A terrible night last night, would appreciate prayer

[shaken]

I've changed my name, as I may have posted about this before. DH has the occasional night terror, he will scream, leap out of bed and occasionally hurt himself on the furniture in the room - he's usually dreaming that someone has come into the house, we are under attack or something.

I can calm him down with a quiet word, an arm around him and he will get back in bed and go back to sleep. I, on the other hand, am very shaken by being woken so suddenly and take ages to go back to sleep again.

Last night was different. He woke, shouting, and appeared to be angry with me. I tried to calm him, but he was getting more and more agitated. We were both standing by the bed and he was still shouting, I can't remember what, but he was getting more and more angry and I was worried the children might hear. I took hold of his arm and shook him, to try and wake him.

He then hit me across the face, and I fell to the floor against the door. I can remember exactly what he said next:, "so this is where it starts, is it? The 1st of January? Get on the bed!!" I was so shaken. I stood up and said to him, "do you know who I am?" repeatedly. He said that he did, he knew exactly who I was.

I came downstairs, sobbing, after some time he came down, half woken up, not knowing what had happened. I told him what he had done, and it dawned on him then. he wanted to get out of the house (this is 2am) and clear his head, I told him not to leave, to stay downstairs for a while while I went back to bed, still shaking and crying.

After about 15 mins he came back up, he was distraught, ashamed of himself. He told me what he had been dreaming, that I had been planning to KILL HIM, and that it was New Years Day and I had attacked him.

I am still shaking while typing this, but we are Christians, and I believe this to be a spiritual attack on us, as DH has never/would never lay a hand on me or the children and I would appreciate some prayer over us as a family. I would usually tell my mother about DHs night terrors, but I don't feel I can tell anyone about this, which is why I am typing it here.

Thank you if you have read this far.

Of course I will think of you in my prayers but it also sounds like he could do with speaking to the GP or someone about it.

It must have been very frightening for both of you

Blimey Shaken, what a horrible experience for both of you, but particularly for you.

What will you do now? I mean you can't risk this type of thing happening again, will your DH see a doctor?

I will pray for you too, try to persuade him to go and get some help....there has been documentaries on this sort of behaviour so it is not uncommon, it must be horrendous for you both.

Hope you ok, will say a prayer. Also think that maybe he should see his gp

am not religious so I'm afraid I don't much believe in the notion that there is a spiritual involvement here.

But I think he needs professional help. From a gp, perhaps a psychiatrist. And in the meantime you need to ensure that you keep yourself safe. Perhaps separate bedrooms until he can get some help?

Are you absolutely sure he was asleep?

Is your DH under any stress?

My DH has night terrors as well, and although he has never physically touched me, he can be very rude and aggressive with what he says to me.....but I know its not him speaking....and he feels dreadful when he wakes up. Some of his dreams are very odd too and there are no clues where they come from IYKWIM. He dreamt he ran me over in the car once....another time it was something awful happening to DD....most are about losing control in the car and that sort of thing. Horrible. With my DH it is all linked to his stress levels (I suffer from anxiety so I think he internalises his stress. I do all I can to try and get him to talk if things are difficult...easier said than done I appreciate.

Perhaps a GP or counsellor can help? Or someone at your church?

Praying for you and your family shaken. Can you speak to your vicar about this? I also second the idea to speak to your dh's gp because there may be a physical underlying reason for this - always worth getting it checked out as it isn't normal night time behaviour?

thank you for replying - I don't know if he will go to a GP, we will have to sit down and talk about it, not sure if he would want to share this at church, he may do.

LittleMissNorty, has your DH seen a GP for this?

I really don't think he is under a great deal of stress, yes his job can be demanding - thinking now, it COULD be that he has 2 weeks off over the Christmas break and totally unwound, then getting back to work last week could have done it, but it is the NATURE of the dream that worries me.

Wannabe, yes I'm positive he was asleep, he wasn't aware of his actions (in the past he has tried to SAVE me from the house burning down, in his dream, of course)

Whatever else you do and whether or not you get moral support from your church, please look at this as night terrors.

DS had advanced night terrors often. It is the weirdest thing, because you cannot understand someone so loud and vehement being asleep. DS used to scream very negatove things at me typicaly 'no mummy' for ages.

It is common, and a physical thing. The sufferer cannot help it, and it is not indicative of any underlying psychological feelings about the target of the terror.

Also - we found - in common with many parents of child night terror sufferers - that intervening, even trying to calm and soothe, simply results in more provocation and a longer more pronounced attack. Steering clear, ensuring they cannot hutrt themselves and not talking makes the attack end sooner.

Good luck with this - but truly, just because itm seems weird adn other worldly, it is a common condition of sleep.

I think night terrors most often occur when the sufferer (not that they actually suffer! DS never remembered a thing about it, and always woke calm and hapy) is over-tired or a bit feverish or ill.

