfair. I know a lot people believe that God doesn't give us anything we can't "handle". My MIL is very religious, and has asked that we be prayed for in perpetuity.

How does your faith help you to cope when "bad" things happen?

It's hard to explain exactly how faith can help, and it will depend on your beliefs as to how it works for each one of us - something which would definitely be longer than I should post on Mumsnet.

However, I would say for me prayer helps as a focus, in the same way that perhaps writing a list, or talking it over with another person would help. In prayer I can "talk it through" or "down-load" my problems. This makes me feel easier about the problems in my life, and life usually improves.

The cynical could say well it would have anyway, and just by talking about it life got better, or the very religious would say that's the Holy Spirit working for good in our lives!
(examples of my "bad" things would be death of a parent, long-term illness of relative, work issues and the strength to parent well!)

I'm very sorry that something bad has happened to you.
All I can offer in response to your question is that ultimitely this whole life is only a precursor to your real life which is yet to come.
Am I making any sense??
What I mean is...if someone has died for example, they have only moved onto the next life where you will see them again.
Whatever has happened, I hope you can find peace.
Who has your MIL asked to pray for you btw?

I am writing this from an entirely Christian viewpoint.
Things are easier to accept if you accept two other things first:-

1. God is great, that means He is bigger than we can understand. It wouldn't be much of a God if we, with our tiny minds could understand Him.
2. God is good. The Bible says: I have plans for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you.

Also that "all things work together for the good of those who love God" (Romans 8:28). That therefore means that there is nothing that God cannot turn to good, even if we may never understand what that 'good' is. So if you accept those two concepts it is easier to see that there is a bigger picture and that to me makes it easier to accept that this life is not all there is. Once again, I can only speak from a Christian persective. Hope it helps.

TBH, despite being a Christian, I don't find my faith lets me believe that "everything happens for a purpose" if by everything you mean each event that happens in the life of an individual, though I believe there is an overall purpose being worked out in the universe. I also don't believe that "God doesn't give us more than we can cope with", because I don't believe that God either causes the bad things to happen, or who they happen to, or interferes in the course of events by deciding to prevent the bad things.

What I do believe is that I have a source of strength, comfort and support, no matter how bad things get. And that this life is not the only thing we have, so even if things are tough for me in this life there will be something more "after".

I'm not sure if that helps, but I think it stops me from thinking that things are "unfair", because they are simply random, or caused by things that no-one could predict or prevent. So, there's no reason why a bad thing happens to me, or why it doesn't. Life is just like that, whether or not we believe in God.

Having a faith also often makes you part of a community, and that can be a source of support - I hope that your family and friends are being supportive, or at least are listening and acknowledging your pain and anger, I think that is more important than whether or not you have faith in how you manage to cope with the bad stuff.

I meant ultimately there obviously
(sorry - just noticed)

Hi,
Firstly, sorry that something bad has occurred in your life.
I think that it's great that you have come here to ask why?
I went to a Catholic school, but was a cynic until early last year, when I was faced with some extremely difficult times and I was not coping with it very well. I don't know what it was that made me want to pray in the first lace, but something did and I have never looked back.
Even now, I have problems, but I can cope better. That is how it helps me.
I am a very strong believer that everything does happen for a reason and I believe that God does set us "tasks" and we have to learn to cope with them, to make us stronger and it all ties in with a bigger plan. That is just my opinion.
Now I have faith. Not particularly following a religion as such, just following what I feel I am being guided to as the right thing by A God.
Prayer and other forms of worship are different for everyone and have different effects on everyone. I enjoy it as I can get everything off my chest, as you would with a friend, partner, relative or a psychiatrist; and even though I am surrounded by people, it is easy to feel alone.
You should try to just find something, anything, religious or not that helps you come to terms with it. Whether it be 5 minutes of meditation, exercise, prayer or just talking it over.
Your mother in law will cope the same way I do, by praying, but that doesn't mean that it is the only way. God loves us all and ultimately knows what you are going through and will understand and accept how you cope with it, as long as it is for the greater good. You don't have to sit in a church to show your love for Him. As long as you are doing "right" for a higher good, you are following his word.
I hope this helps and I hope you find a way to deal with your troubles and pains soon.

Thanks so much for your responses, I really do appreciate them and they are helping, even though I need to think about them some more too!

Thx again,

Yes it does. I've tried both ways, living without God as a source of comfort, and ranting and raging against the injustice of it all, and turning to God and seeking comfort. Knowing that God loves me no matter what is an amazing feeling.

Accepting what has happened is harder, but after my first experience of rejecting God, and then having everything turn out for the best means that there is a bigger picture I'm not aware of but He is, and that I have to trust him.

Same as Mary's comment. I've had some absolutely horrifying things happen, but a faith in God has kept me going during the bad times and given me strength when I thought I had none left.

Without Him, it would have just been the bad stuff, and me trying to cope with it.

So, yes, it's helped me a huge huge amount.

No

But it gives me the strength and self belief in my own humanity and sense of injustice to be able to fight those things I cannot accept instead.

It does help me to understand when bad things happen: that God gave my boys to me because I can care for their SN for example, but not blindly accept no.

No, but it gives me someone to shout at.

Does my dd find that having a mum means it is easier to accept pain and disability? Perhaps not, but it means someone is there for her.

I am so sorry something bad has happened.

All I can offer is that IME, many things which I thought at the time were 'bad' have in retrospect turned out not to be bad, but in a strange way the start of something good, although it is often diffucult impossible to see this at the time. I'm sorry as this probably isn't very helpful for where you are right now. I only ever saw the good things in hindsight. But I now try to trust and accept, and not get stressed when things go wrong. Just trust that things will improve and work out in the long term. I hope this helps, and sorry not to be more helpful.

God moves in mysterious ways sometimes.