Need help planning a catholic funeral!

[Totallybannanas]

I haven't been to many funerals and certainly not Catholic ones. Dad only requests are for a catholic funeral, cremation, and chosen songs Time to say goodbye and Nearer to my god be thee. I have no idea what songs .to.choose and how to fit his chosen songs into the service and what order to do things. We aren't having a mass. So I need a entry song, maybe a hymn? songs for reflection and exit song. I guess I can have more of needed. I like make me a channel of your peace, lord of all hopefullness. Dad also love Hallujah by LC. Should I put Time to say goodbye on during the tribute/reflection or at the end of the service? Also should I play Nearer to my god be thee or sing it as a hymn? Also do I have to do a eulogy? I would like to have some words said about dad and his character but I'm not sure I was to read it myself.

Sorry I haven't been to a Catholic funeral-I would think this post may get more replies in the Christian women section, if you do not get an answer here you may want to consider posting in that section.

Traditional Catholic funerals don't actually include a eulogy - they tend to be very religious in content. Though not all Catholic funerals are traditional, of course!

I suggest speaking to the priest who will be officiating at the funeral to find out how they propose to approach it. Otherwise you might spend time planning something that just won't happen.

I'm sorry for your loss.

I thought a mass would be a standard part of a Catholic funeral? The priest will be your best source of information.

Catholic funeral rites and norms are country specific as well - your Catholic funeral in England is very different to Ireland, N Ireland . Priest good starting point. Agree with point re Mass.

Sorry for your loss OP. A Catholic funeral would be one with a requiem mass. If not a mass two songs/hymns might be enough have a chat with the priest who will be able to guide you.

I’m sorry for your loss. The priest will help you with all of this. Take care of yourself and I hope it goes as well as can be expected.

Have you spoken to the priest yet? They would normally have a standard order of service/mass for a funeral and you fit your songs into their template.

Additionally, have you spoken to anyone at the crematorium? Usually there is time for one or two songs there and I wonder whether time to say goodbye might be appropriate at that point?

Again, speak to the priest about a eulogy, if you write it and don’t feel you can read it then he may do so for you.

Im sorry for your loss x

We walked out to Time to Say Goodbye.

However it isn’t a catholic funeral unless there’s a catholic priest, I wouldn’t think. The Funeral Director should be able to guide you. I don’t know whether Catholic priests do services at the crem or on,y in church. I know CofE do both.

A Christian funeral would involve prayers and usually specific liturgy- Now lettest thou thy servant depart in peace…’ is a key part- the Nunc Dimmitus, the Song of Simeon.

I’m sorry for the loss of your dad.

Sorry for your loss.

I'm Irish, was brought up catholic and have been to loads of catholic funerals. However, as a pp said, there are differences by country so my experience may not be relevant.

I have never been to a Catholic funeral that didn't include a funeral mass. In Ireland we have the removal first which is on day 1 but I think that may be Irish rather than catholic specific. On day 2, there is the mass. During the mass, people will bring gifts up during the offertory that represent the life of the deceased. That is a more modern thing as that was not the case when I was a child. Then the sermon is usually replaced by a eulogy which can be done by the priest or a family member. Prayers of the faithful are also done by family members and can be personal to the family. Again, the eulogy and prayers done by family are a more modern thing.

Re hymns - that's very variable so personal choice.

I'm not sure what happens at the cremation part as I've never gone to the crematorium. But generally, when there is a cremation, people go directly there after the funeral mass.

Your best option though would be to talk to the priest and see what he advises.

I'm sorry for your loss.

Maybe speak to your Parish Priest and try to engage an undertaker who organises Catholic funerals ?

https://catholicfunerals.com/planning-a-catholic-funeral-a-step-by-step-guide/

Did you post about this before, quite recently? As people said then, you need to talk to the priest who will be taking the funeral -- there's a fair bit of individual leeway on whether specific individuals will allow non-religious music, for instance, and he will advise on what exactly you need to decide on. Also, if, as I think you said last time, you want to have this in the crematorium rather than in a Catholic church, some different rules may apply. How your your time slot is may limit what you can do, for instance.

