Religious and non-religious family members - a clash of beliefs - please help

[lavenderbongo]

My Nan is seriously ill in hospital and everyone in the family is doing there best to look after her and my Grandad at this difficult time.

My grandparents appear to have not made any plans for how they would like to be buried. They are not religious although they did attend chapel in Wales as children.

My Aunt is a devout catholic whilst my Mum is an atheist as is my entire family.
My Aunt is demanding that Nan be buried on holy ground and musnt be cremated - whilst my Mum has suggested that she might like her ashes scatterred on a mountain in Wales.

Now I realise that the simplest thing would be to ask my grandparents. But this is not an easy subject to raise with them and my Nan is unfortunatly not entirely with it all the time or capable of making decisions at this point. My Grandad is very difficult to deal with and is obviously going through a difficult time.

So what do we do?
I think we should ask my grandfather what he would like done but I am afraid that my Aunt will railroad my Nan into a religious service and buriel.

I just wanted some advice on how to handle this situation and ask why is it so important to be buried on holy ground and whats wrong with cremation?

anyone?

I think you need to delicately find out what their wishes are and abide by them - regardless of whether it fits with what your Aunty wants. I'm Muslim and if anything happens to me, I want to be buried the way my religion dictates, facing Mecca etc and I would hate to think that my wishes weren't respected iyswim? However, if other people want to be cremated, ashes being scattered on non holy ground etc -that's their right and their choice and I would never impose my beliefs on them so perhaps your Aunty is being a bit here?

I don't know how you will handle it. Families are tricky and there were some dificulties like that in my family, but luckily minor ones. I do think that your aunt should be thinking what your nan might have wanted and not trying to push her religion onto others at a time like this.

I hope that when the time comes your granddad will be able to choose and that will settle it.

For what it's worth I don't think churches still teach that you have to be buried a certain way to get to heaven and there is nothing wrong with cremation. I think the scattered ashes is a lovely idea.

Thanks PussinJC - I do think my Aunt is being a bit selfish here. However she is going through a very rough time.

I just dont understand why she feels so strongly about this and is so set against cremation.

If she is religious, then she would - going back to the ground whole, the way we came into the world etc - if that makes sense? We are not allowed to cremate for that reason - we have to return to the earth - back to God as it were. Does that help?

Ah - I see - thanks PussinJC. Its very tricky coming to this subject from a non-religious background. My Aunt is a very sincere caring person but she honestly believes my children will go to hell as they are not christened. That is a bit tough to take.

Greyriverside - i also like the scattered ashes idea - i also thought that churches where a bit more relaxed now but obviously not all of them.

Well, in my religion non christened children DONT go to hell so relax All a matter of interpretation but a bit that she has voiced it to you like that!

I would just try to find out what the relatives themselves want and then you can be relaxed that you are doing what they wanted. Its very tricky though and I do sympathise and hope that you find a resolution to the situation soon

i think it will end up dependingon force of character. and it seems like your aunt will win out.
also, if she believes in something os firmly, then for her to have her parents ashes scattered would be horrendous. if you look at it from that perspective.
i wish your mother luck in dealing with it. it is after all, a decision between siblings, and tbh, nothing to do with y ou.

fwiw, i recently found out that my dm does not want to be an organ donor. i was rather shocked by this. and i have a feeling that if i died before her, it would really really upset her if i did. this is something completely alien to my thinking, but i would rather she be happy, well, as happy as you can be when burying/cremating your child. iyswim.
if your aunt feels so strongly about this, and no one else has such strong feelings, then it may be better to go with what she wants.