To christen or not to christen?

[BrassicaNapusNapobrassica]

DP and I are unbelievers. We attend church occasionally and rather like it but we are not believers. I consider myself a cultural christian: I enjoy the hymns.

My two elder sons (from my ex husband) were christened in an Anglican church - I was a sceptical believer at the time. After a marriage breakdown and divorce I am now have 2 further children with my DP. We try to be entirely neutral about religion - neither critical of it nor supportive of it (It's difficult to do). My DS2 was recently confirmed by the Bishop - a decision he made all on his own as we are not regular church goers and he does not go to a faith school. DS1 has shown no religious interest.

I am now wondering whether my two small children should be christened? Can anyone give me any guidance, please?

When you ave a baby baptised the parents and Godparents are promising to bring that child up in the christian faith, so based on what you have said I would say not, as that is not your intention. It doesn't mean you can't carry on going to church with them and let them decide for themselves when they get older.

My parents weren't religious and I wasn't christened. I am pleased that they stood up for their own views despite their family pressures to christen us. I looked at my friends who had been christened but never saw the inside of a church and just thought their parents were quite frankly liars. All those promises to someone they never believed in, in the first place, and never did what they promised in the second!

Now as an adult i would definitely say, Why be a hypocrit? what are you trying to teach your children here? that you should do what other people do, follow the herd, even though you are not following your true beliefs.

If you are not religious don't pretend you are for your children's sake, leave them to decide what they want to believe later on. They can become christian or whatever at any point in their life where its actually a genuine thought out belief.

We didn't have ours christened - I am atheist, DW is agnostic and we have no affiliation to any church. It would have seemed odd. We had a "welcoming party" for each child instead.

I think it would seem odd too. My DP thinks we should have them christened as he doesn't want them to be different from everybody else.

Lots of people get married in a church without believing. Strictly speaking hypocritical but also culturally traditional. I don't know how common it is to christen these days.

You have to make a promise on their behalf to reject the devil, renounce evil, and turn to Christ and it doesn't sound like you are in a position to do that. On that basis I wouldn't hold a traditional baptism.

However, not all denominations have baptisms anyway so there are other possibilities if you want to maintain some contact with the church so that your children can decide for themselves, as your DS2 has done now he is older. You can just have a blessing or a naming service. Actually, the C of E will do a blessing or service of thanksgiving, if you want (Link to the C of E website if you are interested). It means that you child is blessed but you don't have to make the promises associated with a baptism, as I understand it.

What is it that is motivating you to think that you should consider having a christening in the first place, if you don't believe? If it is because you think it is the 'done' thing then maybe that is the wrong reason and you shouldn't have one. However, if you think perhaps you should because there is a bit of sceptical believer left then maybe talk to somebody at the church you occasionally go to. They maybe be able to help and I don't think, if you are honest about your true feelings, that they would baptise your children if they trully thought you had no faith at all.

I'm a Christian, and my view is that unless you mean the things you would have to say in the baptism service, then you shouldn't stand up there and say them! You have to talk about turning to Christ and raising the children in the Christian faith. If you don't plan to do that, even if you plan to take them to church sometimes and leave their options open, then don't have them baptised. They won't be unusual in not being baptised - lots of people don't do it now.

If they decide later that they want to get confirmed, like DS2, they can be baptised as part of the same service, no problem.

I am a Christian and was christened as a baby by agnostic parents. They didnt keep the promise they made to bring me up in the faith - somehow I landed up in God's arms anyway.

For years it caused me stress. How could I accept the promises that my parents had made when they hadn't really kept them. Was I really baptised?

2 years ago we moved house and started going to a Baptist church. This gave dh (similar experience, though his mother became a CHristian when he was 6, his dad never did though dh had also been christened as a baby) and I the chance to make up our own minds - our new church did not accept our infant baptism as valid.

So last March both dh and I were baptised as believers by full immersion. We also dedicated the children on that day. It was intensely emotional and something I will never forget.

I think if you don't believe, don't baptise your kids. If you do and they grow up athiests, then what was the point. If you do and and they grow up to be CHristian, they could end up confused, as I did. If you don't, they can make their own decision.

HTH. It was a hard one for me!

Thanks all. I am not keen. But given DS2's confirmation, I was keen to not close doors for my children just because of my own lack of belief. I didn't know, or had forgotten, that you had to make declarations and promises. It's something I could not do and would not pretend to do.

I think as long as you're being supportive of DS2s choice, your younger children will not feel you've closed any doors to them by not having them baptised - they'll see that religion is important to him but not something that everyone does automatically, so they can come to their own conclusions in their own time. When I got confirmed (as an adult) there were others in the group who had never been baptised and we were all treated the same, and encouraged to discuss and think through our beliefs just the same. The only difference was an extra bit in the service to baptise each of them before the confirmations.

Yes but for us oldest two were baptised as babies and youngest two will not be. There is a strong sense of wanting to treat them all the same.

What does DS2 think? After all, he's been through it all..., knows you all and has faith. Just wondered how he saw it.