Christian but problem with sending children to CoE school

[BlueberryPancake]

I just want to have your opinion really, I need to do a bit of thinking... This is a long message, sorry

I have two children and they are quite young (2.5 and 1 yo) and I consider myself a Christian, although my 'faith' isn't the strongest. We go to church regularly (maybe once - twice a month), and have been for years. We moved to a new area a year ago and they have a really good CoE school, where we have 'decided' to try and get our children into.

Now, going to the new church isn't an 'effort' for us, but it is really high church and I wouldn't choose to go there if it wasn't for the school. I am hving real questions about wether the school is the best thing for our kids. They are very 'traditional' in their views and approaches. I just don't want my children to think that our faith is the 'only one' and the right one - I have a very open mind and a lot of respect for other religions and faiths.

I am anxious that my children will come back home telling me that we are not 'christian' enough, that they will have a very 'naive' view of their own religion, and becoming close minded about other faiths. Practically, I am also nervous about the sexual education, and about the views of the CoE towards homosexuality. I don't want my boys to feel negative about themselves if they are gay or to judge homosexuals in a negative way.

What do you think? Am I right in being concerned? Should we just reconsider our decision and send them to a (very good) local school? Any Christian parents out there who decided to send their kids to a non-faith school because of the same reasons?

Many thanks, I just want to know what you think and help us make a better decision.

BP

doesn't whether a church is "high" or no depend largely on the current priest/vicar? Things may change there.

Also, it depends on what sort of CoE school it is! D1 went to nursery at a CoE school and it was all very laid back to the point that the only way you would know it was a Christian school was that the vicar came in occasionally and they went to church for Christmas and Harvest Festival.

My DSs now go to a Catholic primary where I am a governor - it is very multi racial and has children from other faiths there. I really can't imagine that homosexuality would be brought up as an issue although my boys on 4 and 6 so obviously we haven't encountered that yet.

I shouldn't wory about it too much yet - there is times for lots of things to change

IME, the high-church end of the CofE tend to be much more liberal in their approach to issues like homosexuality.

You need to weigh up what is more significant to you - a good 'academic' education, where you will need to do some filtering of ideas, or whether the ideas themselves cancel out the benefits of the academics.

We had an opportunity to send ours to a private Christian school at one point, and we decided against it because we felt that their religious education was our job as parents, and we didn't want that delegated to someone else.

Local schools have little to do with the church - there is no way they would be able to hire enough "high church" teachers! They will all be from a variety of backgrounds.

Personally thought it sounds like you need to re-think the church attendance, rather than the school. It might be better to get a decent church, with a good Sunday school, rather than have your children in the current parish, if you are uncomfortable.

Personally I am in a v. high church but am vocal in my liberal opinion - I think that I am just as much a part of the parish as the rest of them! Even if I am the only liberal! Although if they opt for the new anti-women sub-church we might be hot-footing it somewhere slightly ... lower....

Actually with the school, it is the Head that sets the tone more than the parish priest - what are they like?

Agree with KayHarker - IME High Anglicanism is excellent on inclusiveness in general, but with an occasional nasty sting in the tail - sometimes anti-women priests . That regrettable caveat apart I'd be wary of concluding that bells and smells = social and political smallmindedness and bigotry.
To be on the safe side I would be looking to see which other local churches are also feeders for the school. Some schools explicitly state they take from more than one local parish. Certainly in London it is not unusual for even quite oversubscribed C of E schools to give consideration to families who live locally but worship at another nearby parish church.
But I'd start by doing a bit of research on the vicar and the churchwardens. Is anyone on the clergy team affiliated with a particular wing of the C of E, for example?

