Am really struggling with faith, would appreciate thoughts, comments etc

[wangle99]

Ok to cut a long story short... parents weren't religious I am not baptised.

Through later childhood and teen years attended various churches mainly Methodist and Catholic (favoured Catholic).

Met DH (not overly religious but considers Christian) married in Methodist, both children christened Methodist.

Only really attend church at Christmas. (and then it is just the children and I).

I struggle to comprehend the bad stuff going on in the world if there 'is' a god although I have prayed before when in need or friends in need etc

Now.. met somebody who is a 'born again Christian' and we have had some really interesting conversations regarding God, Jesus etc.

Now this is the difficult bit, DH and I are going through a VERY difficult patch to the point that we may separate and of course this seems totally frowned upon. If we did separate I think I would get into going back to church EVERY week with the children but would I be welcomed being divorced/separated?

I am so confused over it all. Not really sure what I am expecting from making this post but just wanted to get it all down!

Thank you.

Firstly, sorry to hear about your marriage, that's got to make faith feel pretty strained whatever else you find difficult in it.

I don't know about RC specifically, but I know that most denominations are not that judgemental about marriage breakups any more - most people will just be sad for you, and not frown at all. Even denominations which have a problem with remarriage don't usually have any issue over separation and divorce - there's such a lot of strain on marriages, it's a cause for sadness not judgement.

Your "born again" friend may or may not have quite extreme views on this issue, and others. Some are lovely and welcoming people, others aren't, same as in any part of the church. But if it's her who makes you feel you'll be frowned on then you don't have to believe it.

Thank you for replying AMIS my friend hasn't made me feel it would be frowned upon at all, I just wasn't sure how would be received and I feel that if DH and I do separate then I would return to the church.

I don't know many people IRL who attend church but I feel its something I need to do. (DH reckons I am having a mid life crisis which isn't helping lol)

Just wanted to offer you my support - I'm supposed to be studying , but couldn't let this go... I am divorced/remarried and worried about the exact same thing you did. So much so, I stopped going to church after I was remarried, and only started going again when I had children.

I found a church (Anglican) that was really supportive, and am now in fact training as a Reader or licensed lay minister (the equivalent of a Lay Preacher in the Methodist church).

You MAY find some Christians will be judgemental, but given that you have not been baptised, this may not be so much of an issue for them, weird as it may seem, even though you got married in church.

Personally I feel, its bad enough living in a world where so many awful things happen, but good things DO happen, they just don't make such good reading in the papers! I can't truly say why God lets bad things happen, I can tell you about specific situations where good has come out of bad though. But as to the why... I feel I HAVE to trust him, as he has the bigger picture, otherwise what is the point in being a Christian?

If I can help at all I will... you can cat me.

Certainly no church I've ever been to has been like that, so I don't think you need to worry. Have you thought about going to church more often anyway, even if you don't separate. It can be hard to make sense of faith on your own - even if you disagree with church teachings, it can helpyou to focus on why that is, and what you do believe.

I am a Christian and am also divorced and now happily remarried. I cannot stress how strongly I felt that I wanted to be remarried in a church. We were (dh) and I married in a local Anglican Church. I was the first divorcee to be married in that church, and the vicar had to go through some sort of procedure (not sure of the details) to arrange it. I was married in church first time round.

In my case, and imo, exh broke our marriage vows which left me with no choice but to divorce (domestic violence). It is not a secret that I have been married before, but equally I don't "broadcast" it to church friends or indeed to anyone else.

If you do return to church (if you marriage breaks down) then really it is no one else's business. Most people won't be rude enough to demand to know if you have a dh or where the father of the dc is. Those that do insist on asking you can politely ignore or give a vague answer to.

p.s. I also meant to start that post saying that I was sorry to hear of your troubles. So sorry I launched into my post without acknowledging that first.

Trying to make sense of the bad stuff in the world is the major objection to the Christian faith. You can make sense of it, though, by getting to know God better. To do this, you really have to be part of a caring and supportive Christian community.

Are you and your DH at loggerheads over faith issues, or over other stuff?

If you do separate, it does not mean you cannot return to church. It is probably more important than ever for you to do this. No one will frown upon you. Even the Roman Catholic church will not frown on you - they only really have a problem when you divorce and remarry.

Think of the Parable of the Prodigal Son. The Son lived a very wreckless life, but when he returned home, God rushed to meet him and welcomed him.

Best wishes for your marriage.

I agree, the RIGHT church can be really supportive at times like these.

Is there really no hope for your marriage?

Thank you for your thoughts and comments they are really greatly appreciated.

With regard to my marriage I don't know. DH really has no time for me or the children, he says he will change and he changes for a few days and that is it. He doesn't help me around the house and makes more work than anything and to be honest I am not sure I really care if he changes anymore. I feel like a slave and skivvy!

If he IS willing to change, but struggles to remember to help, maybe draw up a rota? Share the tasks out fairly? Sounds like the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak...

The Church is full of people struggling with relationships (with each other and with God) and failure. We are delighted when someone else like us is drawn to faith (to Jesus really). Come and join us!

I'm not sure whether or not a church will be welcoming or not is the best basis upon which to decide what you think the true answer is to the problem of evil.

Either the Christian answer is true or not.

If it is not true, then you want to do what's best for yourself, your children and the others in your life.

If it is true, then be damned to what will be nice for them in this life, just save as many souls as you can and don't count the cost in pain and misery.

The actual Christian message, what it takes to be saved and remain saved, is pretty extreme and scary when you go into the details. There are no half way houses where you get points for good intentions, so if you go that path, don't kid yourself that there is any meaning to going only part way down it.

Clairwil, that's not a faith I recognise. God taught us that we're to love one another, and to love Him, and that He is there for us during hard times, during pain, during suffering. Not that He causes it or wants it for us. Jesus died for us so that we wouldn't have to suffer death. But he also suffered as much or more than any of us ever will, so He knows what it's like. That's been a comfort to me, not a threat.

Many believe that to be saved, you only have to confess that Jesus is our saviour that you believe. Not very scary at all.

I don't think the OP was trying to find an answer to the problem of evil. She was thinking of going to church more, and wondered whether we thought they would be less welcoming because of her situation.

Personally I believe the Christian message is true, and that it teaches us to do everything we can to help people here and now, regardless of whether they believe in Christ or not. I don't know of any part of the Christian church which teaches that we should ignore the pain and misery of others but concentrate on saving their souls.

do you really think the loving caring Jesus, who befriended the outast and poor, whould not welcome you into church?

don't concentrate on the religeon, concentrate on the faith.

do not EVER let the religeon, be a barrier to your FAITH.

You would be welcomed at the church I go to. Anyone who did not welcome you would not be a true Christian.

The bad stuff in the world is not God's fault. It is all due to evil people I feel.

..or natural disasters and illnesses.

No God? Natural disasters and illnesses, then we die.

God? Natural disasters and illness, His help all the way through it, then heaven.

Works for me.