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Philosophy/religion

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Original poster

How to start explaining religion to a 4 year old - Agnostic household

42 replies

cuppycakesong · 07/01/2009 17:07

Hi everyone. My dc go to a Church of England School and are starting to ask questions about Jesus, Angels and so on. We are agnostic parents but we understand that the school is not; I'd like to say we support the school from that point of view, but to be perfectly honest, it's more a case of tolerating this aspect of an otherwise lovely school. My view on religion is that it is a private matter and will raise my children to be respectful of everybody elses beliefs. I realise that children want answers to their questions and vagueness in not an option. However, I must admit I do not feel prepared to answer some of their questions. Anyway. What I was going to as is, do any of you know of any really good books that give us Agnostic/Atheist parents some good guidelines to talk about this to our children? Thank you all.

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Sycamoretree · 07/01/2009 17:24

Dunno, but watching thread with interest as had similar issues when DD 3 did her first nativity at nursery at Christmas.

I did a lot of "some people believe" and then told the story.

Luckily she didn't ask me whether DH and I were in the category of the "some people" who believed...

ponygirl17 · 07/01/2009 17:30

I do the "some people believe' thing too, then tell my kids it is up to then what they want to believe. Thankfully where I am religion is not forced upon them at school. So far ds1 has only learnt the basics in History for dates.

Original poster

cuppycakesong · 07/01/2009 17:42

But how do you explain what an angel is? And what about death?

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IorekByrnison · 07/01/2009 17:48

Had this with my 3 year old the other day who was asking "where do people go when they die". I muttered something like "nobody really knows, although some people believe they go to heaven". She thought for a bit then said "I think they go to heaven". Agnosticism is deeply unsatisfying to the small child who wants answers - will be watching this thread with interest.

With angels, I would be inclined to show them paintings and start the discussion there.

ponygirl17 · 07/01/2009 17:50

I say an Angel is a spirit with wings that looks after you, us etc. Could either come from heaven or they are just there, everywhere. I suppose it is hard if you do not believe anything, I believe some stuff so it helps. They all know what they look like in pictures so that is normally enough.

Death I explain that when we die we are no longer here, in the house etc but if I die I will be up in heaven and will be looking after my kids for ever. I don't especially believe in heaven but do believe in some kind of afterlife so just find putting a name to it like heaven helps a little for them to understand, but they are still young - between 4-9 so it is a little difficult. I try to be as honest as I can about what the majority of people think, but explain that maybe I do not believe the same as for example their grandparents, but I never belittle what someone else believes, (except for sucide bombers) nor do I push what I believe.

ponygirl17 · 07/01/2009 17:53

Angels "They all know what they look like in pictures so that is normally enough"
Well normally enough for my kids at the moment... may have difficulty elaborating. I do however refer to the bible as a story book!! I wonder how many people that would upset?

ponygirl17 · 07/01/2009 17:53

Spoo · 07/01/2009 17:53

I tell my kids that when people die they go to the stars. I like this idea although I am not religious I believe that my dad 'looks down on me'.

Original poster

cuppycakesong · 07/01/2009 17:56

Spoo, I like that too.

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Spoo · 07/01/2009 18:21

It has caused more questions like; how do you get there? What happens if you die during the day? but it seems to have satisfied our DSs with the afterlife bit. It came from the Lion King when Simba's dad talks to him from the stars.

Original poster

cuppycakesong · 08/01/2009 07:34

OK, so back to my initial question, does anybody know of any inspiring books (or even a website)that would give us agnostics/atheists some guidelines?

I cannot deny that believing in something helps explain things to children, but faith cannot be turned on and off.

IorekByrnison, you're absolutely right in saying that Agnosticism is deeply unsatisfying to the small child who wants answers, but as Agnosticism is, in my opinion, as valid and worthy of respect as any other belief out there, it is all the more important to find a 'satisfying' way of explaining it to children.

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HallelujahHeisBorntoMary · 08/01/2009 07:43

I don't know of any that will help you explain it to your children. I could probably come up with some that would help you understand and THEN you could explain it to your children??? Or I can ask around if no-one else can help on this.

