Etiquette when attending church service not of your own faith

[noodledoodler]

Hello there, I had a somewhat perplexing moment today when in attendance at my child's sacrament celebration church service, RC. I turned to offer the sign of peace with my hand outstretched to the person next to me who refused, saying they didn't really shake hands with other people. It was a little unexpected so I said in that case I still offered peace to them as I wished to be respectful of their wishes, so ok. They then said something like their church didn't permit them to do it, tho maybe I didn't quite hear that right. Might anyone on mumsnet explain what may have been a reason for this or any thoughts, how would others have handled it, WWYD?

Most people just now in my church. Although some handshaking goes on.

Well before Covid, I visited a few different churches (c of E) for eucharist and just made myself terribly busy with my prayer book if anyone looked like wanting to shake hands or hug. My own church had a new vicar who tried to introduce it but the whole congregation (admittedly only about 10 of us) refused to partake - it was quite funny. He gave up after a few weeks . Does anyone know when the 'offering each other the sign of peace' was introduced? Was it when they tried to revamp the Lords Prayer?

I never liked this part myself.
They could have just nodded at you acknowledging it, they didn't have to shake hands. I don't know if any religion that prevents shaking hands (is it this rather than saying 'peace be with you')? Though I went to a Saudi wedding once and was warned that the men might not speak to me (they did) and wouldn't shake my hand (this was in the receiving line). Might it be that? They aren't allowed to touch a woman/stranger etc?

I grew up in the Baptist church, and on the rare occasions we did share the peace it was always in front, behind and immediately either side, so four, maybe five people max.
Five years into CofE attendance, and at our church, the peace goes on for ages. People seem to make their way round most of the congregation. I liked it during covid when we nodded or did sign language 'peace' to each other, but now we've gone back to a complete mixture depending on the person. Some huggers, some handshakers, some nodders. I still stay in my spot and share with the people in my immediate vicinity, while others seem to make it a mission to trundle up and down greeting as many as possible! The etiquette seems to be do what you (and the other person) are comfortable with. I've been in other CofE churches where the peace was more 'restrained', so it think it depends on the congregation!

Thank you for all of the replies. I think from our exchange they were maybe concerned that engaging in the sharing of peace might be akin to worship of a faith they didn't share. Who knows tho. If i was in this situation again I guess I would just accept the refusal without making any other offer, verbal or otherwise. Interesting variations described in some of the posts, appreciate you all sharing.

I attend a denomination that doesn't do this at all. When I've gone to C of E or Catholic churches this bit always seems so embarrassing to me because it's announced but it isn't explained what you are supposed to do. And it's not the same in each one.

I'd like to participate but feel really silly not knowing and I probably appear weird to others!

@Allthesnowallthetime But if you just wait a second it does become clear what the congregation tend to do. There’s a limited number of options.

@RedRosesPinkLilies they speak to each other but they seem to say different things? Some touch each other some don't...it's just that really awkward thing of not having a clue what's going on I think

Some Jewish people and some Muslims don't touch people of the opposite sex- is that a possibility?

Recent service I was at of opposite faith and it was a head nod saying peace be with you and a smile

@Allthesnowallthetime What we would say is ‘Peace be with you’. Is that what they are saying?

Thanks for this! Wonderful.

(I saw him live once, long ago. He was fab. Don't remember this one.)

@RedRosesPinkLilies maybe? Seems to be a bit of mumbling!

I'll try that though next time I am in England and at church. Thank you for taking the time to reply.

I think it was that person's personal view, not official teaching. My DH is RC and heavily involved in his Church. I am another denomination. I've never had anyone refuse to shake my hand or made me in any way unwelcome at his Church. Obviously I don't take Communion and the priest and regular members of the congregation who know DH well know that I am not RC but nobody has ever refused to share the sign of peace with me, nor me with them. I have to say that though I do it I don't particularly like it, but that's because I'm an introvert and have the stereotypical British aversion to touching people I don't know well, nothing to do with denomination- I'm not wild about it in my own Church either!

I'd rather people of all faiths and of none just left my hands alone, tbh.

I'm not particularly happy about the drive to reinstate hurting people with arthritis as an essential tool of ettiquette and social cohesion.

'It's against my religion' is less - not totally, as per this thread - likely to get people pestering for why and 'don't be silly! I'll be gentle!' (were I ever to want to have a conversation in front of everybody about my health) is unreasonably demanding a level of trust that painful experience tells me is totally unfounded in reality.

This surprised me when I went recently and went to shake the hands. I grew up strict Roman Catholic upbringing but have lapsed since teenage years 20 odd years ago.

Now in our local they put own hands together and sort of pip t them to others and say peace be with you. All cause of Covid (which coincidently the priest at the time told parishioners wouldn't catch cause god would protect them)