Discussing baptism with 8yo - for him to choose. Any ideas?

[gigglewitch]

We chose not to have our dc baptised as babies, preferring to educate them as they grew old enough to understand and choose for themselves. Have just started discussing this, over the last few months with ds1...
am stuck.

.

Stuck on what? He is still rather young to make such a decision for himself isn't he?

pretty much that. How old before he can make an informed choice - but whilst he's still a child IYSWIM... don't want to leave it til he's in his teens.
And how to get it over to him in the best way as we're not regular churchgoers - but would be willing to be again.

Why do you want him to be baptised?

I would say ask your minister about baptism or confirmation classes.

his personality sort of suggests that he has a big spiritual need. It isn't school-brainwashing, he's a philosophical sort of child, and I wonder whether he might find some of the answers from the church

Well tbh I'm not sure that a child can really make that sort of informed choice. But I suspect that it depends on how you see baptism? If you see it as a sign of dying to oneself and your sinful nature to be resurrected to new life in Christ, then I would say that that is a decision for someone older.

I guess personally I would see it as a life choice - this will now be the faith to which he holds. So I would expect him to be close to if not in adulthood.

If you see it more as a general welcome to a faith community into which you hope he will grow and identify with, then you may wish to look at ages when children are seen to come of age in other religions. So in the Catholic church a child would be able to have their first communion around the age of 8, though confirmation (when they affirm the vows made at their infant baptism) isn't until they are 12-15. Similarly a bar mitzphah is around 13.

Why do you want him baptised whilst he is still a child?

Have a chat to your local churches and see what is on offer. He is old enough to join Crusaders or something similar and have a chance to explore his beliefs.

thanks LM, food for thought.
Yes the faith and community things, I just think that if he does this soon-ish then he will make a path into it; if it is 'left' until he is teenage or adult then there's less chance of it working for him. Am not entirely sure why I think this, perhaps more of 'habit' and 'lifestyle' choices perhaps.
To me it is part of a parent's responsibility - although i didn't want to be taking the decision for him as a baby, more with him as a little person.

If you want him to take himself to baptism then you really do have to leave the decision up to him. He has to make the promises for himself.

What you can do is take him to church regularly and pray for discipleship.

At the time our son was eight we were worshipping in a Baptist church and after a baptism ds said he wanted to be baptised too:- he loved Jesus and wanted to show that. The minister refused. He has never been baptised, although he worships at a baptist church. I think the way in is through church attendance, see how you go with that, so ds can make a decision for himself.

I have a friend who chose for herself when she was 7. She is now in her early 30s and a minister. Her faith sustained her throughout her teens. Her parents weren't churchgoers and this DID cause problems initially.

I totally disagree that a child is too young at 8. A child CAN be too young at 8, but that isn't always the case. What does he say himself?

I think you can only really move forward by taking him to church regularly and discussing issues about faith as they come up - if he wants to do it, then it will follow naturally from that. FWIW I don't think 8 is old enough (for most people) to make a decision about having a faith, and think that any kind of committment from the individual should wait until teens at least.

Oddly though, I have no problem with infant baptism, because that is clearly the parents choice and is a statement of the parents intentions to bring the child up to have some knowledge of Christianity, rather than being about the child's intentions.

I'm happy to be in a church which will admit children to communion without having to be confirmed, leaving them free to take a full part in church services without making their own committment until they are old enough to do it with a more mature understanding.

Why does it have to be a baptism into a Christian based faith? If you are allowing your children to be educated and choose for themselves they need all the options. There is a good book called 'All kinds of Beliefs' which introduces children to different ideas. He might suit a different philosophy to answer his questions and give him discipline to his life. I would suggest a trip to the library... or good bookshop first.

From personal experience childhood belief alters as you grow. Mine certainly has including an atheistic stance in my teens, commited christian 0
and now more eclectic since I draw on the wisdom of many faiths and philosophies in what I now believe and live by.

Baptism now may not set him up for life as it were which is why many leave it later to make a firm commitment.

Sorry about the 0 after commited christian dd was helping me type!

Baptism is the rite of initiation in the Christian church, Alder.

I am a little confused. Are you wanting an infant baptism where you make the promises, or do you want him to make the decision to be baptised.

Ultimately you can take him to church, but he will just want to please you. I don't children are capable of independent belief until they are in their teens. Ie. They have hormones and are large and its next to impossible to get them to do anything they don't want.

I suggest you find a child friendly church and take him along. (Ie. a church with good children's activites)

It is hard in that eight years old is a difficult age. The child is old enough to talk and express opinons, but they are still a baby in many ways. I think that infant baptism would be fine at his age, provided that he is happy. He is just not mature enough to make those kind of promises.

thanks all. Especially for the positive and thoughtful way that you have all put your points across

Particularly feel - for me - that aldertree's post is spot on, will defo get hold of that book as you have hit the nail on the head. I hoped, or perhaps wanted, to explore with him what different types of faith would offer him. The christian leaning is from my own upbringing, so i suppose inevitable really.

MBW, he says that he is interested in it all and wants to do and find out more. This is partly because he attends a childrens club at our local C of E church, and Cubs at a Catholic church. I'm trying to follow his lead, be supportive, but am quietly (I hope) happy that he has chosen to look into faiths and spiritual aspects of life.

I know baptism is initiation into a Christian church. My response was based on the fact Gigglewitch appear to be unsure of how to proceed and seemed to want to ensure her children have a broad understanding before making a decision.

I picked the wrong word or should have put 'baptism' as a sort of catch all.

FWIW my son goes to a CoE school. We have lots of religion discussions, usually in the car on the way to parties! The religious diet he gets at school is in my opinion a good grounding for understanding right and wrong, the existence of different faiths, Christmas, prayer, worship and the idea there is something more than our material world. I have no qualms telling him I don' t actually know what that other is or that other people might think differently to him.