Have you thought about asking either the school or the vicar?

OggsdogisaBadWolf · 08/01/2009 07:50

It's doesn't come at it specifically from an atheist/agnostic viewpoint but I've found this book useful.

It at least gives an equal introduction to most religions (Judaism, Christianity, Islam, Hinduism, Buddhism, Sikhism, Shinto, Taoism) rather than having a Christian bias.

I've used this from an early age to try to explain that lots of people believe in different things and some don't believe in anything apart from each other.

Original poster

cuppycakesong · 08/01/2009 13:19

HallelujahHeisBorntoMary, thanks for your reply but I don't get it. Why would I want to ask a vicar???? And also, what's there for me to understand?? I am not confused about anything. Am I giving that impression???

OggsdogisaBadWolf, I'll have a look at that book, thanks, although a children's summary on the religions of the world is only half the issue here.

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Sycamoretree · 08/01/2009 15:09

Cuppy - perhaps your conversion is iminent?

MrsBadger · 08/01/2009 15:21

you could always start from the historical point of view - 'Jesus was a man who lived a long time ago...' and work up from there

MaryBS · 08/01/2009 16:19

I meant ask a vicar for a book he'd recommend for you.

And as for not understanding, I didn't mean that in a bad way, I meant if she'd learned something at school, had questions and you weren't sure how to answer it!

I was just trying to help, not convert anyone!!!!! I'll butt out now...

dilbertina · 08/01/2009 16:44

Cuppycakesong, I'm having same issue at moment, dd's current favourite question is "can I go to Bethlehem to see Jesus?" and "Is Jesus dead then?" .... I've gone with the "some people believe" type approach and tried to put different viewpoints.

As far as explaining death goes I quite like "badgers parting gifts" where badgers body gets worn out and tired and one night he goes "down the long tunnel (where he's not in pain anymore)" his friends are sad but after a while remember things he taught them and start remembering him with happiness not sadness....sniff! I quite like this approach as leaves things quite open.

here

KerryMumbles · 08/01/2009 16:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CoteDAzur · 08/01/2009 17:00

cuppy - What I intend to say when DD (3) starts asking these questions is to tell her "These are stories that some adults believe in, like the stories in the books", but it might not be the best idea for you, because whatever you tell your DC, they are bound to repeat at school.

KerryMumbles · 08/01/2009 17:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Astarte · 08/01/2009 17:05

My Dd has not asked any more questions after this one...

Dd- why do people go to church?

Me - to talk to their God and to ask for help in being good.

Dd - why don't we go?

Me - we don't need to sweetheart, we're already good.

Never been mentioned again, job's a gud 'un

GrimmaTheNome · 08/01/2009 17:10

To take a different slant, I think its important to make sure you have the counterbalances in place. Make sure you take them to science museums, planetariums, zoos, hunt fossils - give them a good grounding in reality. When DD was 5 and little friend said something about God making the flowers, DD stared bemusedly and said, no, they evolved! (etc, with me trying to be diplomatic and not impose my views on either child).

On death - again one can be somewhat practical. We got DD goldfish when she was 2. Goldfish die. They get buried under the honeysuckle and their molecules feed the plant. We also read Badgers Parting Gifts a lot when great-uncle died when DD was about 3. Good recommendation.

When both grandpas died when she was 6, and the dog a couple of years later, we grieved without any superstitions arising.

JaneLumley · 09/01/2009 12:05

Grimma, we're RC and my kids love the Natural History Museum and ds was at one point Briitain's greatest living dinosuar expert - we're not all creationists and acutally most of us aren't.

But I worry about the word 'reality' in your post. I think imagination and stories are good too, including stories about T Rexes as well as angels, and what after all is wrong with a few rituals, such as putting up the Christmas tree? Not meaning this flamily.

Original poster

cuppycakesong · 09/01/2009 14:31

You know, I really love the fact that there are so many like-minded people here. I wish I knew at least a few in 'real' life!! I feel the only way to discuss these issues is via an anonimous forum. Everyone I know is a believer. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that, but I do feel isolated sometimes. I wouldn't dare raising these issues with any of the school mums. Is being an agnostic/atheist taboo??

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