Well done from me too, peanut
rev, sorry to hear about all you are going through - I hope that solutions/better times are coming soon for you.
It is interesting, and relieving, to hear that others also have negative feeling during or after meditating. I have been really down in the dumps the past couple of days and I associate it with the negative feelings I felt while doing the yoga. Yesterday though I sat outside in the sun and read the book for a while and it talked about just sitting with your feelings instead of trying to fight against them. In fact it mentioned a poem (sorry to all those who have read the book)that was written by someone called Rumi in the 13th century:
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meaness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guesst honourably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark though, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
This poem is a bit of an inspiration for me now, and today I am feeling quite a lot beeter.