A question about evangelical Christians

[gattocattivo]

A family member joined an independent evangelical church last year. He speaks about it very positively, I have attended a couple of events too and found everyone very welcoming.
one thing I’ve noticed is that people there tend to couple up, get married and have babies very young, Eg it’s not unusual to be married at 21 or 22 (for young men as well as women) and there seem to be several families who have two or more children while still in mid to late 20s.

This got me wondering, is it a religious thing, or cultural, or social? Or a mix? No judgement here, I’m just interested because this is very different to most of that age group in 2025 where young people tend to stay single much longer and even if partnered up, probably wouldn’t start thinking about babies until age 30 or so.

gattocattivo do you have kids yet? I think there can sometimes be too much pressure to have everything just right before having children. Sometimes that means people leave it almost too late. In terms of career, it may mean a slower start but (assuming you don’t continue adding to your family through your 30s too) also means you are not taking breaks for maternity leave mid-career. Not necessarily better but also not necessarily worse.

l had my children in my 30s and love them dearly, but now I am older I am a bit envious of those who had them younger and are now free of the responsibility whilst still having the energy to devote to other things. I was also envious of them having parents young and healthy enough to be more actively involved in their grandchildren (my mum had me in her late 30s too).

Yes, my kids are all grown up now. I had them in my early 30s, certainly wouldn’t have wished I’d had them younger. I wanted a good few years of work under my belt before taking mat leave, though mat leave was much shorter then so not a long break out of the workplace.

I think it must be even harder now though for young couples to start a family young, I wonder how on earth they can afford it aside from anything else

@gattocattivo its a good question. I find a lot of people in these circles have reasonably well off families so I think a lot of family help. There is also a lot of support in the church community. People do a lot of child care and general helping out. They are also often generous by nature. For example when me and my husband were young a couple at church gave us their old car. People would also do things like lend caravans and holiday homes for free. Also sharing of baby things like buggies.

Certainly at our church there is a real sense of family and supporting each other - any pregnancy / birth produces a meal train where others sign up to weeks of a rota providing cooked meals each day, there can be a lot of support with other children, even housework and diy…

how do people afford housing - that I think is increasingly tricky for each new generation, though a number of Christian couples do seem happier to consider cheaper housing rather than being as aspirational as perhaps society would push on them

I would definitely say people see getting married as important so would look at a smaller home/ car. I wouldn't say people in our church are well off, in fact many are struggling financially but things are easier when you are part of a supportive community. Would also second the experience of having a family round you to help with advice, second hand stuff, babysitting etc. Makes having children a much less daunting prospect. I helped a friend with before school care for a few years which most people on here say is a no no as you are being taken advantage of.

DH grew up in an evangelical church and was in a friendship group with three others within the church. All four of them got married within a 12 month period when they were 21. DH had actually left the evangelical church years earlier but had grown up seeing early twenties marriage as completely normal so was happy to get married at that age too. We have been married 12 years and are very happy :)

I do remember a lot of weddings within a year of graduating not just from Christians. It was more that university couples upon graduation would find they reached a crunch of either committing to the relationship (marriage) and perhaps one compromising their career due to needing to be in the same location, or they split and followed careers in different places.

You say you have attended events, but have you actually looked into the teachings of the particular church? Many evangelical churches don’t just preach abstinence until marriage, they abhor birth control within marriage. Women have a responsibility to have babies.

It’s exactly the kind of environment that has young women grow up without adequate education and career prospects. Without the ability to support themselves independently, it is much harder to leave abusive situations. These teachers aren’t just cultural differences, they are dangerous.

@Ponderingwindow I’ve been in and around what would probably be called “evangelical” churches for over 40 years.

I’ve never been aware of any abhorrence of birth control, either from leaders or others. Nor anyone suggesting women have a “responsibility to have babies”. Not been aware of any discouragement aimed at stopping young women gaining an education or career.

This simply hasn’t been my experience at all. 🤔

I don't think I've ever heard a sermon on abstinence. I think we probably discussed it in our church youth group. None of my friends waited until marriage but most waited until they were in a committed relationship. Birth control has never been discouraged in my circles. None of the marriages are abusive that I know of, all seem happy.

Somebody who knows the Bible well points out that there are only two references to sex but loads about economic and social justice.

Guess which Churches obsess about

Me neither. Are we confusing Catholicism here? Or Jesus Christ Latter Day Saints?

