Getting ready for church and breastfeeding- such a stress

[designergirl]

Hi.We have 3 girls - 5 yrs,2 yrs and a 4 months ols baby. It takes us forever (seems like) to get us all ready for church. We are usually 15-20 mins late but as the worship service goes on for an hour it's not too bad. Last week was terrible, we got up around 7am, but everything went wrong. I startd preparing food for after service (to try and be super organized), burnt it and started again. Had sorted out clothes for kiids to wear but had a bad day with baby on Sat so hadn't had time to iron them, and then noticed that one was dirty so had to find something else, a shirt got burnt while ironing, and breastfed baby 3 times.The morning was terrible, much worse than usual. We thought, well we know we're going to be late (service starts at 10.30) but we'll just go anyway, better to go late than not at all, and service often doesn't finish til 1pm anyway.
We got there at 11.20am and found there was a visiting preacher. Later in the sermon I took baby out as she was unsettled. I went to the car and breatfed her there. Dh told me later that while I was outside with baby the preacher singled us out, talked about the family arriving late and how we shld be on time, and the woman has the ability to dress the children, not the man etc etc. dh was very upset about being singled out like that, and we know that we were late, and it is sth we are trying to do sth about tbh.

I feel really upset bcse we are struggling to get o/selves all ready for church and our church is all open plan, they have a screen behing which I can go and breastfeed the baby, but I don't like doing this as baby still cries until I feed her and I feel a bit embarrassed. That's why I try and feed her just before we go, in the hope that she might last some time.

I do normally dress the kids, but as I was cooking this morning dh did it, and personally I don't thinki God cares who dresses the kids. This Sunday we're going to sleep in and relax, as dh works hard and I'm exhausted with 3 young children, and getting dd1 up for school. Next week we're going to looki for somewhere else- not so we can turn up late all the time, but so we don't get condemned for trying our best.

Does anyone have an example of a great church service that caters for everyone's needs, eg nursing mums, children etc. and can anyone tell me what their Sunday morning routine goes like.

Sorry it's so long, just needed a rant!

Sorry about typos, typed in a rush. baby sleeping at moment and everyone is occupied!

They sound very unaccepting
I would be livid

Not a churchgoer myself, but my tuppence-worth:

10.30-1.00 seems like a very long time to expect a family with young children to sit quietly to me. How do other families cope with this?

Also a bit that you have to go and sit behind a screen to bf.

I would definitely look for somewhere more accepting and tolerant, and I would also let your current church know why you are going somewhere else.

Firstly, I would find another church! God doesn't care what time you arrive at his 'home' so why should the preacher?

He has no right to comment on who should or shouldn't dress the kids either. ignorant so and so.

I always bf my baby in church. I am now on bfing my second one in church. In the first pew, on the far left, thank you. My priest has never commented though I am sure he's noticed. If he ever did comment negatively, I would ask him how he thought baby Jesus was fed. Do all mums leave in order to feed their babies?

As for helping with your routine, maybe not to your taste but dd, no we all wear 'wash and wear' clothing to church. The only thing that get ironed in chez foxy is work clothes.

Give everyone a small breakfast of toast and cheese for example or say porridge and some juice. DD when she was younger and ate like a bird, always needed a 'top up' during church and I used to take plain Digestives for her. Never had a comment about those either and was meticulous about not leaving crumbs behind. YOu cna also eat larger at lunchtime. If I am preparing a large meal for a few people sometimes would roast a chicken (for example) at night (not necessarily about going to church) so that everything else faster to complete the following day.

Poor you!

Ofcourse god doesn't care what your Dc's are wearing. I couldn't possibly go to a church where anybody might raise an eyebrown as to how my chilren look. (DS1 has a fondness for a partucular pair of jeans that are literally falling apart - lol)

Actually I think it's a very weird comment to say a man doesn't have the ability to dress children. - Ane singleing you out is just hidious!

Do you mind asking me what denomination this church is?

Enjoy your lie in tomorow!

