My church is becoming fundamentalist

[FedUpandEatingChocolate]

I'm not sure quite how to describe the shift my church is making, but it's making me very uncomfortable.

I grew up CofE, and have preferred more 'modern' churches. When we moved to our home town over 10 years ago, the church we found as home is a Baptist church. It was so welcoming and open.

We've loved it there. My dd's have made friends there, I've made friends there, I've worked for the church for 3 years (not anymore), set up a food bank type thing there where I still volunteer weekly. My kids go to social clubs there etc.

However, the Minister changed some years ago now, and it's slowly shifting towards a more fundamentalist view.

There have always been differences within the membership around homosexuality and gender/sex. But recently the more conservative position has been written into the church's position statement.

A month back the Minister quoted JD Vance in his sermon. This week they had a visiting speaker who said that divorce was a sin except in the case of abuse.

Quite a few church members have already left. I feel really torn as it's our church family, but this focus on sexuality and an increasing lean towards the right makes me so uncomfortable.

Just writing this down makes me think I've got to leave the church and find a new one which aligns with my faith.

How does one even go about leaving a church when it's so intertwined with my community and family.

I’d be out of there pdq. You can find a new community where you will feel loved and welcomed, and with whose values you align. I’d not stay anywhere where I didn’t.

Thanks. I'm torn as there are so many lovely people within the church membership whose values align with mine, but I can see more of them leaving if this continues.

Some of the congregation has already left. Where have they gone to? Perhaps they have already found another church where they feel more comfortable. Maybe you could try and find out, and go to a service there so you can see how you feel.

You can't stay where you are. Especially since you have children, and I'm sure you don't want them to be indoctrinated with these bigoted views.

There are two local CofE churches DH and I are going to try. One we think may be too overwhelming for our youngest dd (disabled), but we'll visit them both.

I agree entirely about needing to take our DDs into account - I want them to feel comfortable regardless of their sexuality etc.

I'd leave too. There is no need to make a big show of it. Draw back tactfully. If you wanted to, keep the food bank commitment. Has the social club leader changed because if not the kids could keep going to that but limit those additional events with access to the pastor.

Might also be worth seeing if there is a local Methodist Church as they can have a similar more modern "vibe". But I agree with the PP who suggest finding out where the others who have left have gone.

It is very sad when you have had a community where you felt at home then things start taking on subtle changes because someone needs takes over. My DH and I have felt very happy in our church community and nth felt we had roles where we could serve and be useful. We were encouraged by the leadership team and got on well with all of our small church community. We've just found out, without being told directly, that changes are being made which exclude us from the roles we felt happy and established in. These are voluntary roles where we have happily given up free time and moved around our other commitments. If we had been approached, thanked for our time and commitment, but things are changing now we would have been a bit sad but would have easily accepted the new decisions. The hurtful thing is no -one spoke to us, just changed rotas we are usually part of ...just left us off the rotas. That's how we were left to find out ...by people we consider friends as well as our brothers in Christ. Like you op ...the change of church policy has come about through one new man. I suppose we must now prayerfully consider our position. We would never cause a church rift ...allowing a bitter root to form which destroys many but the lack of kindness and integrity has shaken us a bit so, like you, I suppose we must start to quietly start looking at where we feel comfortably fellowshipping. We can only give it careful, prayerful thought and sadly move on if this seems right. Hope you find a church home you are comfortable in op. 💐🙏

Someone new ...not someone needs in first line 😁

I mean fourth line ...sorry 😁

Does the church community have absolutely no say when this happens? Surely there is a system to challenge these views?

Unfortunately I think Baptist churches can be quite vulnerable to this because the Bible Belt USA Churches are quite influential. I think a lot of horrible and deeply unchristian thought and practice is coming out of the USA at the minute.

Find somewhere you feel at home OP I know it's upsetting.

Instead of leaving, could you go less frequently and see how you feel?

Also, you don't actually have to find another church - you could maintain looser ties with this one.

