What do you call this? Is it the circle of life?

[pinkponie]

My EXH is from a different country to me. I got manipulated into moving there (in the uk but different country). He was abusive and awful to me. I regret that relationship so much. But if I hadn’t done that and been miserable for those years, I wouldn’t have met my now DH (who I have dc with). I’d do those awful years again to get what I have now. But that aside, what do you call this; a situation or choice you really regret but if you hadn’t done it, you wouldn’t be where you are now?

I tend to believe that everything that happens to me, good or bad, happens for a reason. That's how I move on.

I'm so glad you've found peace now but I don't think the above idea fully applies to you in this situation.

You showed a lot of courage, and now you have a DH and your DC, which is truly special.

My first thought was counterfactual thinking but I suppose that doesn't explain your emotions, which is a much more complicated discussion and one I'm not an expert on!

I don’t believe at all that anything happens for a reason, or that anybody deserves any outcome. My first marriage was daft - why on earth did I marry him? - and yet coming out of it, I was ready at last to be an actual adult and own my choices. So I can’t regret it.

Typically you'd call it Fate or Karma. The bad relationship was paying off a karmic debt so afterwards you could find happiness or you were fated to suffer in the previous relationship but also fated to find happiness in a new one.

I would see it like this: you took control of your life and so were able to take advantage of the opportunity that came your way. Well done and don’t look back any longer than you have too xx

Life happens; we make choices; we live with the consequences of our choices; we either wallow, or we learn, and move on - using our experiences for personal growth, maturity, and maybe, help others. We are all walking along the path of life’s journey: some decide to remain static, some rest awhile before moving on, some are continually advancing. C’est la vie.

All life experiences are catalysts, moving us along a path to discover that which is Real. From your experiences you will know that nothing is permanent in fact impermanent. Including life itself.

I don't believe in fate, but I truly believe that we can learn and grow through bad situations. I don't reget marrying my abusive ex, but have changed as a result, found my courage and voice. I don't regret past decisions, I know I was making the best choice at that time, with all the baggage, emotional mechanisms and maladaptive coping tools I had available in that moment.
Our past selves deserve our compassion.

i am a follower of spiritualism and attend a spiritualist church, which obviously involves the soul contract but i don't follow it because i was brought up in it, i independently started to follow it but even at that, the way i saw it before that was, if xyz didn't happen neither would abc. i've heard it described as the butterfly effect or cause/effect.. an example is, if you're going somewhere that is cash only but forget the cash so you go to the post office to get some and bump into an old schoolfriend who moved away and tells you she has started a new job at a recently opened pub and they need another barmaid so time passes and you're working in the pub and you arrange a date with a customer who you then marry and have a child with in the future, the future you wouldn't have your husband or child if you didn't forget the cash that day and go to the post office iyswim. (sorry if that's hard to follow or longwinded or anything i just thought of it from the top of my head)

Serendipity?

Serendipitous