My church preaches regularly on issues of social justice and never on sex.

Fascinating to read the smears and mockery by some folk on here of those who, at a young age, decide not to follow the cultural norms and do what they believe is right.

Ref the OP, you are right. Evangelicals tend (though not always) to marry younger than the vast majority of others. For many, it's a case of intentional dating with the expressed intention to get married. The goal is that, marriage, not simply a relationship. That can bring issues as some folk aren't able to relax and enjoy the moment with each other, but the clear intention is there with both parties. Evangelicals may be different to many, but the human instinct of love, romance and partnership are still very present. Marriage is what we believe to be the God given pathway for this.

Regarding children, I would say I never felt any pressure. People are aware of the command to go forth and multiply, and in fairness, there would be a quiet expectation (unsaid) that married couples would have children. However, I do think many more people are aware of fertility issues so I have NEVER heard of people asking inappropriate questions about this. Not saying it doesn't happen, simply not my experience.

What would be extremely unusual is a "child free by choice" couple in Evangelical circles. Again, not saying it doesn't happen, but it would be a tiny number.

Hope this helps OP?

Couldn't possibly be some women making an informed choice that is different to yours?

No no. The women must be uneducated, abused and trapped.

How sad that you feel this way about informed choices that many women in this country choose to make.

If a woman isn’t capable of financially supporting any children she has it is a problem. It makes the woman and her children vulnerable. This is a hill I will die on.

how many women hesitate to leave an abusive man purely because of finances?

im not saying women can’t have lots of children or that women need to make career the most important thing in their life. I’m saying every woman needs enough education and training or if she is lucky independent wealth that if the unexpected happens, she has a way to be independent.

Most married Christian women work too. And they are in a far better position that women who have children without getting married.

We can’t assume the same for everyone in a specific cohort. I had my post-graduate qualification before marriage and babies. There are LOADS of women of no specific faith who have babies without having qualifications.

This is my experience too. Almost all of the christian women that I know are educated to degree level and beyond. Many women do have a period of staying at home or reducing their hours when children are young but they almost always go back to their careers at some point.

I grew up in an evangelical church in the UK many years ago and have kept an eye on what's happening in those circles since leaving the faith. As others say, part of the trend you've seen is due to their emphasis on marriage as 'God given' and the only legitimate way for men and women to have a physical relationship. It's important though to recognize that there is variation. Some more conservative evangelical groups (e.g. Brethren, Elim Pentecostal, some US Southern Baptist) also have more traditional ideas about men and women's roles - women's main role being wife and mother, with limits on the leadership roles they can take in church & downplaying of women's careers. So I guess it's not surprising that young women in those groups might be focused on marriage early, as their adult destiny. You might find some research done in 2011 interesting re. similarities and differences across evangelicals www.eauk.org/church/resources/snapshot/upload/21st-Century-Evangelicals-Data-Report.pdf

Dh grew up in evangelical churches and we attend an evangelical church now. We both went to university and got married when I was 22 and he was 24. Ds1 was born 2 years later. I wasn't aware that there was a trend for evangelical Christians to get married and have babies young. I wanted babies young because DH had young parents and he still had a full set of grandparents when I met him. I wanted that for our children, although unfortunately that didn't happen. Thinking about it most of the people at our church got married and had children young but I hadn't really thought about it before.

Make stupid decisions, risk looking stupid? Believe Genesis is literally true, definitely risk looking stupid?

And I’m aware that not all evangelicals etc— but u til I met some who were biblical literalists, I think I’d have struggled to believe they existed in the guise of apparently otherwise ordinary people.

This is my experience of more evangelical/ committed christians too. Its due to a mix of having strong family values (so getting married and having children and creating a family is a main life goal) and not believing in sex before marriage and being part of a community where marrying young is still common.

This isn't my experience. The Christians I knew who married young and had kids young were all university educated. And lived in a capital city.

On the whole, evangelical church congregations tend more towards being middle class/educated - so much so, that some are worried they’re failing to reach out to the working class communities around them. As such, probably a majority of young people will go to uni/into professions, so it’s not ignorance/misogyny that leads to earlier marriages on the whole (although there are of course more extreme and restrictive churches out there ).

It’s a different attitude towards sex and family that means if you’re in a serious relationship that feels right, you get married as soon as you can. But obviously there are plenty who don’t meet the right person til later. In my experience couples wait a few years for children.