Etiquette when attending church service not of your own faith

[noodledoodler]

Hello there, I had a somewhat perplexing moment today when in attendance at my child's sacrament celebration church service, RC. I turned to offer the sign of peace with my hand outstretched to the person next to me who refused, saying they didn't really shake hands with other people. It was a little unexpected so I said in that case I still offered peace to them as I wished to be respectful of their wishes, so ok. They then said something like their church didn't permit them to do it, tho maybe I didn't quite hear that right. Might anyone on mumsnet explain what may have been a reason for this or any thoughts, how would others have handled it, WWYD?

I think most churches stopped shaking hands when they reopened after the Covid lockdown closed the churches, and some people and/or congregations never went back to hand shakes. I wouldn’t worry about it iiwy, just smile and nod.

Sounds like she was also attending for her child and she just felt a bit uncomfortable?

I went to an RC church service (a wedding) and they did the sign of peace. It's not something that happens in my church (C of E, though I know some C of E do it) but I just took it in the spirit in which it was meant and shook hands. I noticed some people didn't respond but I think that might have been because they were taken unawares.
Do you know what denomination or faith the person who refused was? Maybe their faith doesn't encourage shaking hands with strangers.

Our CofE church shakes hand. Some people even hug <<shudders>>. I was happy with the covid wave and I’m sad we’ve gone back. It really puts some people off. Not everyone wants physical interaction with strangers at a church service. In an ideal world we’d be one happy integrated family but the reality is we are not.

I agree. It doesn't happen at mine thank goodness. I used to go to one that did it and there used to be a queue of women to hug and kiss the vicar. Cringe.

The peace varies from church to church even within denominations. When I was a child we all simply said, "Peace be with you. And also with you." No handshaking and the service carried on. 30 years later, lots of C of E churches are all hugging and kissing the peace. 🤣 We are currently still waving at each other, much quicker.

I'd not be upset, OP. It's one of those things. I'm never quite sure what to do in a Catholic church either so I tend to observe and copy.

Not a parent, possibly family friend. Service organised by faith school so parents would have chosen that sacrament for their own child. Yes, uncomfortable and I also wondered what faith. To me it seemed odd to refuse even a verbal offering of peace, I took my outstretched hand away as soon as they expressed reluctance for physical contact which is understandable.

We don't shake hands now at our church when we offer each other the sign of peace, we just smile and nod. Like pp said, it never went back to it after covid

We're a mixed bunch at our RC church. Some of us shake hands; a lot of us just nod or give a little smile and wave. I have to say, I've always disliked the peace and I'm a lot happier now I can wave; that said, the uncertainty around whether your neighbour is a shaker or a waver can be tricky to navigate!

It's a mixture at our C of E church and the vicar always says share the peace in a way you feel comfortable with just before we do.

We are still using intinction method for communion and I gather most C of E aren't now. I think older congregation want this. I pref it too

I think that part of the mass is set for RC? So the celebrant says it the same way in each and every service wherever it is held? I suppose I am curious to know if any and what faiths would avoid engaging in it if they felt it was at odds with theirs, I'm quite open to viewpoints. Thanks for the replies btw.

In a Catholic Mass, the priest always says 'peace be with you' and we respond 'and with your spirit'. That's liturgically what's described as the peace and is obligatory. The sharing of the peace sign amongst the congregation afterwards is optional. If it happens, the form it takes is open to variants according to local custom (handshake, hug, nod, wave etc.).

Was the person of the opposite sex? If that's the case, a few religions frown upon physical contact (yes, even a handshake) with the opposite sex , unless closely related.

My traditional RC parish do not offer the sign of peace.
I also don't offer or accept the sign of peace when visiting another parish. I simply close my eyes and kneel down waiting for the Agnus Dei.

Our RC Church hasn’t gone back to the handshake of Peace after Covid. It’s a namaste type bow now. I quite like it, on a quiet weekday Mass you can do it to people far away from you with eye contact and a small bow.
At Christmas you can spot all the people that don’t go regularly as they go in for the handshake. This includes my own children.

Now that I’m on chemo and am immunocompromised it’s better for me that there’s no physical contact.

I commend the song by Richard Stilgoe called 'Mrs Beamish'.

Don′t you dare shake hands with me, or offer signs of peace.
You lay a finger on me and I'll send for the police.
Don't whisper "Peace be with you": this is the C of E,
So bend the knee, say "thou" and "thee" and keep your hands off me!

@Grumpyoldpersonwithcats that did give me a giggle, yes it felt a little like that perhaps lol.
Where I am, the sign of peace isn't always offered either since covid, so for example busy sunday service it might not but smaller or more intimate services such as today which was a school based community celebration in church, the priest would invite the congregation to offer it so it's clear what is expected. It's usually a handshake if it's offered. I guess reading the comments regional variations are common.

@CrazyCatLady42 thank you for that.

Nothing to do with the faith and it’s entirely this person’s issue. Sorry you were rebuffed like that. She could have shaken your hand to be polite, it wouldn’t have killed her.

Practising RC here. We didn't resume shaking hands post covid, so now just nod, smile and even wave to those further away. I no longer have to pull out the hand sanitiser after shaking hands prefer it this way.

This for me is way better than sweaty hands

I don't think we can say that without knowing what the person's faith is.

Assuming she's telling the truth that her faith doesn't permit her to participate, she's not being unreasonable to politely demur.

(Even if she's not, she shouldn't be expected to participate in something she doesn't agree with).

I wonder if this person was trying to explain why they refused to shake hands with you rather than refused to accept sign of peace.

My Church does this and I don't like it. I feel it interrupts the flow of the service.

Agree. (RC church attendee) This changed during covid and didn't go back. In our church we still kiss/hug those we have attended with or immediate friends/family and then smile/nod/raise hands in prayer to those around us. A lot of congregation are older and very likely to be immunocompromised, so I think it makes a lot of sense.