Question for C of E mumsnetters

[crokky]

The vicar came round a few nights ago as I had enquired about a Christening. I believe in God, although I am not a regular church attender and do not have in depth knowledge in this area. DH and I had talked about taking the DCs (2yo and baby) to the monthly child friendly services and it is something that we decided we wanted to do. (Although after the vicar came round, I'm not sure I want to anymore).

When the vicar found out that my mum was divorced, she was visibly horrified and rather off with my mum (who was at my house).

What I would like to know is this:

My mum was married to my dad for 35 years, it was abusive - she suffered personally, had to watch us kids getting beaten for no reason etc etc. There's a lot more, but you get the picture - it was very bad. My mum now lives a quiet life as a [divorced] pensioner and spends her time with her family, helping out in any way she can. She lives with her partner, although is not married because to do that would have left her in poverty (due to state pension rights). She is a good person - so

Question

Does the Church really hate her so much? Why? I just don't understand. She is the victim of abuse. I don't think I want to sit in Church with people who think my mum is some kind of sinner. I would prefer just to have my own belief in God and stay at home and bring my children up this way. I don't know what to do and would like opinions.

Thanks for any help.

I don't believe that God or the wider CofE church would have a problem with your Mum not being married to your Dad.

Personally I believe that God would have seen the end of your parents marriage as the time when he started abusing her, he broke his vows to your mother, he broke his promise to God.

I don't believe God cares about the piece of paper that said she is divorced.

I am that there are still so called representatives of the Church of England that can give us such a bad name. I am sorry for your experience with this vicar.

Do you know if this is the Vicar who runs the childrens services? if not it may be worth going and seeing if you get on with the other vicar.
FWIW I don't like our vicar at all he is pmpus but we have a great curate and I find that balances out the vicar!

My CofE vicar would never treat someone like that. I would definitely fo find another C of E church.

Thanks for your reply - it has made me feel better because I know now that it is not the entire Church of England that is unhappy with my mum, it is just this vicar. I think if she brings it up, I will say to her what you have said in your post of 11:45. I think I will go along and give it another chance. It's not something I really want to go through with the vicar because my mum has let all the hate [that she felt for my dad] go and she doesn't dwell on it. I have also tried to put it aside and we do see my dad and he will be invited to the Christening so I do not want any bad feeling (neither does my mum). It's about having my children Christened anyway, not about the past! It's just the fact they are divorced is obvious when they are with new partners.

Most of the C of E would say she'd done the right thing and be supportive of her. Sorry you've got such an odd one for a vicar!

I would look for a more sympathetic church/congregation as it's not down to a human to judge on what happened in the past - only God can do that. FWIW, my parents attend a church occasionally where the vicar herself is divorced (she has spoken about this quite openly from the pulpit) and that is quite a 'High' CofE Church.

So sad at the reaction of your vicar, can't quite understand it.
I don't worship at a Church of England, but at a Baptist Church which of course does not 'do' infant baptism, but a welcoming and dedication service. It depends what you want for your children, Christian upbringing and the involvement of the church, or 'just' a ceremony in church but not a lot of involvement.
If this is the only church that is practical for you (for whatever reason) I would find out a bit more by going along to the services and seeing whether there is maybe somebody else who shares the ministry.

My vicar is divorced/remarried, I am training as a Lay Reader, and am divorced/remarried. And I was remarried in a C of E church.

Yet it was wanting my DC baptised that brought me into the C of E in the first place. That started me going back to church, that led me back to faith.

I am SO sorry you were treated like this, perhaps you also need to point out to her that the sins of the parents are NOT visited on the children, or even the grandchildren. And thats even IF what your mother did was a such a terrible sin - which the vicar clearly believes, but I certainly don't. And that its not her role to judge, but our Father in Heaven. For good measure, you might like to mention millstones round necks !