Can you be religious without believing in God?

[Leafblossom]

My mum died two years ago today. I was not remotely prepared for the overwhelming grief. I have been for bereavement counselling and am managing day-today, but the gap in my life is almost unbearable.

I was baptised and grew up loosely religious - as in we went to church quite regularly and we all went to a faith school. But I have never been able to manage to believe in God. I'm very driven by logic and evidence, so I have never managed to bring that aspect of my personality into alignment with being able to truly believe. I would like to; I feel like I am missing something and I would really like to be able to have faith. This is something that I have thought about for years throughout my adult life, but since my Mum died it's really come to the fore.

Aside from weddings, funerals and baptisms, I haven't been to church to worship for over 20 years. But I went to mass this morning because it felt like something I needed to do. I tried to pray but it felt very rusty and stiff, and I am very aware that I did so despite not believing.

Is it possible to worship without truly believing, but in the hope that you may be able to one day?

I think it's pretty normal for church-goers to wax and wane in their belief in God over the years but still find a lot of meaning in the community and ritual regardless of where you are in belief at the time.

Yes of course. I think most Christians I know struggle with belief at times and allow themselves a healthy amount of metaphor in their understanding of the Bible and/or conception of God. It’s absolutely fine to go to church because you are questioning, or to find comfort in the rituals and beauty of the liturgy.

I suggest that you ask God to reveal Himself to you. He will do so to anyone who asks sincerely.

Faith comes by hearing the word of God and so it would benefit you to read your Bible, try to do so every day.

I hope you will find your faith OP, it's a beautiful thing.

Yes. As Billy Connolly said (apologies if this isn’t a totally verbatim quote) ‘I have no faith myself but I have faith in those who do.’

I describe myself as an optimistic agnostic because although I do believe in a higher power I have doubts about certain aspects of my own ‘birth’ religion. I occasionally pick up the Bible. When I was in a tricky situation earlier this year I read the 23rd psalm many times. A way to calm my brain, maybe any poetry would have worked. But I felt something more significant, it was hard to articulate but brought me renewed resolve and perspective.

I'm sorry for your loss. There's no right way and timescale for grieving.

I used to be a Christian, I just can't fake it even though there are aspects of the church I missed, so I've a different perspective on this.

I think many aspects of religious practice (singing, meditative prayer type of thing etc) may have an effect on the brain which is rooted in human biology/psychology rather than anything supernatural.

Maybe a nontheistic religion like Buddhism would suit you better than one like Christianity which is very explicitly about faith?

Yes, absolutely this. And I was also going to say that Buddhism might suit you, or something paganish that attunes you to nature, which I’ve found consoling in grief. I personally don’t think it will help to try desperately to force yourself into a belief you simply don’t have out of a position of grief.

I’m sorry for your loss. Be kind to yourself.

Thank you for taking the time to reply.

@ErrolTheDragon this comment really resonated. I've always been interested in religion and spirituality, and I have spent time over the years looking at lots of different faiths - from Buddhism to Islam to Judaism to Paganism and more. Partly through interest, as I find the history (both positive and negative, very interesting) and partly through searching to see if there is something that 'fits'.

I come back to Catholicism every time even though that's not my 'birth faith'. But I went to a Catholic school and I suspect it's why I keep coming back to it, as it's where I feel the most comfort through familiarity.

My Mum was always drawn to Catholicism despite being Anglican. She had a relative who converted and I think my Mum was close to her, as my Mum was left her rosary beads. They are still in her jewellery case now. I don't think she felt able to convert herself for various family reasons, but I know she wanted us to go to Catholic schools.

I'd not really thought about any of the above until now, but it probably goes a way to explaining why I keep looking to the Catholic church for her. I've gone to so many churches over the years, just never gone back inside without there being a reason (like someone's wedding) until today.

You might be interested in the Universal unitarians They believe that everyone is on their own spiritual journey so all are accepted from any religion or even atheists . George Washington and Charles Dickens were UU . As were many others . They are very welcoming we had a chat with a lovely ex Catholic preist who led a UU church . I think 4 of the US presidents were UU? If you look it up it might suit your way of thinking?

I now think that belief/faith is involuntary. I was brought up Christian but just can't believe no matter how much I try and have asked for god to show himself as sincerely as I honestly can. It all seems to just be something I can't do so I've given up.

It just doesn't seem possible to change my ability to believe any more than I can change my sexuality for example.

@DrinkReprehensibly if you think about it you must believe/have faith in some things. Otherwise you would personally need proof of everything/everyone before making a decision. And then there is always a risk. For example you don't personally vet or test everyone you choose to entrust your welfare to do you? Give your doctors an exam to see if they know their stuff? Test the bus driver?

Faith is a bit like acknowledging you don't know everything and don't have proof but decide upon a course of action anyway in the belief it is the right thing to do.

I’m so sorry for your loss. Losing your mum leaves a deep gap, and it’s natural to feel overwhelmed by grief. It’s also brave of you to explore faith in the midst of this.The Bible reminds us in Psalm 34:18, "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Even if you’re unsure about believing, God is near, especially in times of pain.Your decision to go to mass and try to pray, even without full belief, is meaningful. In the Bible, someone once said to Jesus, "I believe; help my unbelief!" (Mark 9:24). Faith often begins with small steps like these just being open and seeking. You don’t need perfect belief to worship. Just coming as you are is enough. Over time, through prayer, reflection, or even talking with someone in the church, faith will grow naturally. Take your time, and be gentle with yourself. May you find comfort and peace in this journey.

I'm so sorry for your loss OP and I absolutely think you are speaking of being religious regardless of your faith in your belief. I was raised Christian and haven't stayed with the church but have read a lot from other religions and mystics. It all seems to speak to me on the basic level that we are all one. I struggled with church as I often found that people there had decided they had all the answers and were going to tell them to me. I found that so off putting and wasn't at all what I was looking for. I still read the bible from time to time tho and am drawn to spiritual teachers who quote Jesus. I would love to find a tribe of people who feel similarly but I haven't yet. I think the main thing is that you are finding meaning through this. That feels so significant.

Have you tried reading the Word of God? That is the best place to start. Also stick with the praying, it’s so important