Shaken - really, there is no need to worry about the nature of the dream - and it is nothing to be ashamed of, either.

If he won't go to the GP, then you go and talk about it.

No, my DH hasn't seen anyone about it. But I'm pretty sure his is inherited....his dad used to get them, and his brother does as well, and he's had them all his life.

The nature of his terrors is horrible sometimes and we / I have no idea where they come from but we've had some pretty strange ones too...including ones we laugh about (shouting at me for not holding the shelves up!!). But some, he can't even bring himself to tell me about .

Although he insists he is awake sometimes, he clearly isn't, but I have gotten used to it. I have to say, I don't know what I would do if he hurt me.

I also am not religious so seek scientific explanations and stress does strange things to people. My DH is very good at not telling me his worries.....but I have learnt that these are always related to stress levels.

I think the best thing you can do is talk about it as openly and as honestly as you can....and try not to be frightened of it. When I first met DH it terrified me, but when it happens now, I take control, turn the lights on etc (mild ones I just "wake up darling and go back to sleep ) and wait until I'm sure he is awake.

Mind you, as I said, I've never had him touch me.....and you and he need to discuss that one properly.....that might be what makes him realise he needs to speak to someone else.

I am praying for and for your precious family sweetheart. You must have been so so frightened. You must seek prayer and counsel from people you trust in your church. God will protect you. xxxx

What an awful experience Shaken.
It sounds almost as if you are ashamed to admit that it has happened, but whether this is a spiritual attack or a purely physical thing, it is nothing to blame yourself for.
It needs dealing with though, on both the physical and the spititual level.
I never hold with the people who say, for instance, that Christians should not suffer from depression any more than I hold with people saying that Christians should not wear spectacles.
So yes, we will pray for you and your husband and I would encourage you to share it with a real life friend from church too so she can pray with you, but also, and at the same time, seek help from the gp. Your husband really should agree to this, his commitment as a Christian husband is to love you and care for you as he does for himself. Shame should not come into it, it's happened and it needs dealing with.
Every blessing

whatever you may think it is I think your responsibility is first for the safety of your children and also for yourself, it seems to be your husband needs appropriate and professional help

I am sorry you are going through this

I'd like to add my prayers too, how frightening this must be for you and your DH?

I think night terrors differ from nightmares in that with night terrors, the sufferer doesn't retain any memory of what happened?

I do think he needs to get help, though. Can you have a chat with your vicar or a pastoral assistant you feel comfortable with, maybe they can talk to your DH and persuade him to seek medical advice?

Aw, here have my prayers as well.

It's really scary when your partner has night terrors. I started a thread in Sleep not so long ago as my partner has also physically hurt me a few times now in his sleep.

He refuses to see someone but i spoke to our gp who has said this is common and he needs to see a sleep clinic.

I will try to find my thread as there was some fab info on there. You can read my story on there as well.

Good grief i think he needs to see someone about this. If he is delusional he could really hurt you. There may be some medication he can take. for you and your family but please don't block this out.

here is the link to my thread about my partners sleep habits.

This is a recognised medical condition. It can be dangerous, because he is not in control of his actions. He needs urgent referral to a sleep specialist, it is nothing to be ashamed of - it is a medical problem like any other. For your sake, and the sake of your children he must get urgent help.

He is not his "real self" when these attacks happen.

TBH, if he really cares about you and his children, he will seek professional help.

I really hope that prayer will help to give you both the strength to seek help.

Thanks again, and thanks for that link IDTCS, I don't think it's sleep apnoea either - DH doesn't want to see anyone about this, at the moment anyway, maybe I will have to share it in confidence alone.

DH was very guilt-ridden and a bouquet arrived at work today (I never get flowers!).

I really appreciate your thoughts and prayers, and feel much calmer now.

I'm glad you feel calmer now.

Do you think that your partner may be unwilling to see someone because he is ashamed that he hurt you?
Perhaps printing some literature or discussing it with your vicar first would help him to realise it's beyond his control but can be helped.

I'm pleased for you that he is so sorry in a funny kind of way. He sounds like he really does care for you.
Praying for a peaceful night for both. x

hi shaken am glad things are better now, am asking archangel michael to protect you and your family xx

Hi, shaken. Do you know the St Michael prayer? Holy Michael Archangel, defend us in the day of battle, be our safeguard against the wickedness and snares of the devil. May God rebuke him, we humbly pray, and do thou, prince of the heavenly host, by the power of God thrust down to hell Satan and all wicked spirits who wander through the world or the ruin of souls. Some might find this old-fashioned, but confess I always find it very strong and fierce and comforting, even if 'Satan' is not a real but a metaphorical name for all we dread. Dcs like it too when scared. I shall say it for you.