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advice from Catholic MN-ers... long, sorry!

7 replies

unconfirmed · 09/12/2008 17:11

Please could I have some non-judgemental advice about this, as it's starting to bother me. I'm a regular poster but have name-changed for this as it's more sensitive than my usual posts.

I was brought up as a Catholic, and received the sacraments of baptism and communion at the usual points. I come from a strongly Catholic family, very active in the local parish, although my family were always happy for myself and my siblings to make our own However, when I was 15 and we started preparing for confirmation at school, I decided not to be confirmed. To be honest, this was far more because I really hated my school, the teachers were largely useless, I didn't really identify with anyone, and so opting out of confirmation was far more a rebellion against the school than against the Catholic faith.

In common with many people, my attendance at Mass throughout my 20s was sporadic to say the least, but I would always describe myself as a Catholic, which for me was as much a social descriptor as a religious one.

Fast forward 20 years, and I do feel as though my faith has been reaffirmed to some degree. All my children have been baptised into the Catholic church, and attend a Catholic primary school. Increasingly, I'm becoming involved in the parish and I feel very welcome and very much at home.

I know it sounds weird but I had really forgotten that I'd never been confirmed, but now I've remembered and it's bugging me. I know the obvious thing would be to go and see my (lovely, very approachable) parish priest and talk to him about it, but given that my husband is a non-Catholic, I'm really scared that this means I've had my babies baptised under false pretences, and that therefore they shouldn't be at the faith school.... and that by talking to our priest, I'll open up a huge can of worms.

I realise that if you believe that God can see everything and is all-knowing, then He knows and so it isn't really a secret. But in practical day to day terms, what are the implications of this?

Please could anyone advise?

OP posts:
unconfirmed · 09/12/2008 17:12

sorry... that should have been 'happy for my siblings and I to make our own decisions about our faith'.

OP posts:
Joolyjoolyjoo · 09/12/2008 17:18

I don't think your priest will bother at all! My DH is non-catholic, and I am a not exactly devout, but IME the catholic church were more than happy to accept our children into the fold. The fact that you attend mass is probably of far more significance than your lack of confirmation. I was confirmed at aged 11, and am still not sure of it's significance , so I imagine your priest will be happy that your faith means enough to you to ask about it, if he seems at all approachable.

foxytocin · 09/12/2008 17:21

heavens, you are worried over 'nothing' if you ask me. go have a chat with your priest. i am sure he'd be very pleased to hear that you have made this spiritual journey and will be more than happy to officially 'confirm' you.

clapton · 09/12/2008 17:24

That will not happen, I know somebody who was in the same situation who had children in catholic school etc. She plucked up the courage to see the parish priest and was confirmed. She was made to feel very welcome and the priest was more than happy to do it and support her. Good luck

Lizzylou · 09/12/2008 17:24

Shouldn't think it would be a problem, my DH is non-catholic and my two boys are baptise (only recently) and DS1 attends local Catholic school.
I really think the Catholic Church has moved on a lot tbh

frogs · 09/12/2008 17:25

As long as your parish priest is sensible, it shouldn't be a huge deal. I managed to miss confirmation ( changed schools and countries and somehow slipped through the net) and had it done in my 20s. I don't think your children's baptism would be an issue, if you're bringing them up as Catholics, then you haven't had them baptised under false pretences, have you?

There are loads of people whose marriages are not valid in the eyes of the church (mine, for example, and I'm not alone), priests know and are pragmatic about it. Let's face it, the church is losing parishioners hand over fist, so it would be unwise of them to start being arsey about the ones they do have. Obviously there are a few individual priests who might be difficult, but if yours is lovely and approachable, it shouldn't be an issue.

Most likely they will encourage you to join in for all or part of the RCIA course (they usually have a program starting in the autumn which culminates in baptism/communion/confirmation at Easter, which might be a nice thing to do.

Really don't worry, I'm sure you're not alone, and I'm sure the priest and the parish will be supportive to you.

ceciliaaherne · 09/12/2008 17:26

If your priest is anything like ours he will be delighted. You didn't have your children baptised under false pretences, you chose this for them because it was what you felt was right, and when they are older, they will make their own decisions as you have done. I think it is a lovely, affirming thing to do and you will be really glad you did it. At your stage now, you are doing it for the right reasons, not the reasons that a teenager might have for doing it, and it means all the more for it. So pleased for you- pass some of your conviction on to me please.

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