OK, well frankly the visiting preacher is just rude imo. Sorry, but he has no idea of your circumstances whatsoever - you can't just single out anyone is a church that you don't know. What if you had just suffered a bereavement that week for (extreme) example.

I think that actually the main pressure in terms of Sunday morning especially when you are facing a longish service, is in terms of what to do about food/lunch. Our church always has snacks including sandwiches and fruit for the under 5s, as they cannot last out that long. I also set myself low targets in respect of Sunday lunch if it is a busy morning (and I think that all of yours are likely to be busy for a while!). We have another family coming over to lunch this Sunday and I've warned them that they'll be having pizza! Or I'll do a casserole on Sat and reheat on Sunday.

you know, if Jesus ministered to the lepers, prostitutes as well as the wealthy and the fortunate, do you really think he ever put bfing women at the back of the crowd / down in the gully, to feed their babies. as I said. ignorant so and so.

I can't believe the preacher singled you out - thats really off.. could you have a word with your pastor and just tell him/her how this made you feel - its important the church has feedback as to how they cater for families... Maybe have a think what would be easier for you as a family and go from there - what are your expectations?? btw I completely agree God doesn't care how you are dressed..
I think you have the right idea - getting stuff ready the night before - put out clothes, breakfast things etc
Hang in there - I'm sure it will get easier - but please have a word with your pastor.

I'm the only one at moment with a nursing baby. There's only a few young chidren and the church doesn't even have a separate room for them, so they take them in the church minibus down the road to a house that belongs to the pastor. I do trust the man and woman who do the children's church, but that's another thing.It's not an ideal situation as if anything happens with kids (ie. sick, discipline problem,etc.) they are stuck there for the duration of the service. Also I can't trust everyone else on the road, there's always risk of an accident.
A few families have three/four children but they're all teenagers now, so they've probably forgotten what it's like when they're so little.
What upset me even more was my dh said that some members of the congregation nodded their heads when he said that. (and he won't tell me who they are...)

Good grief, there is always people turning up late for our services, no-one bats an eyelid!

And no, God doesn't care who dresses the kids he just cares that you've made the effort to come

Same as Foxytocin, I bf ds in Church whereever I am sat. A couple of times I have taken him downstairs and fed him in the creche but only when he's being seriously fidgety and noisy.
I remember once feeding ds with a young male student sat next to me, don't think he even noticed!
Oh and one of the curates like to stroke ds's hair while I was feeding him and tell me what a great thing I was doing
She like to reminisce about feeding her 2 now grown up dcs, I think!

Def preacher in the wrong. Not what Jesus would do at all and he probably needs telling!
I have never had a problem bfing in Church and when the new baby comes next week I will do it all again. In my jeans too - God does not care what you are wearing.
To give example of our morning service as requested:
10.45 start - traditional worship in the Church, contemporary worship in the hall. Creche for 0-5 yo if required but they are welcome in normal services too. We have joint services sometimes too.
In the hall - start off altogether, break for 3 different activity options - little kids stuff, something active/creative and something thoughtful (can be sermon, bible study, singing, discussion) then get back together again for the last bit.
Coffee served afterwards for everyone from both services and kids run riot in the hall.
Where do you live dg and a MNer may be able to suggest a service?

Its a non-denominational "charismatic" church.

I live in Bolton,Greater Manchester. I did ask where I cld feed baby as I feel embarrassed feeding in publc in church, even tho I've bf all three of my girls I've never got the hang of discreet feeding!! And I don't want to offend anyone. The car is in the car park and very quiet and so I feel a bit comfortable there.

I'm not sure what special ability it takes to put clothes on a child. men dress themselves all the time. Or perhaps I shld do that as well ha ha.

i'd have a real problem with my child being taken down the road to someone's house. pastor or no. I would like to go there on your behalf and ask if the people who look after the children in the house have recieved their CRB check from OFSTED ~ to stir things a bit but legally, they have to be security checked if they are being left alone with children. Never mind if they knew children's first aid, etc.

I am wondering if some worshippers are not leaving their children in the care of others so the parents go to church and I am wondering how many other families have come and left due to this hostile attitude towards children. Our priest loves having children in church and now and then, there is a fractious one in the back and he once said something nice about the noise of one who was kicking off.

