Catholic? I need your advice...

[Zebraa]

I'm 26 and a somewhat Catholic, by that I mean I have always believed but haven't been to a Sunday mass, confession etc. since my primary school days. However, I've been feeling a little 'lost' lately and also feeling like I have so much to be thankful for, and so have been giving some thought to going to mass on a Sunday and also confession.

Possibly a stupid question, but can I just go along to confession and Sunday mass this Sunday without contacting our Rev beforehand?

And if you do have an annulment you are free to remarry, as both my parents have done.

So if things just did not work out you are banished forever?

If so - DD has been baptised Catholic, is it too late to change?!

Not necessarily. Like I said, you can take their rules or you can feck them off.

As a practising catholic I say feck them off. Jesus would never banish anyone. He would never turn anyone away at the altar. So just go. He would welcome you with open arms. Feck the judgementalists - Jesus hated them!

Thanks Cliff. The damage done by priests will not alter some opinions. It is a shame, as one of my priests was barred from the local pub and then moved on - I'm sure he would have been more tolerant.

So i can go for communion with a clear conscience? or do I have to recount many years of sins first?

It was much easier when I was 8 and my sins included not saying please and thank you!

sorry to hijack, saw this thread and thought I'd pose a question.

My young Catholic friend married fairly soon out of school, has a young son and recently was told by her husband that he doesn't think he loves her anymore.

Her kneejerk reaction was to flee to a one bedroom flat with son. Her mother is giving her grief about not being able to marry again and have children, and that she should never have left family home (which was my initial reaction but I was not about to tell her that).

I am angry at my friends mum for putting the emotional/religious blackmail screws on her, She feels that everyone is telling her what to do, she feels she can't speak to anyone and even when she managed to get a chance to speak to her dh he was saying she couldn't go back to family home now that she's calmed down a bit. I've suggested speaking to someone at her church specialised in family support or to an independent family mediation service - both to see if reconciliation would work and if not to try to make separation as painless as possible.

I say to her what kind of loving God will not allow her to have another relationship and family, when it was her dh that decided he wanted out? As I am not Catholic I wondered if anyone could give me any tips on how best I can support her?

sorry once again for the hijack

Zebraa - I went back to church after many years, and also did my first confession for 15 or so years. It was a pretty massive sin that I'd been carrying around for some time. Priest did not bat an eyelid (although I went to church for a few months to be sure I was 'happy' with the priest) and I felt so much better.

I've never bothered about who can take communion/who can't. I used to go to a fairly liberal church (Jesuits) who couldn't give a toss what you had done, or what religion you were - used to pray that Rome would allow women priests/married priests etc. One of the girls in my old school had a baby while still at school and her LO was baptised and welcomed into the church like anyone else. I think a lot depends on the priest and community. In big churches no one is going to know anyway.

Yes unless prior marriage annulled by the Church. This is not a "Catholic" divorce but a statemant decreeing that the marriage never was. This takes time and investigation by the a Tribunal to acertain why the person thinks they were never really married...

Sorry to high-jack the thread - but do parents alsays have to go to confession before their child's first confession?

I know DH won't want to do this,as he thinks he's massivly sinned (DS born out of wedlock etc)and has ishoooos, and I'm not Catholic.

"no-one is going to know"

Apparently not an excuse! Macmam will judge, as will the Pope!

I married at 19 because of my catholic faith, I am now divorced and re-married.

Macmam - what becomes of those Catholics who live together or have a child outside of wedlock and consider themselves catholic?

I am former RC divorced and remarried, and, knowing the Catholic church's stance on this, have joined the Church of England. Which of course, has its own problems, but I was welcomed with open arms (personally I think my vicar regards me as a 'scalp' ).

I'm going to go along to Sunday Mass this week and I will sit at the back and see how I feel afterwards. If I feel comfortable enough, I'll talk to the priest afterwards.

I just remember the last time I had faith was before I lost a very close loved one and I lost my innocence and felt I wasn't going to be fooled and it has taken me years to get to the point I'm at now.

Sorry, I am still feeling a bit hazy about this: Can a catholic who has sinned, be it divorce, sex before marriage, abortion, etc. receive holy communion?

I don't want to ask the priest such questions on my first visit and I feel quite confused about it all.