Can you find out where the leavers have gone to?

Unfortunately the church is only going to be more entrenched in this attitude as time goes by. The sooner you start looking for somewhere else the better.

My childhood church changed very rapidly after getting a new minister, becoming more and more evangelical. My mum left and found a much more relaxed CofE church where she has been made very welcome.

Everyone we were friends with has now left the first church and some of them have left Christianity altogether.

Oh and the new evangelical minister got sacked after being caught shagging the youth pastor.

I've been having similar issues OP except I hadn't been going there as long as you. I'm looking for a new church pronto. If you look on the C of E website A Church Near You, you can see what provisions they have e.g. Children's Service, what type of service they offer (modern, high church etc) and there's also FindAChurch for non-denominational, methodist, baptist churches etc if you want more info on any before you visit (I particularly liked that FindAChurch had car parking info for the churches I've looked at). Of course nothing beats going in person and I hope you find one that's a good fit for you.

@Jabtastic cross posted with you - it was a Baptist church for me as well.

In theory they should be less vulnerable as the church membership is in charge. But in reality no-one wants to stand up and challenge the minister, or be called out for not being biblical enough, and so the madness can take hold very quickly. They also often have exchange visits with American Baptist churches and the theology creeps in.

I wish I had a tenner for every version I've heard of this story, right down to the cheating minister who thinks he's a charismatic cult leader.

I can throw in the leader of Boy's Brigade who was cheating on his disabled wife.
Also the son of the deacon who was quietly asked not to help out at the teen group anymore as the girls thought he was pervy. He went on a mission to help children in Thailand instead so definitely not a perv.

Such a shame, I loved that church, it would be standing room only even on an average Sunday and it was completely wrecked in a couple of years.

You have children and are taking them to a church that has written down its anti-homosexuality message. What if one of your children is LGB? How do you think this is going to make them feel about themselves?

the change might have been slow and unclear, but the day they put things in writing was the day you should have stopped attending.

Have you or OP spoken to the new person who has made the changes? Maybe point out that consultation would be preferable, and that you don't agree with the gender/sexuality/right wing direction he (and it will be a he) is taking the church in. Ask some searching questions as to where the impetus for these changes is coming from, and make it clear you don't agree. Is there a PCC? If so they are there to do more than just rubber stamp the minister's wishes. Can you talk to people on the PCC? At least when you leave it will be known why.

The problem is that the very evangelical churches that practice the most discriminatory religious ideas do not put on their websites anything to make it clear that that is what they believe. The most fundamental ones - that believe men have authority over women, for example, are not transparent about their beliefs. People can belong and be involved for some years before they find out. So take care.
Look out for only male leaders, or women only doing "womens ministry" or youth work, and sexist ideas about womens' roles and marriage. Talk to the minister about all this before you commit.

No need for a lecture @Ponderingwindow. She’s seen the signs and is considering her next move.

I'm not a church goer, but this happened to someone in our extended family last year. They stuck it out too long and there was some real unpleasantness in the end. They contacted one member who had left the congregation to ask where they had gone. Next Sunday they turned up at the new church to find most of the old congregation there and a very welcoming but confused vicar 😆 Vote with your feet op.

That is so sad. It’s hard when it’s like family

there is no way I could stay unless they changed
I would have to leave and be very clear and vocal on why

I hope you find somewhere new which will be more Christ-like and open. I know Jesus would weep at some of the things churches do now (& in the past)

Also agree with a pp - Methodist could be a good option

Why would a church need to make anything, other than the fact they believe the Bible and take it to be God's word, clear? I wouldn't expect a church to list everything the Bible says on their website.

Which is why I said "Nothing beats going in person." 🙂
The two websites I suggested are listings of churches. I was giving OP some information about how she could find out logistical things like the parking/childrens service/type of service info that she might need to filter out those that are a definite "no" before she goes looking into others more deeply. For example, from one of those sites, I decided one church near me was a definite no for me because the only parking nearby was an NCP car park and I don't like them.