I’m very sorry for your loss.
I’ve been to lots of Catholic funerals and there’s always a funeral Mass first, then burial or crematorium.

Sorry, in my reply I had assumed you would have mass in a Catholic Church then travel to the crematorium for the committal, but it seems that Might not be the case. You really do need to speak to your priest and funeral director because all any of us can do is speculate.

If it’s not a Requiem mass then you don’t need many songs
As just about everyone has said the first thing to do is talk to the Priest

He will advice on format and have known favourites on songs etc

Remember to make up a funeral booklet so all those who aren’t Catholic know what to say and when. Local funeral directors can arrange this for you

You must talk to the priest at the church. While we had my mother’s Catholic funeral in the US, I imagine it’s similar here. He was quite strict about what hymns we could use and was very reluctant to let a family member do one particular hymn which the compromise being he could do it as a reading. We also wanted her best friend, a very staunch Catholic herself, speak and the priest was not at all happy about that but did allow it. I didn’t like the ceremony - it was all about God, not about my mother. We had a lunch following when some family members were able to speak.
So before you have your heart set on anything, speak to the church.

Think it’s very much up to the priest
We had Danny Boy at both my parents but the priest changed and the new one wouldn't allow non religious music for my Aunt

( although he was overruled by the Bishop in the end.)

Ps
Ours are not all about God except for during the mass and even then it’s very much focused on the deceased

Ours gave a lovely talk about our family members because he knew them well and saw them almost daily

I didn’t like the ceremony - it was all about God, not about my mother.

That's entirely the norm for a Catholic funeral, especially ones which are focused around a Mass.

Not at any ones I’ve been to and I’ve sadly been to an awful lot here in England and Ireland. Family friends neighbours etc

If
however you’re not a regular parishioner then the priest doesn’t know the deceased and can only say what he’s been told

Handily, with that expression of wishes from your dad, it should be a fairly fill in the blanks exercise.

You’ve got everything you need there to ring up the parish office and ask to talk to someone about arrangements. They’ll be kind and supportive. They’ll almost certainly offer you options to have a lot of influence on the service. However, if you say you would like some suggestions - they’ll probably give you some outlines from others. And then you just swap the hymns / songs / readings out as you wish. Or keep them. The common ones are common because they work well.

And if you’re stumped on where to start, rock up to mass this weekend and ask someone in the foyer.

You don’t have to do a eulogy. The priest will give you the option of them doing it, based off a chat you have with them. Other good options for it are any if your dads friends. Gives them a job.

Time to say goodbye as the reflection music sounds ideal.

Nearer be, I’d suggest doing as a hymn, but with a sung backing track. So it’s singalong rather than just backing music. Solves any issues if half the attendees Dont know it.

If you’ve already had the chat with the parish office and got the outline, welcome to paste it in here or message and happy to help fill it out.

If I had to do this I would be guided by the Catholic Priest who would preside, just to make sure the service was as your DF expected. If you like some particular music or hymns I would ask if they were appropriate and at what point. They will be very helpful.

My FiL had a Catholic funeral last year. It was just part of a daily mass so I found it strange that all these random people who didn't know him were there.

Although he had left a list of hyms the priest vetoed one and chose a different one to tie in with whatever saint's day it was. Also absolutely no pop music allowed in church - that had to be kept for the crematorium.

It was very much dictated to us by the priest even though FiL had left a list of his wishes.

That is quite normal as churches are open to all
Also if you have a removal the night before the coffin sits in the aisle facing the Altar for morning mass if the funeral service is a Reqiuem mass after
But it's not odd as parishioners know whose in the coffin and we’re all just used to that

I think I found it odd because at the church I attend it's all very much about the deceased. This just felt like we were a sideshow to their normal service

Tbh I’ve only ever been to Requiem services
Was your relative a parishioner because if he was then the parishioners at mass wouldn’t have been unknowns to him and

If he was, then the priest would know him well too so I’m surprised he kept to his own choice of music and didn’t honour your relatives

Nevertheless churches are open to all. You can attend weddings aswell if you like.

I'm Irish, living in Ireland, and have been to more funerals than you could shake a stick at. They're still requiem masses, primarily, and not 'about' the dead person in the way that some non-religious services are all about remembering the deceased.