Advice needed re Jewish mourning please.

[luckylady74]

My friend's mum died this morning and the funeral is tomorrow morning at the other end of the country from me so she suggested I come at the weekend when they'll still be sitting 'shivah' I think is what she said.

My questions that I didn't wantr to bother her with are - is there an appropriate gift/ dress (head covered?)/ anything I need to avoid? An explanation of what shivah involves for her would be good too.
She's not orthodox and she's not the newest modern section of the religion - as in I remember the women sit upstairs still, but I can't remember what it's called - that's no help is it?

Thanks if you can help.

is she reform? liberal?

shiva is the official period of mourning, and the mourners observe certain rites, wearing a torn piece of clothing, to mirror the tear in your heart from the loss of your loved one, wearing non leather shoes , to show you are not going out, and sit on special low chairs, prayers are said usually of an evening, but sometimes more

head covering not necessary, but dress respectfully .

wish the mourners 'a long life' , it is appropriate to take food ( veggie or kosher if they are observant of the kashrut laws) ,

shivah is a time for the mourners to reflect on the loss of their loved one, to have a structured pattern to mourning and allow people to visit and grieve with them.

HTH

Thank you - I'm in a tis because I knew her mum well when I was a teenager so it's shaken me up a bit. Being able to bring food maskes me feel better!

Lulu has covered everything - there may well be prayers in the evening but usually people "sit" in the day/are at home

Mirrors and screens are usually covered up so don't be surprised if you see this

don't take flowers - this is not a usual Jewish custom

Don't sit on the low chairs ...

Thank god you said that - I would be on a chair I just know it!
My/her friends who aren't going were wanting to send flowers - would anything else be better- or just cards/letters?

cards and letters are very comforting

food is usually most welcome as Lulu says

Also i fyou have n't gone yet its also appropriate to talk about the deceased to the mourner - its a concpet of comforting the mourner and by talking about the deceased - particularly if they ahve done soemthing nice or memorable for you - its the done thing to talke about it /share.