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Philosophy/religion

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Original poster

What would you do if your dc didn't want to go to church?

61 replies

beansmum · 29/11/2008 21:18

ds is 4. I left a church I wasn't happy with a few months ago and haven't really found anywhere else. There are a couple of churches that I like but they have hardly any children, so the few that are there just sit in the service. ds has said he doesn't want to go to church tomorrow, and tbh I don't really get anything out of it when he is bored and whiny and fidgeting around the whole time.

Is there any solution? Do I just keep dragging him along, or leave him with someone if I can, or stay at home with him? It's only a short term problem, we're moving soon, but I'd like to be able to go to church over Christmas.

OP posts:
Reallytired · 02/12/2008 18:23

Why are athestist on this thread. The poster never asked athetists to post. The comments completely irrelevent to the other poster. Clearly taking her children to church is important to the other poster. She has posted in "Philosophy / religion / spirituality " rather than "Am I being unreasonable".

Many of the athetists on this thread are forever bleating about lack of tolerance to their views when many athetist posters show a total lack of tolerance to families with a faith.

The OP clearly wants to bring her child up as a christian. Like it or not its perfectly legal. Beansmum is not forcing her relgion on you or your children.

All children follow the beliefs of their parents. Children aren't really capable of independent relgious thought until they hit their teens. The children of athetists are no different.

You might find that your children that you brought up as athetists join the Hari Kristnas or shock horror become Christians.

My FIL really wonders what he did wrong, that inspite of spending hours telling his children that god does not exist and financially supporting his children to study science to degree level, that both his children became Christians.

purpleturtle · 02/12/2008 18:39

really tired - please look at the correct spelling of atheist. It comes from the greek word theos, which means god, and has no t in the middle of it. The a on the front of atheist makes it mean 'no god'.

I know this post seems incredibly pedantic, but you're beginning to wind people up now.

CoteDAzur · 02/12/2008 18:54

ReallyTired - What on earth is an "athetist"?

My post was directed at you. Not at OP. I do respect her and your beliefs. Of course you will bring your children up according to your beliefs, I am not criticising it at all.

My question to you was: How do you know your DS (4) has spiritual needs? And do you really believe he has "decided" what he believes in, given that you immersed him in Christianity at such an early age?

I'm sincerely interested in your response.

Original poster
beansmum · 02/12/2008 19:20

Reallytired - I don't want to bring my child up as a Christian. I want to go to church, with or without ds. I was just wondering how to manage this.

OP posts:
Smithagain · 02/12/2008 19:51

Sorry to hear you haven't found a new church yet beansmum. I remember your threads about leaving the old one.

Don't know what to suggest except keep shopping around for one which does have child-friendly things going on. I have a 3 and 6 yo who enjoy coming to our middle-of-the-road Methodist church. The older people make a fuss of them, there's plenty to see and the kids group is small but friendly. And yes, I believe their spiritual needs are met, judging by some of the comments even my 3yo comes out with.

In the meantime, can you arm yourself with as much child-entertaining equipment as you can and explain firmly to him that going to church is especially important to you during Advent/Christmas and you will be going together. And afterwards he can have a "insert treat of choice"

Reallytired · 02/12/2008 20:08

Would it be worth investiagaing churches with mid week services. Our church has a mid week service at 10am on a thursay morning. Its a short said service with little more than communion and a couple of prayers. Prehaps you could go while your son is at pre school.

Or if money permits could you not send him off to an activity like football or rugby or stagecoach on a sunday morning when he is slightly older.

Original poster
beansmum · 02/12/2008 20:08

I haven't been trying particularly hard to find one tbh. About twice a month we just sleep in on a Sunday! Maybe that would be a good compromise, we could carry on going every fortnight instead of every week unless ds wants to go more often. I'll try and find some little toys to take along as well, and some treats for the walk home.

OP posts:
amerryscot · 02/12/2008 20:12

A 4-year old should not dictate to you what they should be doing. You are the adult.

BuckwheatPillow · 02/12/2008 20:14

Why do threads always end in arguements and spelling corrections?

Reallytired · 02/12/2008 20:22

People correct spellings when they have totally and utterly lost any arguement. I think beansmum's solution is very sensible.