We have a 'children's liturgy' during Mass where the sermon is given to the children in child speak and they get a something to colour in or take home etc, for reinforcement. About 25 children from say 4 - 10 tootle off for 20 mins or so during Mass. It is held in the adjoining chapel.

It's true as well, he had no idea why we were late. We might have been helping someone in a car accident or anything. I think God is more concerned about the motives of people's hearts than external things like this. Jesus was harder on people laying heavy burdens on other people and judging them than genuine, worn out families with young children, who really need all the support they can get.

They do have the CRB, but tbh I think we have madeup our mind that we will look for another Church that is a bit more family friendly.As they only have a few young kids it would be nice for my children to mix with a lot of kids their own age.

There are now 5 nursing mums at our church and all 5 babies get BF at least once during the service. It's quite funny when it's all at the same time People have commented, but in a nice way.

Our service starts at 11 am and goes on sometimes until 12.30. Yours sounds excessively long.

It's quite a small church actually, I did say to dh maybe we need to go to a big church where no-one notices you, so you can just slip in the back row if you happen to be late.At the moment as there are five of us now, the usher has to set out a whole new row of chairs for us!!

Agree you need a new Church dg. Can you ask for recommendations from and friends kids have at school/childcare?

Yeah, I think that's part of the problem. It starts at 10.30am and worship lasts for one hour. Then the pastor starts preaching usually around 11.30 until 12.30.It finishes around 12.30, but we have to wait for kids to come back from children's church. (We did go and pick them up from the house one time as baby was seriously not settled and that was okay)Most people stay for coffee/tea til 1pm ish

Yeah, thanks everyone for your encouragement.I def will ask other people. I do go to the baby group of another church, so I might ask about services there.
I have to go now as baby has woken up, but please carry on adding your comments/suggestions, I will join in again sometime today.

Oh didn't explain what my church does. We have 4 services, 9.15, 11am, 6pm and 8pm - though it drops to 2 services a day during the holidays.

9.15 is the all ages service - there is a bit aimed at the kids before the main sermon then the children go off to their respective groups (which are age dependent). The younger groups are in the church - there is a creche for 0-3yo as well. The 2 oldest groups go to the Youth Centre down the road. But it is entirely voluntatry whether the kids go to the groups or not AFAIK. Some kids don't and stay in the service. DS now goes to creche because he is far too active to just sit on my knee as he wants to be on the move all the time.

Children are welcome at the 11am service, but most families tend to go to the earlier one.

Does your morning have to be so stressful?

We just tumble out of the door on a Sunday morning. Sometimes I am a bit embarrassed about the clothing combinations of my children, but I don't let it get to me too much.

When I had little ones, I just breastfed them from my seat (which is generally near the front of church). Do you really ahve a screen to hide behind in your church?

I found that everyone was very helpful and willing to look after toddlers for us, so we didn't feel we had to do it all alone - that is really the whole point of the Christian faith, after all.

As for food afterwards, we have been known to go home via the McDonald's Drive Thru (I'm not proud of it - but it has happened a few times over the years). If we are not having a big Sunday lunch, I find that baked potatoes are great (let them cook on the timer while you are out), or whip up some pancakes.

I work for a church as a childrens worker and I cannot believe how you have been treated that is truely wrong.To comment on someones lateness is rude and the service is way too long you should reallyt tell the leadership team why your leaving because they have a seriously bad attutude

Sunday mornings are a nightmare in my house! we just about scrape to church in time for me to set up work but my dd ( 3) has at least 3 tantrums before leaving and son always fills his nappy just as were going through the door. and we always have pasta or pizza for lunch!

in our church the children start the children in mini church and stay for most of the service we do a tailored programme with a snack and a drink and have loads of fun.I also make sure that I begin with a time of play because I know what a nightmare it is to get to church on time!

I breast fed my son in church and that wasn't a problem but there are quiet rooms which you can use to feed if you would prefer.
where about are you as I have a lot of friends that are childrens workers and they are always family friendly!