Yes the priest generally just bullies the governors

What publications are secretly promoted at the back of church? This is A Clue

The Tablet - good; Forward In Faith Weekly - bad

We have The Bridge, Southwark's John Bull Printing Set-assembled "newspaper" with lots of blurry photos of shambly churches in Balham
I would not put it past our vicar to include Private Eye, tbh

justabouthappy, how the heck did she get her foot in the door with that kind of attitude from the CWs (says the woman who resigned from her old PCC after only one other person objected to Resolution B)

lol @ Private Eye

That would impress me

not literally I hope

I seem to have mistakenly got myself back on the blardy PCC after being nominated for Diosesan soemthingorother at the last AGM

CRAPOLA they said two meetings a year and then when I said OK they trilled Oh and PCC meetings

I said I can't be the Diocesan Rep - I'd have to represent the views of the parish and I disagree with all of them - and they said That doesn't matter you have absolutely no say in anything anyway

hoho

I think a lot of people on here would love our vicar MP, she is a complete original. I just so wish I'd been here when she had her turn as Rural Dean I bet she mixed it up some
justabouthappy, I work in the City of London so I reckon I am surrounded with Forward in Faith adherents some of whom are far more out in other respects. Although we do of course have Canon Amor "Winkett" Omnia down the road

My friend who is an Evangelical Christian was very upset when her son did not get into the local Catholic school, as she thought a faith school would be bound to be better for his academic and spiritual well-being. Years later, she told me that she was very glad that he had attended the non-faith state infants as it was a lovely school with a good ethos, good academic standards and a robust policies on bullying (which latter is where the Christian school fell down). And we both knew of a case where the priest at this school had been telling a Christian child that his (Evangelical) mother would go to hell for not being baptised- so the priest seemed to get quite a good say.

"this school"= the Catholic school.

I think I have to find out more about the Head. Cory, that's exactly what I'm nervous about - my son coming home and telling me that so and so will go to hell because they live together and are not married, or something like that...

Anyway, thanks everyone! still some thinking to do.
BP

I'm a Christian and dh is a secondary school teacher and a local preacher. Neither of us agree with faith schools at all (we think it's divisive and as liberal Christians we think we should live in the world and not in some weirdo life surrounded only by people who 'think like us'). We think church and state should be separate. I would send my child to the nearest school, for community and environmental reasons.

I would first of all check the admission criteria of the school you're interested in. Ours (C of E) gives first priority to looked after children, then siblings. Then come children of regular worshippers at three local churches,and then of worshippers at any other church. We also have some places open to the community irrespective of religious affiliation. This sort of arrangement is pretty standard, so you may not be tied to going to one church where you're uncomfortable.

Our school belongs to a CofE church at the clappy end of the spectrum (pews ripped out, 'worship songs' (not hymns) on overhead projector, you know the sort of thing). The theology at the school is very similar, although I can't say whether this comes from the parish, the vicar (who, after all, is usually picked to match the parish vibe) or the head, who attends another church. We attend a Forward in Faith church which is so high that visitors are often convinced it's Catholic. Our church is also anti-women priests, although curiously every member of the congregation with whom I've discussed it is pro. But I too feel that, of the two, our church is probably more progressive on social issues. In my experience - which I admit may not be typical or extensive - it's the high Anglican churches which have gay vicars while an evangelical friend told me in all seriousness that she'd agonised over whether to go to a civil partnership ceremony and worried about taking her children (in case it was contagious, perhaps).

I'm wondering why you want to bother trying to get your dc's into any other school if your local school is very good.

We have three local school, one CoE (closest to our house), and two local schools, one of which is a bit too far but the other one is a good school too.

The admission to the CoE school stipulates that the family is to regularly attend one of the two local parish churches, both with same vicar so very similar in style. The funny thing is that the vicar and curate are very friendly - and quite warm and welcoming. The congregation is so-so, many people attend the church only to get their children to the school (whom I try not to judge) and the attitude is quite conservative. For example, last week there was the story of Adam and Eve during the Creche, and the person who was reading it insisted many times that Eve was created to 'keep Adam company'. I don't know, maybe I'm just nit picking, but it bugged me!