I am glad that her four year old allows her to have a lie in. My son still gets up at hideous o'clock and jumps on us until we get him breakfast.

CoteDAzur · 02/12/2008 20:31

You haven't answered anything ReallyTired, so it is a bit rich of you to say people have "lost" the argument which hasn't even started yet.

You keep saying "athetist". People pointed out that there was no such thing. Learn from your mistake and move on. Towards the questions you were asked, if at all possible.

Original poster
beansmum · 02/12/2008 20:52

Well, I get to lie in until 9am (if I'm very lucky). But I have to share my bed with a boy, a dog (who needs to be taken out for a pee at about 6am even on a Sunday) and various pointy bits of playmobil.

OP posts:
ohnoherewego · 03/12/2008 13:22

Hullygully, why?

goldFAQinsenceandmyrrh · 03/12/2008 13:24

ermmmm - drag 'em along anyhow as I wouldn't leave them without an organist

Sorry not very helpful

hullygully · 03/12/2008 19:04

Ohno - that was just a pantomime response in the spirit of nearly Christmas. I wasn't making mock of anything, but why should kids or adults have something imposed on them just because the person with power over them wants to impose it? Be it church or morris dancing?

amerryscot · 03/12/2008 20:03

Children shouldn't be feral, hully. They should rely on strong parents to do what is right by them.

hullygully · 03/12/2008 20:15

What if the strong parents believe that sparing the rod spoils the child? It's hardly a failsafe method of child rearing.

cat64 · 03/12/2008 20:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Colditz · 03/12/2008 20:22

ReallyTired, the poster has not asked Christians specifically to post on this thread, and nor is she asking advice on how to make her son go to church. She is asking advice on how to manage going to church when he son doesn't wish to go, and she has received many helpful answers, including those from yourself.

People do indeed correct spellings when they have lost an argument. They also correct spellings when they have won an argument. They also, especially round here, correct spellings whenever they see a misspelling.

From a non-religious standpoint, I am baffled as to why you have taken a question about child management and turned it into a bunfight about religion. This section of Mumsnet is NOT entirely for religion and spirituality, it is ALSO for philosophy, and Atheism is a genuine philosophical standpoint. Atheists are no less valid simply because they choose not to believe in any gods.

As to your rather insulting question about how an Atheist would feel if their child became a dedicated Christian - my answer is that I wouldn't care as long as they were happy, because Atheism is NOT a religion. It is NOT a set of rules by which to live your life, so becoming a Christian, or a Hindu, or a Muslim does not offend our non-gods - we don't believe there is anyone to offend. I find it an insult to my child rearing methods that you would presume I would react negatively to anything bringing my child such happiness as I have seen religious people feel.

amerryscot · 03/12/2008 20:41

Colditz,

I always try to carefully read the OP's post and figure out how they can achieve as full a life as possible - not an empty one, devoid of the fullness of human potential spirituality.

I doubt they would start a topic on getting their child to church if it were not important to them.

It is really quite offensive to come from it from the dark angle.

Colditz · 03/12/2008 20:54

It's not about getting her child to church, I thought you said you had read the OP?

"If he still doesn't want to go I don't really want to force him, I think 4 is quite old enough to know when you are not enjoying something and he'll not be getting anything out of it if he's bored."

How is a child of 4 not achieving his human potential spirituality if he isn't being made to go to church and sit through a service that bores him? How?

devoutsceptic · 03/12/2008 20:58

Well, I'd be incredibly disappointed if my kids became religious. What a failure on my part.

amerryscot · 03/12/2008 21:03

What a literally incredible situation. Why would any parent let their values be dictated by a 4 year old.

Talk about feral.

Original poster
beansmum · 03/12/2008 21:09

How rude. Not that I'm completely sure what you are on about...

OP posts:
AMumInScotland · 04/12/2008 10:15

beansmum - I'm not clear who's insulting who on here any more, or quite why...

But I think your idea of going once a fortnight, taking something quiet but interesting for him to play with, and making sure he gets a treat on the way home sounds like a good way to proceed.

Once you've moved, you can look into the local churches with a view to finding one which will also suit him, until he is old enough to either leave at home or have another activity on a Sunday.