Santa - she can see her priest and explain that her dh left her. They will offer marriage guidance, if her h won't go that's more evidence on her side. They do try their best to support a marriage and stop it from falling apart, but they also know that if one party refuses then there is nothing more they can do. I'm sure they will let her move on. Also, if she's living by herself and is not seeing anyone else, then she can still receive communion as she is not commiting adultery. However if he is seeing someone else then he is, and that is grounds for annulment.

zebra - if you sin, it's not just against the church, you sin against yourself. There are some things that the church deem to be sinful that are no longer considered so. For instance you wouldn't confess that you are living with a man and having sex before marriage - yet in the eyes of the catholic church that is still a sin.

Officially you are meant to cleanse yourself of sin before you receive communion, so that you are in the purest state. However the priest is not going to interrogate you at the altar is he?

If your conscience is bothering you and you'd like to get past sins off your chest, then I do recommend you go to communion. You do feel a lot better for it, you feel 'cleansed', like a weight has been lifted and you are in a better state of mind to receive him at communion. The priest is not there to condemn or to judge, he is there to listen and to absolve you in the name of Jesus. And of course whatever you say in the confessional cannot go any further, they take an oath on that.

There are certain circumstances in which you are not supposed to receive communion such as if you are divorced or if you are not a baptised catholic.

So to answer your question zebra - no you are not supposed to until you have been to confession and have been absolved. In the case of divorce however, if you are in another relationship then in the church's eyes you are repeatedly sinning, so confession would be of no use as you cannot be absolved of something you are not truly repentful for.

Oh and when I was living with dh before we got married, we both still went to church and received communion. Our priest knew and was happy with it. In fact he married us a year later!

Thank you. I'll go to confession and then to Mass and see how I feel and if I feel ready and stuff.

IMO i think it's down to you Zebraa. If you feel your conscience needs you have confession before receiving then you should.

I also had baby outside of wedlock and co habited with dh. Ds was baptised before we were married in the same church. I never confessed this because I felt it was right for me and could never think the act which led to me having my ds a 'sin'. I'm sure I've been judged by some but then isn't being 'judgemental' also a 'sin', so don't worry about others.
If you want to confess then do it because you are regretful and truely sorry, not because you think you 'have to'.

Hi CocoaCloset, am not judging anyone, nor I suspect is the Pope. Am just a mortal, trying like everyone else to live the best possible life. If you consider yourself Catholic and are living with a partner then who am I to say you're not or that you shouldn't. But in terms of being in full "communion" with the Church as far as receiving Holy Communion is concerned then you shouldn't(it is the body, blood, soul and divinity of Our Lord). That doesn't mean you can't still go to mass and seek to deepen your faith. Ultimately although it's your conscience that decides your conscience has to be informed. Otherwise you're just kidding yourself on.

I posted a thread a few months ago, asking the situation on confession and abortion.
I myself, had an abortion when I was 16 years old, it was a very unstable time in my life where I wasn't even talking to my parents.
I'm now in my thirties and asked what would happen if I confessed now? Would I be Ex Communicated? From the advice I recieved, it was suggested that I go to a different church to confess. I am still trying to conjure up the guts to do this! I'm petrified but it is something that I am going to do.

Smoothie:
Even the grumpiest of grumpy priests from the most conservative parish in the world couldn't excommunicate someone for mistakes they wish they'd avoided when they were a traumatised teenager.

Maybe I'm naive but surely the whole point of Confession is saying to God: 1. I messed up 2. I'm sorry 3. Please help me not to do it again.

Just go. Wherever. Once they've absolved you, it's a sin for the priest to willingly remember any of the things you've told him.

Thankyou Marigoretti, I actually feel comforted by your words. I will now confess sooner than later.

Message withdrawn

smoothie, totally agree with MariaGoretti here. ALL of us screw up as teenagers (and in my case in adulthood too). priests will have heard much worse things and I've always been amazed by how loving and tolerant the response was even when I was shaking at having to tell all.

Zebra, santa - in answer to what Zebra said all of us receiving communion are sinners, and it's just that some of us have hoped to turn our backs on it.

It took me AGES though, and my confessor was very patient and didn't cut me off from the sacraments - it honestly took 5 years for me to reach the point where I could say that I wanted to stop and change things.

It took St Augustine even longer and he used to pray 'Oh, God, give me chastity, but don't give it yet!' Be patient with yourself. The church will be.

Thanks Jane